Punch (70.1876)

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A LA MODE DEFRAXCE.

As Englishmen are very prone to envy the advantages of their
neighbours, Mr. Punch begs to present the nation with a picture of
the House of Commons as it would become were it conducted a la
mode de Versailles :—

Lower House, Feb., 187—.

The Speaker, amidst general reclamations from all sides of the
Chamber, took his seat at four o'clock.

Immediately after prayers (which were much interrupted by
noises from the Left), seven Members sprang to their feet together.

The Speaker. I must proclaim order. {Cheers from the Rigid.)
Order is the language of Rule. Without Rule there is no true
liberty. {Loud protests from the Left.) Mr. Brown is in pos-
session of the House. I implore Mr. Brown to remember that he is
an Englishman.

Mr. Brown. The Speaker tells me I am an Englishman, and I
tell him he is another. {Laughter.)

The Speaker. The House knows that threats are powerless to
influence me. _ {Cheers from the Ilight.) And the House shall now
learn that ridicule, the heritage of fools {protests from the Left, and
interruption)—1 repeat, ridicule, the heritage of fools {renewed
interruption, and "Hear! hear!" from the Eight) is equally
powerless.

Mr. Brown. I move that the Early Closing Bill be read a Third
Time, and pass. It has been read a First and Second Time without
provoking a discussion.

Mr. Smith. There was once a grandmother who lived in
Putney-

Mr. Brown. "We do not want history.

Mr. Smith. No, you do not—neither you nor your party. {Loud
cheers from the Right, and great excitement amongst the Left.)
Your party has made History a record of blood and shame. {Frantic
excitement on the Left.)

The Speaker. I must call Mr. Smith to order. The dignity of
this House will not permit such a statement to go forth. The history
of the greatest nation on the earth {cheering on the Right), the home
of civilisation {cheering on the Left), and the pride of the ocean
{general cheering)—in fact, England {tumultuous applause in all
parts of the Chamber) cannot be described as " a record of blood and
shame." (" No, no ."')

Mr. Smith. I do not speak of History, but of a Grandmother.
{Loud laughter.) This Grandmother lived at Putney, and was very

stupid. {Protests from the Left.) She had a Grandson, and he
was called Mr. Brown. {Frantic excitement amongst the Members
of the Left, who shake their fists at Mr. Smith.)

Mr. Brown. An insult is only damaging when it emanates from
a worthy man. Mr. Smith is not a worthy man. {Shouts of
applause from the Left.)

The Speaker. I cannot permit such a discussion. I call both the
Members who have just spoken to order. {Protests from all sides of
the House.) We must not forget that if we all of us have, or have
had, Grandmothers, most of us will have Grandsons ; and those
Grandsons will be Englishmen. (" LLear ! hear ! " from the Right,
and protests from the Left.)

Mr. Robinson. I tell the Speaker deliberately that he insults
posterity. [Immense tumult, shouts and shrieks from Right and
Left, and " Hear ! hear ."'from the Cross Benches.)

The Speaker. Were I not here to preserve decorum and peace,
I would strike Mr. Robinson to the ground !

Mr'. Robinson {rising). I am waiting for the blow. {Excitement.)

The Speaker. I shall wait until you leave this chamber. If you
fall here, you will fall on honourable ground. The proper place
for the slanderer is the gutter. {Loud and prolonged sensa-
tion.)

Mr. Robinson. Posterity will avenge me.

Mr. Brown. Then posterity will not have much to avenge.
{Laughter.)

The Speaker. I call Mr. Brown to order. This House is not the
place for recrimination. {Cheering from all parts of the Chamber.)

Mr. Tompkins. And yet Mr. Brown sometimes rides in a
Brompton and Islington Omnibus. {Protests from the Left, and
"It is true ! "from the Right.)

Mr. Brown.' A sneer can be endured when the sncerer neglects to
pay his butcher's book! {Great excitement below the Gangwaij.)

Mr. Tompkins. This is not the first time that I have been
slandered. I demand that my Butcher be called to the Bar of this
House to be questioned. {Loud Laughter from the Left.)

The Speaker. Mr. Tompkins is within his rights. As Speaker of
this House, I command that all business be suspended until the
Butcher of Mr. Tompkins has been examined. ('' Well done /" from
below the Gangway.)

Mr. Smith. Then your command will not be obeyed. {Immense
cheering from the Right.)

The Speaker. To endure is to be noble, but nobility has its limits.
I am here to preserve order, but when my authority is questioned I
can only do one thing. I can only take off my wig! {Immense

vol. exx.

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