Punch (70.1876)

February 19, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

55

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

ntroit Regina ! Rootooit, Funchius !
{Tuesday, February 8.) Sound our
twopenny trumpet, in echo of the Life
Guards' brass. Boom, our biff drum,
responsive to the Park pots!"
God save the Queen ! And may she
never again have so dreary a day
for her resumption of so delightful a
duty.

That such a crowd should have
faced such weather for so many
hours, says volumes for the warmth
of London loyalty. Perhaps it glows
the stronger for the rarity of its
kindling. Is it as true of Queens as
of holidays, that

" When they seldom come, they wished
for come,

And nothing pleaseth but rare orna-
ments" ?

The Irrepressible Doctor was determined to have his Procession to the House, too—King Mob's
Pageant by the side of Queen Victoria's. But Papa Police took King Mob by the scruff of the neck,
first stopped, then spun him round, and, finally, chucked him back into his native slums amidst
the approving guffaw of contemptuous Common Sense, which hates to see the monkey paws of a
tag-rag-and-bobtail rabble laid on the great name and glorious associations of Magna Charta. The
Doctor alone of the rabble rout was allowed to pass the cordon bleu, on his way to the House (" To
what base uses may we come, Horatio ! "), affably bowing in recognition of the hisses, and hootings
of the public as he passed along.

Then Her Majesty graciously opened Parliament—her faithful Commons, by the way,"rushing into
the Presence like a pack of riotous Undergraduates—via the Lord Chancellor, Keeper of the Queen's
Conscience, and Speaker of the Queen's Speech, which this year contains rather less than the usual
amount of nothing ; and in that lessened sum-total less than usual of domestic nothing.

About Turkey, the Suez Canal Purchase, and recent Difficulties in China, papers are promised.
The Prince's journey to India is pronounced a great success. So the Queen is going to take the
title of Empress op the Indies—not the Prince that of King of England, as the Independence Beige
doth vainly report. If England hates anything from her heart—besides Popery—it is Slavery.
Ministers are sorry they have inadvertently trodden on Britannia's toes in their Fugitive Slave
Circulars, Nos. 1 and 2. They have withdrawn No. I. They are going to smother No. 2 under a Royal
Commission^ Papers will be laid before the House (See Mr. Punch's Cartoon this week as a specimen)
for further information. Besides, to atone for this little Circular slip, our officers will be ordered to
look sharper than ever after the Slave Trade under native Indian Princes. South Africa is going to
be confederated—let us hope to the improvement of Cape Wine, and the diminished production of
Cape smoke, alcoholic and oratorical. In the Straits Settlements we have come, it is trusted, to a
settlement of our straits.

Gentlemen of the House of Commons will have the Estimates laid before them—that they may rely
on ; and John Bull will have to pay the year's bills, that he may rely on.

As to the chaotic jostle of competing measures, commonly called Domestic Legislation, " least said
soonest mended." Le Ministre propose, et Force majeure dispose. So we '11 promise the least we can,
and of that mean to fulfil as much as we can see our way to. Legislation affecting Appeal, Merchant
Shipping, University and Primary Education, Commons, and Prisons, we promise you, as the Bills are
drawn and ready to bring in. There are more in the pigeon-holes these came from, which may, in due
time, be fledged to fly, at least, as far as Eirst Reading. And now, be off to your Bills, and the

VOL. LXI. q

Lords (and Commons) grant them
a good deliverance!

There, Messieurs de V Opposi-
tion get a hold, if you can, of
that smooth eel of an oration!
Comment drops off it like water
off a duck's back. No wonder it
slipped through your fingers,
with the merest pretence of
critical handling. Ministers are
to fight the Suez Canal battle
next week. Meanwhile, it may
as well be scored to them in ad-
vance as a victory. It is the
duty of the Opposition to discuss
and dissect; but they would be
ill-advised to fight, when the
buyers have the country at their
back.

As for Mr. Gladstone, like
Balaam, he blest the following
of Benjamin, instead of cursing
it. He applauds the Cabinet's
cautious adhesion to the Austrian
Note as the least objectionable of
three courses open on the Eas-
tern Question, between which
the only doubt is, which is the
least unpleasant, or the least
likely to be profitable.

Then came the pelt of private
Bills—nearly a hundred of them—

Hobbies young, and Hobbies old,
Hobbies, whose fate may be fore-
told ;

Hobbies, whose knees are as yet

unscored,
Hobbies, whom many a Session's

seen floored!
Cherished crotchets, still fresh

and fair,
Crotchets much rubbed against

the hair;
High hopes destined to fade in

air :

Mischievous monomanias scam-
pant,

Ardent aspirations stampant,
Reforms retiring and Reforms

rampant!
All the eggs df opt where vagrom

men roost
Outside of the Governmental

Henroost;
How few to chip shell, how many

be addled,
Ere the House that now gathers

has skedaddled!

It was touching to see the rush,
and to watch their marshalling,
under the impartial hand of
Blind Ballot, for their choice of a
Wednesday. Et apres ?

Altogether, we must congratu-
late Mr. Disraeli on his opening
day. Above all, his way of
turning the flank of the Opposi-
tion, and repairing the Slave
Circular blunder, was masterly—
worthy of the Great Medicine
Man!

Wednesday. — Mr. Osborne
Morgan—ballotted out of reason-
able hope of a Wednesday—means
to use the wedge of a Resolution
to force open the Burial Ground
Gates, if he can, against the re-
sistance of the Clerical Intransi-
gent's.

Thursday. — Recognising the
truth, that a Merchant Shipping
Bill is too big an oyster for one
gulp, Ministers are going to bring
one in in gobbets.