Punch (70.1876)

140

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL

[April 8, 1876.

ELIGIBLE TENEMENTS.

ome few days ago
there occurred
on a railway an
uncommon kind
of accident—un-
common in that
the 'Directors
were not to
blame for it.
The carcases of
a pair of houses
that were being
built in the
Earl's - Court
Road, adjoining
the Earl's-Court
Station, sud-
denly tumbled
down upon the
line with a crash
in a heap of
ruins which
blocked it for
three hours.
This catastrophe
occurred about
midday, just as
the carpentefs
inside the new-
ly-raised edifice,
finishing off the
flooring, were
about to leave
work for re-
freshment—the beverage "brother chips" and other workmen term
their " twelveses." Several of these poor fellows were badly hurt,
and one is reported to have died. The fall of the "houses imme-
diately followed the passing of a London and North-Western train,
of which the last carriage had a narrow escape. It is supposed that
the vibration caused by the transit of the train" shook them down.
These structures, while standing, were evidently specimens of an
order of domestic architecture, examples of model suburban dwell-
ing-houses for the middle classes. It is comparatively fortunate
that they fell to pieces when they did, instead of remaining to be
completed, and soon after that to topple upon their tenants, over-
whelming perhaps a diligent clerk of an establishment in the City,
together with the wife of his bosom, a child or a lot of children, a
baby in arms, and a maid-of-all-work. In re-erecting those typical
eligible tenements, perhaps some care will be taken that their con-
struction shall not be so shamefully scamped as to render a tragical
occurrence of that description too highly probable.

OUR CORRESPONDENCE.

My Deae Me. Punch, Bmadn° Street> Apnl h 1S76-

I ceaye the publicity of your columns to dissipate some of
the fears which are abroad in connection with the Royal Titles Bill.

The Royal Arms will not be altered in this country. But in
India, yielding to a wish which has long been felt and at last openly
expressed in the Bazaars and Zenanas, Her Majesty's Government
have advised that the Lion and Unicorn should be replaced by
the Tiger and Elephant, as creatures more imposing to the Oriental
imagination.

Not a bar of our glorious National Anthem will be touched. In
the words some changes, to be strictly localised and confined to
India, must of necessity be made. The few leisure moments I can
command I am employing in recasting the Anthem in English, Hin-
dustani, and Tamil; and I hope in the course of to-day to send you
a rough draft, that I may have the benefit of your sagacious and
good-natured criticism, before submittim? my ww version to
Pari in mon+

Her Majesty's Government would view with horror and amazement
any attempt to interfere—certainly in Great Britain and Ireland—
with those familiar and time-honoured letters V. R., which have sent
a thrill through so many loyal hearts, and can never be read without
emotion on our mail-carts and pillar-boxes, and on the lead pencils
which are daily and hourly wielded by the Civil Servants of the Crown.

I trust that these explanations will calm the public mind and
restore tranquillity to the national pulse.

I am, my dear Mr. Punch,

Yours very faithfully, B. D-1.

Deae Punch,

I can guess your thoughts at the present hour when the
excitement is growing every moment deeper and more intense.
They are not fixed on the Budget, or the Royal Title, or the Uni-
versity of Oxford Bill, but on the Oxford and Cambridge Boat-
Race; and you are yearning to know which University will be
victorious on the 8th. I can tell you, for I have seen every race for
the last _ twenty years. I have watched every movement of the two
crews since they were at the two Universities. I am on the river-
bank all day long, and sleep alternately at Putney and Mortlake.
Don't be guided by Loed Salisbury, or either of the Yice-
Chancellors, or even the most knowing of the Heads of Houses, but
pin your faith on me, and then you will wear the winning colours
next Saturday. Take time by the row-lock, and meet me at once
opposite the Soap-Works. I wear a white hat, with a blue ribbon.

Putney, Saturday. Yours- Cobney Reach.

Me. Punch,

Come and witness my great and unprecedented feat of
walking 10,000 miles in 10,000 hours. In the outer Circle, Regent's
Park, roped in and kept clear by the Mounted Police, illuminated
after dusk2 military bands playing all day and night long, fireworks
at the expiration of every mile, vocal and instrumental concert at
the end of each week. Referees from every nation in the world,
umpires in all languages, judges from all the Courts of Law in
Europe and America. Admission, One shilling; season-tickets, a
Pound.

Hare and Tortoise, N. W., 1 April. Felix Footit.

Deae Me. Punch,

It will give us much pleasure if you can act as Interrogator
at a grand Spelling Bee which we propose to hold in the Royal
Albert Hall in Easter week. There is no one in whom the Committee
would feel such'absolute confidence. We have engaged six military
bands, and the choruses of the two Opera Houses, and we hope to
induce the Moore and Burgess Minstrels to give us their invaluable
assistance. Our Bee will take a wide range, and settle on many
branches of knowledge. Spelling, and Definitions, and'Proper
Names, will, of course, be included, but, besides, we propose that you
should test Candidates in Modern Languages, Chronology, Cookery,
Domestic and Political Economy, Physical Geography, Moral Philo-
sophy, and the Higher Mathematics.

Our prizes will be worth the struggle. They will include a
furnished house, a carefully selected and handsomely bound library,
a complete trousseau, and a fine organ—built expressly for the
competition by those eminent makers, Messes. Bellows and Blow.

Signed, on behalf of the Committee,

Knightsbeidge and Becaltton, Chairman.

Committee Room, April 1, 1876.

Punch, old man, why did you not come on Monday ? I particu-
larly wanted you to see, before I sent it in a special van to the
Academy, what I fearlessly assert to be the greatest picture of the
year. What do you say to a canvas 32 feet by 18 ? Well filled, too
—not an inch of space u to let." You know the subject. One of the
grandest events in the annals of modern civilisation—one of those
critical turning-points in the history of peoples and dynasties : '' His
Highness the Khedive of Egypt in the act of affixing his signature
and seal to the transfer of his shares in the Suez Canal to the British
Government." Painted for the new Town-hall at Cairo.

How often have we discussed the treatment! I have made one or
two slight changes since our last conversation on the subject. Now
the Khedive is surrounded by his Ministers, Grand Muftis, Drago-
mans, Bashi-Bazouks, Pachas, Effendis, Camels, and Foreign Ad-
visers : he is in the act of dipping his pen in a splendid gold
standish, and looking, a little anxiously, at the Sphinx. The
Pyramids, irradiated by the setting sun, form the background ; the
Nile, guarded by the Sphinx and Memnon, is in the middle distance ;
and the Canal itself fills up the foreground. All the figures are life-
size ; and the buildings, palm-trees, dates, dahabeeahs, &c, are
done to scale. I hope to see you at the Private Yiew, and show
you my picture myself. So I will not dwell upon details, except
just to mention that, exercising a pictorial licence, I have introduced
one of the zinc cases in which the Share Certificates were transported
to this country. I think you will say that the painting of this
interesting accessory is life-like. Ever yours,

Kensington, Saturday. Sebastian Aneeew Dawbney.

[There is one singular circumstance about this Correspondence
which we cannot quite fathom. All the letters have the same date,
and were received on the same day—Saturday the First.—Ed.]

Just What's Wanted.—See Chaeles Addeeley, in the Parlia-
mentary report of Friday's Times, alludes to Shipowners as " Re-
sponsible undertakers." If we could only make them responsible !