Punch (70.1876)

142 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 15, 1876.

FAT AND LEAN KINE.

Fat Man. " Fiye-and-Tnyenty Minutes without a Check ! You must have found tour "Waterproof vert Warm,
Mr. Wiggles? "

Mr. Wiggles. " My dear Sir, there is nothing of me to be Wtarm !"

In the long run the Government, recognising that it is a very pretty
quarrel as it stands, declined to interfere, by 145 to 69 ; and the im-
prisoned spirits remain as they are—in bond—but open to blending !

Desultory and ineffectual talk about the Slave Trade and the
Peace PreserYation Act in Ireland. Even Mr. Butt seemed ashamed
to press for relaxation of the Act, in face of such an agrarian outrage
as the attack by an armed and ambushed band on Mr. Bridges near
Mitchelstown.

Wednesday.—A premature, and, we need hardly add ineffectual
attempt of Mr. Dixon, to make Board Schools, and compulsory
attendance at them, universal throughout England— as the Scotch
have made both throughout Scotland. When the English are as
ripe for such a move as the Scotch, Mr. Dixon will not have to urge
his views in vain upon a large and variously recruited Majority.

Thursday [Lords).—The Lord Chancellor will not give the
House of Commons an opening for new discussion of the Royal
Titles Bill. He thinks "Localisation" may be secured by pro-
clamation, -without amendment of the Bill.

{Commons.)—In answer to Lord Hartington, Sir Stafford does
not consider it the duty of Her Majesty's Ministers to initiate a
financial policy for the Khedive. They have done quite enough in
bringing down his Stocks some twenty per cent, in as many days.

Mr. Hubbard on his favourite old hobby—Income-tax—with the
usual result—nil.

Some progress with Merchant Shipping Bill.

Friday (Lords).—Royal Titles Bill again. Lord Selborne doubts
whether,—

"Localisation by Proclamation
In Law ma}' not be bad,''

and John Bull may finish the adaptation,—

': A Queen with Two Heads bothers me,
And ' Empress ' drives me mad."

Cairns tried to pooh-pooh Selborne. But when such Doctors
differ, Punch will still hope, with Lord Denman, that the Queen

will still go by the old style, seeing that her subjects can't get over
the new one.

(Commons).—Some wretch, not having the fear of the Sergeant-
at-Arms before his eyes, has been signing the highly respectable
name of Newdegate to some indecorous petitions, insinuating nasty
things of convents, and their rules, practices, and inmates.

Mr. Callan moved the offensive petitions off the table. As their
proper destination clearly was the dust-hole, Mr. Newdegate was
ill-advised in resisting the motion for a moment, though the petition
was one against his pet bugbear.

Mr. Speaker submits to the House a curious question, " Shall a
petition from Boulogne (signed by French, as well as English inha-
bitants, of that hybrid sea-port), that their Consul may not sink to
Vice, be received by the House ?"

Mr. Disraeli is for receiving it; Mr. Gladstone, on the whole,
for declining to receive. It is not desirable (he thinks) to encourage
petitions against what might be a proper use of the Treasury cheese-
parers. Besides, to lend an ear to such a prayer, might stimulate
Consuls to get up an agitation against their degradation to Vices,
or set Vices trying to raise themselves to Consuls. Much as this
might seem to tend to morality, a good deal was said, and evidently
more remains to be said, on both sides. ' The point is to be referred
to a Committee, as it ought to be.

Mr. Knatchbull-Hugessen aired a matter which much interests
the Upper Ten—the grievances of Assistant Public School Masters.
Browning's case was lengthily discussed.

Mr. Cross interposed his mitts sapientia as usual, and doubted if
such public washing of their dirty linen benefited either Schools or
Masters, parents or pupils. Punch shares the doubt. The House
did well—he thinks—to decline grantinga Select Committee. Oh,
for an hour of old Keate ! Fancy the House of Commons offering
to interfere with him !

The removal of Woolwich Arsenal and the punching of Mr.
Palmer's head were then discussed with much emphasis, though
to uncommonly small audiences, and the varied evening's entertain-
ment wound up with the favourite farce of " Votes in Supply " !