Punch: Punch (70.1876)

Febbuaby 19, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

57

5. Give any anecdotes you know of the Lady Banker and the
Female Gardener familiarly referred to as La Financier-e: and
La Jardiniere.

6. Can yon serve up the following Menu at twenty-four hours'
notice, without assistance ?

Hors d'ceuvres Froids—Sharks' Tins and Kippered Trepang.
Potages—Mds d'Hirondelles ; clear Terrapin.
Poissons—Rouges de Java; Sea-Serpent Cutlets.
Entrees—Cervelle d'Oran-Outanfrite; Noix de Giraffe a la Financiere.
.Sofa-Buffalo Hump ; Wild Turkey.
Gibier— Canvas-baafe'd Ducks ; Delhi Peacocks.
Entremets — Bread-fruit Pudding ; Mangosteen Tart.

IV.—Miscellaneous Questions.

1. May a Scullery-Maid join Cook's Excursions if personally
well-conducted?

2. State your views upon Stock, Kitchen Grease, Unladylike
Conduct in Mistresses who will come down-stairs, Perquisites,
Tradesmen's Tips, and Sundays out.

3. How many times a week do you go to the Rink ?

4. Describe the manners and customs of the common Policeman.

AS YOU WEAR!

bess ! is a well-known
word of command. So
we need not wonder if
the uniform of Her Ma-
jesty's Army has been
of late occupying our
Military Heads. The
burning questions of
how the strap of the
forage-cap is to be worn,
and the amount of em-
broidery to be allowed
on the sleeves of the
mess-jacket, seem now
to have been set at rest
for ever. Mr. Punch
heartily congratulates
the Duke op Cam-
bbidge upon the com-
pletion of his arduous
labours, and trusts that
he will be equally. suc-
cessful with the twin
schemes — Localisation
and Mobilisation. But
yet the Sage of Fleet
Street is nothing if
not critical; and, ac-
cordingly, the following
further alterations in Her Majesty's livery (embodied in a Circular)
are suggested to H.R.H. the Field-Marshal Commanding in Chief,
with Mr. Punch's kindest regards and best compliments :—

Unieobm bob the Abut.

85, Fleet Street, Feb. 14, 1876.

For General Officers.—In future respirators will be worn between
the months of October and March. Wheel-chairs may be used in-
stead of horses at Reviews when the Sovereign is not present.
Crutches bound with an inch of gold lace (regulation pattern) may
be taken to Levees. Ear-trumpets in future to be carriecl hitched
up on the left side under the sword-belt.

For Captains.—Wigs are to_ be worn under the shako in cases
where the officers can count thirty years' service. White whiskers
to be dyed garter-blue in Review order.

For Subalterns.—In future, officers may bring their school-books,
black boards, and globes on to parade. When the battalion is ordered
to "stand at ease," officers will wear their blue spectacles over their
eyes two inches above the eyebrows. The hair in future may be
worn long (pattern, "German Professor"), and gloves can be dis-
pensed with.

For Privates.—In future, Soldiers taking part in a Review in
heavy marching order, will be required to wear their pin-befores.

sobelety in scotland.

In a lately published Parliamentary paper, the number of persons,
during the year ended the 30th of last June, arrested in Scotland
for drunkenness was 61,173. "Drunk and incapable," 38,213.
"Drunk and disorderly," 22,960. And have Scotchmen still the
cheek to sing "We are na fou, we 're nae that fou ? "

CLERICAL INTELLIGENCE.

At a meeting of High Churchmen for'discussion of the Burials
Bill, the Revebend T. Hugo is reported, in the Church Times, to
have spoken thus :—

" With regard to the grievance the Clergy felt at being the national under-
takers, it was one he felt in no small degree. It was an intolerable wrong
that a man who was excommunicated had a right to come to the Clergy to be
buried. But there was a greater grievance. No doubt every Dissenting
Minister had his black sheep, and, when the hand of death fell on them, he
might refuse to inter those black sheep ; the alternative being that the Clergy
would have to bury them, and so they would not only have the reprobates of
their own congregations, but all the carrion of dissent to bury, which, accord-
ing to law, might be turned over to them."

" The carrion of dissent! " What a pretty figure of speech for a
Clergyman to utterly How this "snowy-banded, delicate-handed"
Gentleman must shrink from the idea of being a " national under-
taker," and how tightly he must hold his nose the while he reads
the Burial Service over some black sheep of a Dissenter !

After using more strong language than we feel inclined to quote,
the Reverend—very Reverend—speaker thus concluded :—

""With the exception of a few here and there, Dissenters were chiefly
remarkable for impudence, ignorance and stupidity; and dissent was below
contempt as regarded its intellectual position. It was a base thing, and as
long as Churchmen kept it down under them, so long would there be happiness
and blessedness in England."

Hard words break no bones, or the dissenting body would be
found in a sore plight after such a speech as this. England must
indeed feel happy and blessed in the thought that she possesses
such a champion as this Churchman, ever ready to defend her from
the Dragon of Dissent.

HARD MEASURE.

Fbom a statement circulated by Mb. G. S. Measom, a member of
the Orphanage Working School Committee, it appears that the
" Joseph Soul Testimonial," raised in recognition of Mb. Soul's
services as Secretary to that charity and others, was not a payment
made directly to Me. Soul himself, but was a sum of money
(£1,337 lis. 6d., less necessary expenses) invested for the benefit of
Mbs. Soul and her daughter.

It further appears, however, that a Committee of the Orphan
Working School had generously awarded to Mb. Soul, on his
retirement from office, a pension equal in amount to his full salary.

Unhappily, it still further appears that on being reported to the
" General Court," this grant was, reduced £50 per annum, on the
alleged ground that " a testimonial had been got up for Mb. Soul's
benefit by Mb. Measom without consultation with any member of
the Committee "—which Mb. Measom denies.

Here, surely, there is some mistake. All kinds of governing and
legislative bodies comprise little-minded members, actuated chiefiy
by a sense of self-importance—nearly all the sense they have. Some
of them, under a show of zeal for economising corporate funds, are
apt, on opportunity, to indulge a predilection for reducing another
man's income. Doubtless, the majority of the Orphanage Working
School's General Court" is not composed of that kind of constitu-
ents ; and, if it has been betrayed into inflicting a disappointment
and an unmerited hardship on a worthy Soul, will lose no time in
rescinding a harsh resolution.

" Credat Judseus ! "

Sib,

Thebe was a Sermon in behalf of the Society for Promoting
Christianity amongst the Jews in our Parish Church last Sunday.
Walking home with my family afterwards, my eldest son (a very
hopeful young man, as you may guess) asked me what I considered
the greatest difference between Jews and Christians.

I answered that I knew of no other differences between them save
those of nationality and religion. To which he replied—

" Oh, yes, there is another very great difference. Christians take
much interest in the Jews, and Jews take much interest out of the
Christians."

I remain, dear Mr. Punch, Yours,

A Pboud Pabent.

BBOM "CHURCH AND STATE" TO "iBISH CHUBCH DISESTABLISHMENT."

" Mr. Gladstone has been admitted to the honorary freedom of the
Turners' Company."___

A Lusus Nature.—A Spelling-Bee in a Bonnet.