Punch (70.1876)

86

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 11, 1876.

THE PREVAILING EPIDEMIC.

Paterfamilias {dismally, to Uncle John, whe has calhd to ask the young People to dine, and go to the " Play'"). " AVell, We've kather
a Sick House! 'Fact is, we've been Rinking a good deal lately. Matilda has damaged her Knee-Cap; Grace has got a
Black Eye and lost some of her Teeth ; George has sprained his Wrist ; and Fred's in bed with a comminuted Fract-"

Servant {at the Door). " Dr. Splinter, Mum I ! " [Tableau/

million he asks for. If the figure-head of the Navy were carved out
of the same stuff as the ex-officio head of the Army, it would be
all the better both for the Services and the Ministry.

Were Hunt but as Hardy 'twere well for the Navy;
But a Hunt for a Hakdy means taking your davy
That whate'er you go in for will end mpeccavi!

Friday.—Mr. Osborne Morgan's Resolution, affirming1 the right
of all parishioners to be buried in their parish churchyards without
reference to the burial service that may be celebrated over them,
was defeated, in a House of 527, in the teeth of the "uncompromising"
opposition of the Government, by a minority of 31. Shall we say
next year, or the year after, for the Bill ? After such a division, it
is clearly due.

WEATHER FORECAST.

Based upon Calculations made during the Present Year.

Thursday.—It may rain. Very prudent people will take out
umbrellas.

Friday.—Probably wet. Ordinarily cautious folks will not leave
home without umbrellas.

Saturday.—Rain and sleet may be looked for. The price of
goloshes will increase twenty-five per cent.

Sunday.—A snow-storm may be expected, accompanied by wind.
No one will go to Church without a greatcoat and an umbrella.

Monday.—It is likely to rain. Several nasty cases of umbrella
stealing will be reported from the Clubs.

Tuesday.—There is a great chance of a wet day. Umbrella steal-
ing will continue, and much bad language will be used in smoking-
rooms.

Wednesday.—The odds are in favour of its pouring cats and
dogs. Thousands, in their eagerness to buy Punch, will leave their
umbrellas at home.

THE REJECTED OF ROME.

A " Presbyter" (High) " Anglicanus "
Would, forthwith, turn Sacerdos Romanus,

" If you d only agree

To admit us," says he,
" Not requiring to first reordain us."

We own English Orders ? Prof anus !

Ineptus, insulsus, insanus !

Did he verdure espy

In the living Pope's eye ?

Stupidissimus asinus vanus !

Speaking Out.

Punch finds this advertisement in a provincial paper :—

WANTED, a GENERAL SERVANT, one who can neither Read nor
Write preferred. She must be clean, obliging, willing, and honest.
Good wages given.—Apply personally, to M., Post Office, &c.

Would cleanness, obligingness, willingness, and honesty be any
the worse with reading and writing ? Let us hope that, if the former
qualifications were found in the applicant to " M.", the reading and
writing would not be fatal—disqualifications !

Notice.

As the recent discussion about Crossed Cheques has produced a
state of anxious agitation, difficult to describe, among several
nervous elderly Ladies and amiable Clergymen, it is requested that
all Cheques, about which there may be any hesitation as to their
immediate destiny, be made payable to Mr. Punch or order, Fleet
Street, without crossing of any kind.