Punch (70.1876)

74

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 26, 1876.

THE RULING PASSION.

Prison Chaplain (charged to report on Convicts religious Knowledge). "Do you know the Commandments? "
Priso-ner. "Yes, Sir." Prison Chaplain. "Say the Eighth.'''

Prisoner (promptly). " Thou Shalt do no manner of Work ; thou, nor thy Son, nor thy Daughter," &c.

A "WORD FOR WALKER.

Perhaps the hilarity as well as the utility of the " Spelling Bee "
would he augmented by making it also a Pronouncing Bee, so as to
combine rivalry in right speaking with competition in orthography.
The President of the " Bee " to spell out the word which he invites
the members to pronounce ; it being also posted up before their eyes
in large print. A Pronouncing Bee would probably afford the
following amongst other no less elegant examples of popular
utterance :—

"Ask"—ast, arsk, awsk, (Cockney) ax. "Basket"—barsket,
bawsket. " Class "—clarse. "Master"—mawster, muster, measter
{rustic). "Bad"—baud or bod (superfine rustic). "Bore"—baw
{superfine swell). "Bull"—bul {northern rustic). "Pudding"—
pud-ding, ud as in mud {ditto). "Common"—kimmon. "Cover"
— kiwer. " Creature " — creacher. " Curiosity " — curosity.
"Ear"—year. "Here"—ear. " Draw "—drawr. "Law"—lawr.
"Saw"—sawr (Cockney). "See"—zee {rustic). "Face"—veeace
(rustic). '' Grievous " •— grievious. '' Tremendous '' — tremcnjus.
"Hand"—'and. " House "—'ouse. "Hour"—horn. "Honour"
—Aonour. "Horse"—hoss, 'orse ,'oss. "I"—Oi (northern rustic).
"Spaniel" — spannel. "Spirit" — sperrit. "Thanks"—thenks.
"Time"—toime (Cockney). "More"—moor (rustic). "New"—
noo. " Duty " — dooty. " Tuesday " — Chooseday, Toosday.
"Tune"—toon. "Veal"—weal. " Vehicle "—wehicle. "What"
—wot, vot. "When"—wen. " Which "—witch. "You"—yer.

The standard of reference at Spelling Bees has hitherto been too
exclusively Webster's Dictionary—a gross insult to the shade of
Dr. Johnson. But surely due regard should now be paid to that
other Lexicographer whose authority is held to have determined the
speech as well as the spelling of our native tongue. It is the reverse
of true that Spelling Bees are all "Walker." The operation of
Walker on the Spelling Bee would possibly effect a considerable
diminution of the crime of clipping the Queen's English, whereby
the ears of the more cultivated classes of Her Majesty's loyal
subjects are too commonly offended.

HYMN TO VICTORIA.
(After Ben Jonson.)

Queen or Empress, Lady fair,
Sovran of the swelling deep,
Who, in distant Orient air,
Dost the sway of nations keep ?

Must we, changing style with scene,
Hail an Empress in our Queen ?

Where the tiger haunts the glade,
Where the mystic Ganges flows,
Where we English, unafraid,- • •
Govern friends who once were foes,
There thy power is felt, unseen,
There men bow to England's Queen.

Lay the imperial style apart;

Leave it to the lords of legions:
Queen in every English heart,
Be thou Queen in Eastern regions.
Keep thy style and state serene—
Who so great as India's Queen ?

Beams in the Balance.

There is reason to believe that the " Imponderables " are about
to be abolished. A distinguished Chemist has, if not mistaken,
determined, by experiment, that Light at least is ponderable. At
the Royal Institution, the other Friday evening, Mr. Crookes gave
a lecture, in which he appears to have actually demonstrated the
possibility of weighing a ray of Light. Now if Light has weight,
the weight of Light in some quantity must be no light weight, and
in that case, therefore, it is manifestly not a paradox to say that
light is heavy.

Printed by Joseph Smith, of No. 30. Xoraine Road, Hollow.iT. in thp Parish of St. Marv, Islineton, in the County of Mti<Jdl»s»x at the Printinsr offices of Messrs. Bradbury, A?nev-,& Co _ Lombard
Street, in the Precinct of "W hitefriars, in the City i.flon Ion, and j ublished by" him at No. 85, Flee; str et, in t.e Parish of at. Bride, City or Lond ,n.-Siiv'BiJAT, r'ehru jy 26,18/6.