Punch (70.1876)

PUNCH, OP, THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 12, 1876.

THE DAY.

he busy B stands now for
Belle!

I love to rink, I love to

spell: ,
Both to flirtation T convert:
Gfood gracious, is it flirt or
flurt ?

While merry groups fly to

and fro,
I practise spelling as I go :
Practise or practice ?—s
or cf

The Dictionaries disagree.

This rinking is a pleasant
whim,

When lungs are right and

ancles trim.
Is ankle right? Is ancle

wrong T .
No matter ; mine are swift
and strong.

Says Fred, " I'm augur of

success :
I long to see your spelling
dress."

Ah, now I know I have it
pat—

Auger's a bore : Fred isn't
that.

LAWSON AND LIBERTY!

A few evenings ago Sir Wilfrid Lawsox, "in connection with
the Temperance agitation," as a newspaper says, "visited Ports-
mouth." There, at a public meeting in the Soldiers' Institute, he
delivered another of his funny speeches on the " Permissive Bill."
lief erring to the feud raging between the Publicans and their rivals
the Grocers, he said:—

" The Grocers who held licences for the sale of intoxicating liquors were
about to be attacked. His hair stood on end when he read the organs of the
Licensed Victuallers, to find what a bad account they gave of the Grocers.
{Laughter.) The Publicans accused the Grocers of every enormity because
they sold drink, which in their opinion ought to be sold and consumed only in
the public-house."

Having, amid " loud laughter and applause," observed that in
this case the relations between the Pharisee and Publican in the
parable were reversed, the speaker went on to say that—

" He had a great respect for the ordinary Grocer, but he had no respect for
the Grocer who sold intoxicating drink, and he would heartily help the Pub-
licans in driving the liquor-selling Grocer out of the field. Having got rid of
him, however, he would join them in any movement against the Publicans."

For this fair warning that the "Permissive Bill " is intended not
only to put clown public-houses, but also to restrict private persons,
Sir Wilfrid Law.sox deserves the thanks of every freeborn Briton
who values his freedom. In the meanwhile the conflicting Publicans
and Grocers will perhaps have sense enough to see how completely
they, in relation to one another, correspond to those famous com-
batants in the fable, the Frog and the Mouse, and with what exact-
ness the Kite hovering over them, that swooped down upon and
snapped up both together, is represented by the United Kingdom
Alliance, personified in Sir Wilfrid Lawson.

PUNCH'S PLAY-BILL.

JIL-iRRiED in Haste
Suits the taste.
Sam Tattles
Draws like what else ?
Our Boys
Nought alloys.
All for Her
Makes a stir.
Masks and Faces—
Take your places!
Anne Bolcyn
Crowds should pull in.
Peep-d1 -Day—
See the play.
Mani'sellc Clytie,
Rather flighty.

Itip Van Winkle
Makes eyes twinkle.
Black Eyed Susan,
Most amusin'.
Broken Hearts,
Slow in parts.
Quiet Rubber
Makes one blubber.
Piff-Paff-
Can you laugh ?
Duke's Daughter
Might be shorter.
B'Archiduc,
Go and look.
Trial by Jury,
Still the fury.

THE LAND AND THE LANDLORD.
{An Appeal to Mr. Bright.)

No doubt the wise, Friend Bright, with thee on Free Trade ground
Avho stand,

Must own that no impediment should clog the sale of land.
Consistency and logic this acknowledgment demand ;
Yet feel'st thou not that something may be said, on the other hand,
For the fine Old English Gentleman, one of the olden time ?

Imagine, John, that for the last two centuries, or three,
Trade in respect of land had been from trammels wholly free ;
Where now would all the large estates with their broad acres be,
Entailed at present upon heirs of ancient pedigree,
Like the fine Old English Gentleman, one of the olden time ?

Where the grey keeps and castles, the historic courts and halls ?
The granges o'er whose gables lichen creeps, and ivy crawls,
Whence flit the bats and owls as dark the shade of twilight falls ?
Where the stately manor-houses, the time-worn, ancestral walls,
Of your fine Old English Gentlemen, all of the olden time ?

Thou know'st the ancient seat that bears a county name of mark,
The homestead nigh the rookery in avenue or park,
Whose annals were recorded by a grave and learned clerk,
That house where eery things are seen, say the neighbours, after
dark,

By its fine Old English Gentleman, 'Squire of the olden time.

The house that's full of wainscotting, and chests and coffers old,
And antique chairs and furniture, and mildew, moth, and mould ;
Inside and out a picture, oh, how lovely to behold !
And where the Family Ghost appears before the death, wTe 're told,
Of the fine Old English Gentleman, still of the olden time :

Whence the Squire drives on Sundays to the Church, hedged round
with yew,

And through service sits with gravity and grandeur in his pew,
From which, by mien distinguished from the men of fortunes new,
He contemplates his scutcheon on the tablet full in view
Of that fine Old English Gentleman, all of the olden time.

Canst thou not with him synrpathise, Friend, canst thou not admire
The behaviour and belongings of this typical old 'Squire ?
Would it not grieve thee were his Hall to be destroyed by fire ?
Or the house and grounds to pass away to a base and alien buyer,
From that fine Old English Gentleman, one of the olden time ?

'Tis sad enough already when, through cutting off entail,
A spendthrift is empowered to put his heritage up to sale ;
How often and how sorely, and how vainly, we bewail
The good old mansions that have gone the way of the good old ale,
And the good Old English Gentlemen, 'Squires of the olden time!

NO MORE KNIFEBOYS!

A short time ago Mr. Bridge, at W~andsworth, and Mr. Chance,
at Lambeth, decided, against the Commissioners of Inland Revenue,
that liability to the tax on male servants was not incurred by the
occasional employment of a boy to do odd jobs. At Kingston, how-
ever, official zeal has been rewarded by obtaining from the Magis-
trates a conviction, with a mitigated penalty of five pounds, incurred
by a Gentleman through having, without a licence, employed a Lad
daily for a few hours. He had rueviously given an old man the
same employment, which kept him out of the workhouse.

Nothing of this sort can occur again; and the Commissioners of
Inland Revenue are further to be congratulated that the effect of
their public-spirited proceeding at Kingston has already been that
of causing numerous housekeepers to dismiss their boys. For of
course all these housekeepers wiM now, instead of boys, employ
regular footmen, or other male servants for whom they will be
chargeable with no more duty than they were liable to for the boys,
and of whose wages and keep the additional cost will be no object.
Thus the Revenue will gain immensely ; unless the appeal of which
the Defendant at Kingston has given notice should be decided in
his favour, and the Commissioners be unhappily ruled by the Court
above to have unduly, vexatiously, and mischievously endeavoured
to press the law to the injury and annoyance of their neighbours.

New Rhyme for the Nursery.

There was an old woman, and what do you think ?
She paid one and sixpence to skate at a Rink ;
A cropper she came, when she ventured to try it:
Oh, couldn't this foolish old woman keep quiet!