Punch (70.1876)

20 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 22, 1876.

BLARNEY.

Tall Yankee (just arrived). "Guess tour legal Fare is just Sixpence-"

Dublin Carman. "Sure, me Lord, we take some Chape Jacks at that—but I wouldn't disgrace a Gintleman av Your
Lordship's quality be Drivin' him at a mane pace t'rough the Public' Sthreets—.so I tuk upon myself to give Your Lordship
a Shillin'sworth both av Stoyle an' AVhipcard ! ! "

LES COGUES BRISES.

Since the production of Mr. Gilbert's Broken Hearts so much
ultra-sentimentality has found a vent in Belgravia, that the folloAving
sad cases of incipient insanity have been registered by the medical
gentlemen whose fashionable Victorias may be seen any day
careering wildly down Grosvenor Place :—

Lady Theodosia Spindleshanks, impressed too vividly .with the
beautiful idea of a sympathetic exchange of affection with inanimate
objects, has set up a large sable muff in her boudoir, which she
declares reminds her but too dearly of her faithless Charley in the
Blues. Alas, poor muff! he is warm-hearted, it is true, but cannot
squeeze her hands as her dear one did. Lady Theodosia burns two
candles (long fours) continually before it. She is at present occupied
in embroidering a cover for her pet muff.

The Honourable Maria Friskyfoot sees no one. Her many
admirers (she is a widow, and rich) have all to leave their cards and
turn away, unblessed with a sight of her, from her doors. She has
devoted all her ardent affection to the adoration of a spoon, silver, it
is true, bearing an ancient coat of many quarterings, but still
undeniably a spoon. The Honourable Maria has been heard to
declare that the soul of that barbarous baronet, Sir Paul Fitzpoodle,
hangs about that silver semblance ;—Sir Paul, who swore to marry
her when she became a widow, and who long ago consoled himself
with a wealthy Manchester manufacturer's daughter and heiress.
In vain she presses that spoon to her lips ; there is as yet, no
response from the cold metal, no sign of emotion in those armorial
bearings: still she will love it with all the ardour of a fading beauty,
and never, never, no, never, will she cast her eyes on that spoon
without recalling her cruel Paul.

Miss Ethel de Nigaud, the lovely and accomplished daughter of
an old Norman House, has left London and retired to the family
mansion in Shropshire, where there is no one but the Housekeeper
and Gardeners to interfere with her infatuation. Every morning
she decorates with holly and ivy, and such hot-house flowers as can

be obtained, the fine old Pump standing in the stable-yard. She is
convinced that a magnetic chord exists, connecting this relic with

the Member for-, to whom she was devoted, and from whom she

expected a proposal of marriage all last season. That Pump is the
object of her worship, and 'the recalcitrant M.P. little thinks what
image reproduces him to the mind of the little Ethel he was proud
to flirt with in Society. -. , - - >_ ,

We believe that the accomplished author of Broken Hearts is
responsible for all these aberrations of intellect, and we beg of him
to consider under what a fearful weight of responsibility he exercises
his great powers of imagination and invention.

DREAM OF A SPELLING-BEE.

Menageries where sleuth-hounds caracole,
Where jaguar phalanx and phlegmatic gnu

Fright ptarmigan and kestrels cheek by jowl
With peewit and precocious cockatoo ;

Gaunt seneschals, in crotchety cockades,
With.seine-nets trawl for porpoise m lagoons;

While scullions gauge erratic escapades
Of madrepores in water-logged galleons :

Flamboyant triptychs groined with gherkins green,

In reckless fracas with coquettish bream,
Ecstatic gurgoyles, with grotesque chagrin,
, Garnish the gruesome nightmare of my dream!

The Largest Piece'of Porcelain ln the World.—The great
Wall of China.__

Everyday Occurrence.—A Ministerial Crisis in France.

Printed bv Joseph Smith, of No 30, Toraine Road, Holloway, in the Parish of St. Mary, Islington, in the County of Middlesex, atthe Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradhury, Aenew. & Co., Lombard
Btrect, in the Precinct of Whitefriars, in the City of Londo.:, and published by him at fc5 Fleet Street, in the Parish of st. Bride, Ci'y of London.-Satcrday, Januiry, 22, lo/b.