Punch (70.1876)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI. ui

April 15, 1876.]

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

bury moved his Resolution praying the Queen to take a Title
more in accordance with history and John Bull's feelings
than that of Empress—which may fairly be said to have been
received by the Nation with the reverse of Empressement. In vain
Lord Shaftesbury—who for party has not given up what was meant
for mankind—reurged all that has been urged already against this
ill-starred move in a wrong direction. In vain Lords Selborne,
Sandhurst, Rosebery, Houghton, pressed the reasons against

" That word of fear,
Unpleasing in an English ear,"

that most commend themselves to the legal, lay, military, and
literary minds. Ministers have hardened their hearts, and stand
upon their majoritv, such as it is. In the Lords, 137 to 91 is not a
very commending division, with 200 Peers standing aloof too. Lord
Cairns and Lord Carnarvon tried to argue that the dislike to
"Empress" is factious and factitious. They know it is neither.
The Chancellor thinks the title can be localised. He reckons
without his Jenkins.

In the meantime let official Conservatism take note that it is
imofficial Conservatism which utters protests, "not loud, but
deep," against this bartering of a new Crown for an old one, which
the soundest sense of England feels is likely to bring no more
blessing to Queen Victoria than yielding to the analogous
temptation of " new lamps for old ones " did to Queen Badrool-
Badoor. Will no Queen's friend show Her Majesty Mr. Punch'''s
Cartoon ? To Alfonso the Wise's famous triad of old things that
are the best things—"Old Wine, Old Books, Old Friends "—let
Punch, Alfonso's successor in wisdom, add " Old Titles." On our
Crowned Head rested the oldest, most honoured, and most honour-
able Title in Europe. Ill-advisers have marred it by an "addi-
tion," which should be called a subtraction. No wonder Re-
publicanism at home sneers, and Republicanism abroad chuckles,
over this lowering of the Royal Style.

All this is on the supposition that the Queen wishes for, and
means to assume, the Empress. But query, does she ? What
Royal act or word from the beginning of her reign till now, has
showed her unable, or unwilling, to read the signs of the times—to
recognise and respect the genuine will of her people ? Punch has
already told her, in his own way, that '' the Queen ^Vith Two Heads "
is not one of the signs of the time; whereas the old "Queen's
Head " is a sign for times past, present, and to come ; arid he can't, for
the life of him, believe that Queen Victoria is not just as well aware
of the fact as her most faithful Public and Privy Councillor Punch.

(Commons.)—Make way for the Budget! Mr. Bull's Bills for
the year, "foot up," the imposing total of rather more than
£78,000,000 ! To meet this extremely handsome outlay, the House i

Steward hopes to be" able to lay his hands on £77,250,000, leaving
him nearly £800,000 short. So there is nothing lor it but putting
his hand into master's pocket for another penny 'in the pound on
the poor old'r Gentleman's—we beg his pardon—the wealthy, old
Gentleman's income, and this will give House Steward Northcote,
some £364,000 more than he wants to make both ends meet! Such
is the Budget in brief.

My dear Bull, you must pay for your blessings; and a Conservative
Government is not one that can be had for nothing. True, when
Mr. Gladstone, once, in a moment of rash anticipation, promised to
get rid of Income-tax altogether, Disraeli met him by the asser-
tion, that abolition of Income-tax was peculiarly Conservative
policy. But Sir Stafford explains that only meant if and when
the Government could do without it. So far from being able to do
without it just now, they want an extra penny. But they will do
their best to make the rise easy to the middle-class elector, by
raising the limit of exemption from £100 to £150, the amount of
deduction from £80 to £120; all incomes up to £400 to have the
advantage of the deduction.

In this way the rise will be felt only by those who are too com-
fortable to complain, or too well-off for [their complaints to find
sympathy from the masses. All with less than £400 a-year will be
better off under the new tariff than under the old one. If this is
questionable political economy, it is like enough to be popular
policy, and will secure the Government against the opposition of
those who turn the scale at Elections.

Tuesday (Lords).—Lord Inchiouln moved the Second Reading
of his Bill to limit the further creation of a very useless and unhappy
order of beings—Irish Peers, who, where real Lords come, may be
best described as neither fish, flesh, nor good red herring-—the Irish
Bulls of the Peerage. But while prohibiting any further creation
of these objectionable abortions of aristocracy, he proposed to add
four to their representatives in the House of Lords, to make up for
as many Irish Spiritual Peers improved off the face of the Green
Isle. Punch doesn't quite see the logic of this. Lord Inchiquln
would also open Irish boroughs to Irish Peers, who may now repre-
sent English but not Irish constituencies. Anything to give these
poor creatures an enlarged field of usefulness. If an Irish Peer can
find an eccentric English borough to elect him, why should we not
have that chance, and the borough that pleasure ? It seems odd to
make any position in the Peerage, however humble, an absolute
disqualification for contributing anything, however little, to the
Collective Wisdom.

(Commons).—A good deal of bother in arranging for anight for
Professor Fawcett's Farewell to the Royal Titles Bill. After much
pro and con. it seems the House is not to have this treat till after
Easter.

The Whiskey War!—

" Irish spirits and Scotch,
In the hot melee
Mingle, mingle, mingle,
Ye that mingle may ! "

A spirited debate—as was to be expected. The O'Sullivan opened,
denouncing, in the name of the public health, the pernicious prac-
tice, now sanctioned by law, of adulterating Irish Whiskey in Bond
with inferior Scotch spirit, under the specious name of " blending,"
and calling on the Government to become bonded warehousemen on the
largest scale, by keeping all spirits and whiskey in bond till it was
twelve years' old—had sown its wild oats in the shape of fusel
oil, and mellowed to a drink equally wholesome and delicious.

Then Anderson arose and raised the slogan of the Scottish Still—
that "Still" whence Silent Spirit flows!—the Silent Spirit which
does not seem to be the ruling spirit of the House of Commons.
He declared " blending " was not adulteration but improvement;
that Irish whiskey unmixed was an unmixed evil, " full of head-
aches to the brim,'" only to be drunk with impunity by natives—
as snake-charmers are said to swallow cobra-poison—but to the
world at large only to be made tolerable by a liberal infusion of
" Scotch," that pure and healthful blood of John Barleycorn, which
neither is an enemy in men's mouths, nor a stealer away of their
brains, but circulates in the shape of health, and utters itself in
words of wisdom!

Then Sir W. Lawson arose and chaffed impartially both cham-
pions, of Scotch and Irish—

" Tros Tyriusque illi nullo discrimine agendus."
The better the whiskey the worse—in Sir Wilfrid's eyes—because
the more tempting. '' More blame was laid on fusel oil than it ought
to bear." To Sir Wilfrid the "fusel oil" is as the salmon that
bears the burden of Greenwich compotations—an innocent and
much-wronged creature.

Mr. Sullivan said something like ditto to Sir Wilfrid.

Sir W. Cunningham contributed one wise and weighty saying to
the debate :—

" If bad Scotch spirits were prevented from going to Ireland, there would
be plenty of bad Irish spirits to take their place."

vol. lxx.