Punch (70.1876)

42

[February 5, 1876.

YOUNG CHELSEA v. OLD.

y

The Stormy Petrel of the Future, sweeps
(>r among birds is Petrel's flight too narrow :
Should we not rather call him Java Sparrow?
From that far isle one day we hear his
twitter,

The next at Chelsea he shows, brisk and
bitter,

The liveliest " sparrcr" if a wildish
hitter.

Pardon the pun—let " sparrow*be pre- | sun
ferred

For him who shims o'er subjects like a bird,
And wider, wiser, than e'er bird that Hew,
The world embraces in a bird's-eye view.
i\ot the bird's-eye, of course, in smoke that
ends,

But that which loftiest elevation lends,
To look down on the British Constitution—
Old wheel-work, but stdl good for revolu-
tion !

After swift survey, hear him condescending
To prove to us how all in it needs mending.
So one may sometimes see a Chelsea sparrow
Peeping into a bone that once held marrow,

0, tell me not, in cold an-
^ ticipation,

I\ext Session's horo-
scope portends stagna-
tion,

While Chelsea's Baronet
o'er vasty deeps,

And after squinting down it for a minute,
Conclude, off-hand, that there is nothing
in it.

When the contents but lie beyond his
peep,—

The Sparrow's ken too short, the bone too
deep.

By Chaffers let " old Chelsea's " praise be

61

Punch, chief of chaffers, takes his Chelsea
young.

At sales old Chelsea mugs may cut a figure,
Young Chelsea's mug, self-mirrored, cuts

a bigger.
Let China-maniacs the old prefer,
The 3Toung's omniscient, and can never err ;
Then happy Chelsea, whose far - seeing
Bart.,

Surveys mankind, and scorns not to impart
To "free and independents" ne'er so rough,
Of his collective wisdom quantum suff.;
Nay some, profane, may say, more than
enough.

THOROUGHFARE v. BARRACKS.

Goveilbtment, it is reported, have deter-
mined to pull down the Knightsbridgo Bar-
racks. So far so good. But they have also
determined, it is said, to build another, and
bigger, and better, block of barracks in their
stead.

Kensingtonia, a wealthy and fashionable
suburb, naturally objects to any such erection
—with its fringe of beerhouses and music-
halls—in its midst, and is up in arms, and,
like other interesting creatures in arms, crying
loudly. As it has Lords and Millionnaires to
utter its disgust, there is no fear but it will
make its wrongs and wishes very distinctly
audible.

There are so many more crying grievances
pressing on poorer Metropolitan populations,
that Punch cannot bring himself to take this
of Kensingtonia from the Knightsbridge bar-
racks very seriously to heart. Still, if a wider
roadway could be substituted for a cavalry
barracks, no doubt all who haA'e occasion to use
a much frequented approach to the Metropolis
would bless the Board of Works.

THE WABDEN OF THE STANDARD.

"Bottle Measure.—The "Warden of the Standard
has occasion again to advert to the subject of the size
of bottles. Six years ago it was represented to the
Standards Commission that wine and ale bottles,
commonly known as reputed quarts or pints, were
getting smaller. The "Warden of the Standard verified
standards of these measures in 1870, and he now re-
ports that he re-verified them in 18/5. But he has
to state that these newly-legalised measures do not
appear to be much used. In the whole of the last
few years not quite a hundred bottle and half-bottle
measures have been verified for the use of local
inspectors of weights and measures ; only two in the
last year ! "—Newspaper Paragraph.

Here 's the Warden of the Standard !

A useful officer he ;
Though by many Good Templars slandered,

The need of his office I see.
He has a good deal of work in

Making the publicans swear,
Yet hogshead, kilderkin, firkin,

Are smaller than once they were.
In his drink the labourer is cut short,
Getting a pint and a half for a quart.

The Warden stamps the bottles

That are brought to him to stamp :
Alas for thirsty throttles

When the Bungs fair measure scamp !
They laugh at you, not rarely,

With a mean, dishonest laugh,
When for your quart you pay squarely,

And get but a pint and a half.
Measures are passed of a silly sort:
Best measure of all is the honest quart.

Good Bung, give us malt full measure,

Drink brewed in October prime,
Wherein to dip beak is a pleasure,

And to scrimp thereof a crime.
Here's health to squire and peasant

Who own or till the ground,
Both find their liquor pleasant;

I wish it were always sound !
But a plague on the salted and hocussedtap
The labourer often is doomed to lap—
The man who sells such deserves a rap !

The Voice of Truth's Last Lie.

Moistsignor Tezani's report of Professor
Rolii's recantation and return to the bosom of
the Church in extremis, seems, on sifting, to
be a case of " Rolli, Poly, gammon and
spinach," and, as such, peculiarly fitted for
the propagation of the Voce delta Verity,—a
title, if ever there was one, on the " lucus d
non lucendo " principle.