Punch (70.1876)

April 15, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHABIVART.

143

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UNENCUMBERED.

Policeman. " Where d' yer Live ? " Lost Child. " Boo-oo ! 'Don't know ! "
Policeman. "Who's yer Father and Mother?"
Lost Child. " Ain't got none."

Policeman {perplexed). " Are yer Married ? " Lust Child. "No."
Policeman (relieved). " Ah, shure, thin ye're all right ! Away you go !"

[Crouxl disperses.

STOEES YOU THIRSTY THOUSANDS.

Two drays, three horses to each dray,
Besides one horse-and-cart, around,

Some sixteen goodly barrels lay,

" X " chalked on each, about the ground.

Nigh which a cellar's open door,

Had just admitted many more ;

The cellar of a House of Call
At Barnes, upon the River side,

Whereat the Public, great and small,'
With cheering liquors are supplied.

And all those barrels lying near,

Were full of Wandsworth's noted beer.

Another House upon the brink'
Of Thames, a little farther on,

Was choked with hampers holding drink,
Designed to be consumed anon.

The drink, a wayfarer found out,

Was bottled-ale and bottled-stout;

And not one quarter of the stock

Procured, expressly to allay
Enormous thirst of human flock,

The eve but one before the day
Of the great Boat-race 'twixt the Blues—
The Oxford and the Cambridge crews.

And those two taverns were but twain
Of many hundred hostels more,

Which, to supply the looked-for drain,
Provided as abundant store

Of every kind of beer and ale,

And wine and spirits, too, for sale !

Beneath teetotal tyrant rule

What preparation should we see,
The million's heated throats to cool ?

Cases of coffee; chests of tea ?
And lemonade disposed in pipes,

And tuns of ginger-beer for swipes s

nemesis of history.

The Children of Israel, under a Pharaoh, were op-
pressed with Egyptian Bondage. Now it seems they
are in a position to ask the Khedive twenty-two per
cent, on Egyptian Bonds. " Thus the whirligig of Time
brings about its revenges."

A NEW BACONIAN ESSAY.

Much excitement has been caused by the announcement of an
article in a Contemporary, with the startling title, The Latest
Theories about Bacon. Since the advertisement appeared, the trade
in a very favourite and useful article of food has been almost at a
standstill, buyers and sellers being equally unwilling to engage in
any extensive transactions until they knew whether revelations
were likely to be made affecting the character of a commodity of
large consumption, and representing a great pecuniary value.
Bacon has hitherto, on the whole, stood high in public estimation,
although some descriptions have been more fancied than others ; but
if " Theories " are to be started and publicly discussed, perhaps to its
detriment and disparagement, an injury may be inflicted on a most
estimable item of domestic consumption, welcome both at the break-
fast and dinner-table, and equally relished in the castle of the peer
and the cottage of the peasant, from which it may never again be
able to rally.

If Sausages had been made the subject of comment and specula-
tion, but scant surprise would have been felt, and the market would
probably have shown little or no sympathy with the attack ; but to
do anything which may shake the credit of Bacon is a very serious
proceeding, and one the consequences of which may be felt for years

POETRY AND PRONUNCIATION.

Under the title of " Purple versus Grey" the Post publishes a
piece of poetry, advocating the cause of "Purple," and signed

Winchilsea." This flight of genius extends to nine verses. Here
is the first of them :—

" Good People of England, attend to my lay,

Which treats of the Purple compared with the Grey,

And plainly declares that all facts are a farce

"When view'd through the light of a strong party glass."

Thus commences a real, genuine, and original " Song by a Person
of Quality." Its originality appears especially remarkable in the
notion of consonance exhibited in making ".glass " rhyme with
"farce." The next time our noble Bard tries his pen at versifica-
tion he will perhaps remember that " glass" is commonly considered
to rhyme with " ass."

Astronomy Royal.

A Correspondent of Galignani, having enumerated the illustrious
personages, the Grand Duke and Duchess of Baden, the Duke of
Edinburgh, Prince Louis and Princess Alice of Hesse, and the
to come, alike by the wealthy Wiltshire farmer and the humblest \ Emperor William, expected to be shortly present with the Queen

cotter in the remotest county of Ireland. Since the publication of
the Essay on Irish Bulls, we can recall no occurrence which has
produced a similar sensation. The writers of articles in Reviews
and Magazines should be careful what titles they prefix to their
lucubrations. In the present instance, a rasher one could hardly
have been devised.

The New " Imperial Measure."—The Royal Titles Bill.

at her Continental abode, informs us that-

" There is also a rumour that the Empress of Austria, on her return
from England about the same time, may join this galaxy, if but for a day."

He seems to forget that a galaxy, however brilliant, can be visible
only at night. Also that the Milky Way is supposed to consist of
innumerable myriads of stars, not merely of some half-dozen. Per-
haps, when he called six or seven Royal luminaries a galaxy, what
he meant to say was a constellation.