Punch (70.1876)

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 22, 1876.

CHEEK.

(The Regiment is about to "march out" with Twenty Rounds of " blank cartridge")
Sub-Lieutenant (of Twenty-four hours' Service). " Whereabouts is this Pyrotechnic Display of yours coming off, Colonel 111"

"CLUBS! CLUBS!"

The cry is still, They come! We lately published a list of those
projected; the prospectuses of several new ones have since reached
us. Here are a few of the latest:—

"Munchausen." Members must have been somewhere where
nobody else has been, and seen something nobody else has seen.
Merely looking into the crater of Etna will not secure election.

" John Bull." For Gentlemen who can pay their way and horse-
whip their enemies. No weaklings need apply. Rumpsteak and
oyster-sauce the favourite dinner. The finest port wine in the
world.

" John Barleycorn." For the Yeomen of England. Amber ale.
Breakfasts always ready at five in the morning.

" Bull and Bear." Curiously sumptuous. Entrance fee a
thousand guineas. Annual subscription five hundred guineas. JSTo
dinner under ten pounds. The Cook receives five thousand a year,
all found, with a brougham and pair and a box at the Opera.

" Magna Charta." Entrance fee one shilling. Annual subscrip-
tion sixpence. All Members must take oath that Dr. Kenealy is
the greatest of living men. Tripe suppers on Wednesdays.

" Fair Weather." Yes ; let it be announced with a flourish of
trumpets that there is now in course of organisation a Fair Weather
Club. The Clerk of the Weather to be President. Any member to
have any weather that he likes, on paying the small sum requisite for
the Clerk's deputy's subordinate's servant's fag's expenses—a nominal
sum—the price of a pint of beer. There seems to be some doubt as
to how the various weathers will work, since different people may
like different weathers. However, the experiment will be tried.
If a few farmers are found punching each other's heads, let us hope
that this will not interfere with a rational meteorological arrange-
ment. One man wants rain, another wants wind : let them settle it
between them. They can't make English weather very much worse
than it is.

"Mutual Admiration." For information as to this Club, see
Athenceum and Academy. Mr. Punch knows nothing about it.

THE PHILOSOPHY OF SMOKE.

" Efumo dare liccem."

The Meerschaum white, or the brown briar-root—
How many phases of life they suit!
Good luck or bad luck, glory or gloom,
All tone to one colour—take one perfume.
If you've just " struck oil," and with pride run mad,
If you haven't a sou, and are bound to the bad—
Good luck may vanish, or bad luck mend :
Put each in your pipe and smoke it, friend!

If you love a Lady, fair to view,
And she turns with a cold contempt from you,
While at your rival a smile she darts—
Walking m pride on a pathway of hearts,
Wrapt in her softness, dainty and nice,
Fire in her eyes, at her bosom ice—
In search of returns precious time why spend ?
Put your love in your pipe and smoke it, friend I

If you climb the ladder of politics,_ where
Whoso ascends breathes difficult air;
And, being highest of men of the time,
Are slightly elate with your seat sublime,
A little apt at yourself to wonder,
And mistake your own bray for real thunder;
Think how rockets rise and how sticks descend—
Put success in your pipe and smoke it, friend.

If Fame be your foot-ball, any day
A stronger player may kick it away.
Bound you to-day Lion-hunters smother;
Next week the Lion's skin goes to another.
From Popularity's box-seat hurled,
Lie still and see your successor purled.
A nine-days' wonder nine days will spend :
So put " vogue " in your pipe and smoke it, friend !

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No 30, Lora'ne Road, Knlloway, in the Parish rf ■ t. Mary, JMiiirtoi , in the County of Middlesex, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, Aznew, 4 Co. Lombard
Btieet, in the Precinct of SYlutc-fnais, in the City of Lundoj,, ana puolbh a i.y aim at.- o. 85, Fleet So eel, in the Parish of St. Bride, City of London.—Ss.turdiy, April 22, 1376.