Punch (70.1876)

56 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 19, 1876.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer takes charge of Marine
Insurance, in a daring attempt to stop the scuttling-holes in the
present law on the subject, which often make the loss of a rogue"
ship a gain to the rogue. Interference with rogues' gains ! No
wonder there is much vehement invocation of Freedom of Contract!
Can anything be more " delicate and difficult," as Me. Norwood
happily puts it ?

Side by side with Sir Stafford's Bill to diminish Insurance
frauds, Sir Charles Adderley brings in his instalment of
Merchant Shipping Reform—the temporary Act of last Session made
permanent, with a few improvements—a framework, at least, for
Mr. Plimsoll to hang Amendments on.

Mr. Cross gives us a much-wanted Commons Enclosure Bill. Mr.
Shaw Lefevre is very indignant to find it is all his thunder. Is it
any the worse for that ?—that he should put himself in such a
passion ?

Friday {Lords).—The Lord Chancellor propounded his plan of
a Court of Final Appeal—a most ingenious piece of Mosaic. The
Legal House of Lords—or the Lords' Court of Appeal—will include
the Law Lords, the Lord Chancellor, and two new Law-Life-Lords
at £6,000. In time the paid Judges of the Privy Council will be-
come also the paid Lords of the Lords' Court of Final Appeal,
who will at last be four. Then we shall have (to parody Goldsmith)

" A Bench contrived a double debt to pay,
Lords' Court to-morrow, Council-Court to-day! "

An economical scheme for reconciling the substance of a working
Court of Final Appeal with the shadow of a House of Lords juris-
diction—preserving a venerable name, while getting rid of a worn-
out institution.

{Commons.)—The salaries of Roman Catholic Chaplains in India
are to be raised—as they ought to be.

Mr. ScLATER-BooTn brings in a Bill for amending the law as to
valuation for rating purposes, handsomely acknowledging his
obligation to Me. Goschen, whose valuation machinery for the
Metropolis he has borrowed. It occurs to Mr. P., as a ratepayer,
that what is wanted, is not so much improvement in our rate-making,
as in our Ta.te-spending, machinery.

ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.

E up very early in the
morning, indeed, at day-
break, when all should
sally forth, with ladders
and telescopes, and watch
the birds pairing. Much
depends on what sort of
bird is hrst seen. If it is
a Wryneck, or a Crossbill,
make up your mind that
the course of true love (not
to be found on any map)
will not run particularly
smooth for you. If a Gold-
finch, or a Yellowhammer,
it is a sure sign that you
will marry money. But
if a Love bird, then it is
absolutely certain that nei-
ther parents, nor guard-
ians, nor long absence, nor
limited means, nor the
high price of provisions,
will prevent you from
marrying the person who
is dearer to you than all
the world besides. A
Blackbird is a clear in-
dication that your husband
will be a Clergyman; a Redbreast, that he willbe in the Army ; a
Bunting, in the Navy; a s Goose, or a Booby, should warn you of
a want of intellectual qualities ; a Duck will instinctively bring a
particular person to your recollection; and the sight of a pair of
Turtle Doves will make you blithe and happy for all the rest of
the day.

It is an undertaking fraught with considerable peril to send a
Valentine to a Ward in Chancery. Do not run the risk of fine and
imprisonment, unless you have first obtained the written sanction,
properly stamped, of the Loed Chancelloe, or a Judge at Cham-
bers. The document you propose to transmit must be filed in Court
at least fourteen days before the Fourteenth of February, accom-
panied by an affidavit, made before a Commissioner in Lunacy, that
the contents of the ,Valentine, if in MS., are your own original
composition, and that you have, at least, fifteen hundred a year, or

expectations from two wealthy maiden aunts, who approve of the
match.

Whatever the prevailing coiffure may be, on this day it is indis-
pensable that you should wear your hair in a true lover's knot.

In buying a Valentine to send to an adult, if you wish it to pro-
duce a favourable impression, the following precautions must be
strictly observed:—

1. Select a fine day in February for the purchase, when there is

no fog, and the wind is in the South-west, and there is blue
sky and sunshine, and the birds are singing on the trees.

2. Wear a Nosegay, composed of Bachelors' Buttons, Forget-Me-

Not, Heartsease, Love-in-idleness, Passion Flower, and
Speedwell.

3. Let every article of your dress be new, and worn on this occa-

sion for the first time. A Glossy Hat, a Blue Coat, with
brass buttons, White Waistcoat, Lavender Trousers, and a
Violet Scarf, present a tasteful and unobtrusive appearance.

4. Draw up to the door of the shop where you purpose making

your selection in a neat Brougham, or smart Victoria.

5. Take no change. If the Valentine you fix upon is priced

threepence, and you have only a sovereign in your purse,
beg the seller's acceptance of the balance. Any neglect of
this injunction, betraying, as it would, a mercenary spirit,
may lead to the destruction of your most cherished hopes.

6. Post your Valentine with your own hands, not in a Pillar-box,

not at a Receiving-house, but at St. Martin's-le-Grand,'if
you live in London; if in the Country, then at the Head-
office. For greater security, you had better register the
packet; and be particular in inviting the attention of the
clerk to the nature of its contents.

If the first time you go out of doors on St. Valentine's morning,
you should meet the same person in the same spot and at the same
moment in three successive years, you will be guilty of a dereliction
of duty if you do not mention to her the subject which is nearest to
your heart, and press for a favourable reply before post-time.

This being Leap-Year, there can be no objection, as an excep-
tional occurrence, to a Lady sending a Valentine to a Gentleman;
but she must first consult all her maternal female relatives, who are
unmarried and above forty years of age, on the propriety of the step,
and afterwards submit the Valentine itself to the family lawyer,
who will take Counsel's opinion upon it, if thought advisable.

A Memoir of Bishop Valentine, by his Private Secretary, with
Extracts from his Journals and Correspondence, and Portrait, is
understood to be nearly ready for publication.

SCHOOL OP COOKERY.

Examination Papers for the ordinary Degree of C.B. (Cordon Bleu.)

I.—Historical Cookery.

1. Of what form and consistency were the Crumpets Alfred the
Great burnt ? State their number.

2. Of what breed was the Goose cooked by Henry the Eighth
for Ms Queens ?

3. Relate the story of Vatel's precocious talent for making mud
pies.

4. {a) Give leading incidents in the lives of Soubise/Maintenon,

Bechamel, and Chateaubriand, and connect them with

their respective plats.
(5) What Cabinet was Nesselrode at the head of ?
(c) State the ingredients of the sauces, plats, or puddings to

which their names have been given.

5. Give the etvmologies of Kromeski, Chaudfroid, Salmi, and
Minestrone, and distinguish the latter from Minestra.

II.—Geographical Cookeey.

1. Give the latitude and longitude of Eel-Pie Island.

2. When did Cook discover.the Sandwich Islands ?

3. What is the Capital of the Land o' Cakes.

4. What pastures produce the Cream for Butter Scotch ?

III.—Peactical Cookeey.

1. Write out a Menu in the Tajpore, Judpore, and Fiji lan-
guages.

2. Give the French for Pickled Whelks, Plum Duff, Welsh Rab-
bit, Cock-a-leekie, Haggis, Pop-Corn, and Tummy Cake.

3. Give receipts for the following dishes:—Bread and Butter;
Toast and Water ; Baked Potatoes ; and Nursery Tea.

4. Analyse, translate, and explain—

Ravigote de Mollusques farcies a. la Creme de Pataboum.
Macedoine d'Orvietan de Stamboul en Turlupinade.
Petites Caisses Infernales a la Criniere de Poniatowski.
Trocadero Truffe a la Crenom d'un Petit Bonhomme.