Punch (70.1876)

WHAT DID MR. PUNCH DO IN THE EASTER RECESS?

Volunteer Review ! Not a bit of it ! He just popped over, and had a few Days of delightful Dolce far Niente at

Venice.

A SONG UNDER SENTENCE.

Air—" Sam Hall."

My name is Aid gate Pump,

Aldgate Pump, Aldgate Pump,
My name is Aldgate Pump,

Aldgate Pump!
My name is Aldgate Pump,
Though a once rewered old trump,
Now I wipes, in doleful dump,
My dear eyes!

In ages long ago,

Long ago, &c.
In ages long ago,
My well-spring, down below,
In a pure and pleasant flow

Used to rise!

And still it sparkles bright,

Sparkles bright, &c.
And still it sparkles bright,
And pleases taste and sight ;
But the mixtur' isn't right,

So they cries!

For they say that it contains,

It contains, &c.
They say that it contains
Organieal remains,
Which out of graves and drains

Take their rise.

In it salts with earths are blent,
They are blent, &c.

In it salts and earths are blent,

Beyond the due extent

Of solids, five per cent.—
Heap o' lies!

So now the Doctors think,
Now they think, &e.

So now the Doctors think

My well is but a sink

Of slush unfit to drink,
Though you tries.

Daresay they '11 pull me down,
Pull me down, &c.

Daresay they '11 pull me down,

The pride of London Town,

And on my old renown
Out they cries!

But London's great Lord Mayor,

Great Lord Mayor, &c.
In my downfall if he share,
For his own he may prepare,— _
Like assault His Worship's chair
Might surprise.

And Gog may cry " boohoo ! "

Cry " boohoo! " &c.
And Gog may cry "boohoo ! "
And Magog blubber too :
Such conduct me and you

May well surprise.

And there's poor Temple Bar,

Temple Bar, &c.
There's me and Temple Bar,
Doomed, both of us, we are,
Now Improvement's evil star

Doth arise.

Though I cease to suck the mould,
Suck the mould, &c.

Though I cease to suck the mould,

My place still let me hold,

As a monument of old
In men's eyes!

HOW TO FLOAT THE "VANGUARD."

Dear Mr. Punch,—I see that the Lords of the Admiralty have at
last entered into a contract with an eminent French engineer to raise
the _ sunken Vanguard, and that the method he proposes adopting is
to fill the interior of the vessel with air-bags.

Now, Sir, I am glad to be able to inform their Lordships that the
requisite motive power is to be found on the spot, free of all'expense.
' Let the Primate of the Irish Church summon the General Synod
which is to meet in Dublin next week) to assemble in the hull of

] the ship, and there will be wind-bags enough among the^members
to float the vessel immediately.

Mr. Dillon's system, too, of raising the ship would also by this
means obtain a fair trial; for the Synod (at which great heat is
always generated) would not be long sitting before there would be
an explosion that would either raise the hull of the vessel, or else
blow it into small pieces, and so get it out of the way.

Hoping that your influential advocacy may be given to this simple,
economical, and efficacious method, I remain,

Your obedient servant, ^Eolus.

VOL. LXX.

E