Punch (70.1876)

120

PUNCH, OB, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 1, 1876.

bridge Boat Race, and the University Cricket Match ; but those two
great contests have never been properly recognised on the banks of
the Cam and the Isis. I see a good opportunity for some repara-
tion in the proposed redistribution of the Oxford funds. Two
chairs (one for Cricket, the other for Boating) might be advan-
tageously established ; and perhaps a small fund might be reserved
for the entertainment of ex-Lord Mayors by victorious Eights,, or
conquering Elevens.
Let this be done, and I say that Athletic Oxford will be more

than satisfied.

Yours most truly,

An Old Blue.

(Letter V. Postmark, " Little Peddlinc/ton")
Mr. Editor,

Sir,—You will see by my signature that I am the celebrated
Tragedian. Sir, in that character I have a right to be heard.

Sir, what do our young men know about elocution ? Nothing—
absolutely nothing. Don't talk to me, Sir, about a Public Orator.
Pshaw, Sir !—his office is a sinecure, a farce, a sham! Sir, I hear
that Oxford proposes to spend her money after a new fashion. By
aU means let her do so.

I am given to understand, Sir, that the University boasts a
Theatre of its own (I have my own doubts upon the subject, Sir ;
for I cannot find it mentioned in the Era: but no matter). Then
let that Theatre (if it exists) be worthily filled.

Sir—mark me well—let the University make it worth my while,
and I will allow our youth to see me nightly in a round of my most
famous Shakspearian parts.

As you know, Sir, lam the Hamlet, Macheth, Romco} Apothecary
(as played by me at the Theatre Boyal Sadler's Wells for more than
three consecutive nights), Othello and. Fal'staff of the epoch. Xeed
I say more ?

Sir, your obedient Servant,

Garrick Keiible Jones,

Late of the Theatre Royal Sadler's Wells.

. P.S. Should my offer be refused, I shall be at liberty at Easter
for Tragedy, Eccentric Comedy, and Utility. I understand the
time—eight.

(Letter VI. Postmark, " London,

Mr dear Mr. Punch,

Doubtless there will be many excellent suggestions made
for the redistribution of the Eunds of Oxford University. Accord-
ingly, I am a little shy of advancing the claims of the class to which
I myself belong, and yet if something could be done for us, it would
indeed be a blessing. Indirectly, many an Oxford man working
either in the slums of London or in the heathen lands of the country
might be benefited. But the will must be precursor of the way.

Sick caUs, Lenten duties, and my ordinary parochial work prevent
me from writing more.

Your faithful Servant,

A Poor Curate.

questions for ant number oe bees.

1. Spell Ljubibratics.

2. Pronounce LxubLbratics.

3. Who is Ljublbratics ?

intending to enter the Army. My present duties are confined to

company drill, the internal economy of a regiment (inspecting raw PUNCH S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

meat and tasting weak tea), and occasionally assisting at the deli- —ood 'oke (77-7-

berations of our Mess Committee. j^^^^^^. Ml TifJ^i,,, iJr i

Whv should not some of the University Eunds be devoted to /mKE&S^J^ § 9M»rKk Tn

purchasing parade-grounds and the endowment of a Chair of Mili- JHfBP^^^jM S™Tw ftf A?

tary Science ? I may say the exercises would be of local as well as §1/ bt^ttVs — W 11

of general importance. As a soldier it is my opinion that even the __r-^RPT ' ^ rttt™™^^

Heads of CoUeges would be benefited by a course of " setting-up A \ 1>C ? —. S?n T6

drill," and as for'"the coaches " a month of "par-buckling" and a W SJ^^MO^X a * ugitive-Ooolie

fortnight of " trench digging " would do them aU the good in the y hM/^5^L»rl of 1 v * w

world-it would make men of them, Sir. / JU W^M PM(tu iugitive telave

For the sake of the Service you will be glad to hear that what I s£ / » l^K M V/- / CAVE S 1 Circular having

learned at Oxford I completely forgot at Sandhurst. 7 l/Cv :~$'lfA ::>: R:p°". L proved such a

jo i i»/ \ y^/ vi success r Lord

Yours faithfully, A W ^& /L ;_.,,^„ Jfp\ Derby, with per-

B. A. (Oxford), Lieutenant—th Foot. >§Sf ( "j&F^S1»^*vT; •^^^lAf feet seriousness,

/L_i? ' -^iSizmi disclaimed any

(Letter IY. Postmark, " Putney") (r^h^~J^ ■ l^J ^^^^^^^i such intention.

Mr. Editor, hlr^^^^^^Wx (Commons).—
Ear be it from me to suggest that a good oar must \lliT*^**"

/^^^^^^"v"" In Comrnittee ?n

necessarily be a bad scholar (on the contrary, many of our best ' • \ Royal Titles Bill,

Blues have been the prides of their respective Colleges); but surely B^^p^^l^fflp|v,' Mr. Disraeli

field and water sports might now take rank with cramming. Ml%T :-~ f ^Pj^X tried to take the

The London Public, Sir, fully appreciate the Oxford and Cam- W/'tV-. V^TSv st-ng out of

Bill by explain-
ing that the
Oueen would,
under no circum-
stances, assume

the style of Empress in England. Victoria in fact, is to be
Empress, " Limited"—to India—and her children, furtherlWest, are
still ,to be Ptoyal—not Ptoyal and Imperial—Highnesses. Lord
Hartington was sorry this re-assuring pledge had not been given
before Second Reading of the Bill. Still he foresaw awkward com-
plications. Think of the difficulty of keeping the Snobocracy—Social
and Municipal—to the old title. There would be something so
irresistibly tempting to Jenkins in a new and lower form of Kotow !

Serjeant Simon wanted to include a reference to the Colonies in
the Royal Style. Our Warwick—Empress-maker as he is—really
didn't just now see how that was to be managed, but did not despair
that some day a happy device might be hit upon !
_ Now it has come to tinkering the Royal Title, Punch can't for the
life of him see the difficulty of turning out a serviceable and com-
prehensive article. What is the objection to "Victoria by the Grace
of God, of Great Britain, Ireland, India, and the British Colonies
and Dependencies, Oueen r " Or—better stiU, because briefer,—why
not, " Victoria of the British Dominions Oueen ? " Mr. P. will be
happy to meet the Right Hon. B. D., the Right Hon. W. E. G., the
Right Hon. Sir S. N. Bart, and the Right Hon. Lord Hartington,
and will back himself to help those four lame dogs over the Royal
Style in the course of an hour's confab, with the aid of a sedative
cigar.

After some boggling, and with many wry faces from the Opposi-
tion, and no great appearance of relish on the part of the Majority,
the Bill was got through Committee without a division.

Then the House, having shaken off its nomenclative nightmare,
went joyously into Committee of Supply, and knocked off a good
batch of " excess votes " in Army and Navy Estimates.

Tuesday (Lords).—Lord Salisbury has ventured—Rylands not-
withstanding—to make the post' of Indian Councillor tenable
during good behaviour. Their Lordships are to have the comments
of the Hebdomadal Council and Convocation on the Oxford Bill,
before going into Committee. That is only fair.

(Commons).—Thank you, Mr. Ritchie, for a very useful expose
of the constitution, efficiency, expense, and pay of the Metropolitan
Eire Brigade, in support of demand for a Select Committee. Would
that all Committees asked and granted had as good a ground laid for
them or the chance of being as useful.

Shaw the Life Guardsman used to be a popular hero in the days
when the Battle of Waterloo came off annually atAstley's. Our
Shaw—the Life and Property Guardsman—has a more solid claim
on London's recognition, for he does a large work with small means,
and spends himself and his men freely for very inadequate reward.
If all our big Babylon's municipal services were as well adminis-
tered, manned and worked as her Fire Brigade, we should have
less need for reform of our Local Government.

Dr. Cameron—with Scotch shrewdness and Highland pluck-
brought forward the grievances of the Talisman's crew ; the men,
imprisoned without trial, for more than a year, in a filthy dungeon
at Callao, then released without compensation, after being forced to
serve the Peruvian Government for a cruise aboard their own ship ;
the officers still untried prisoners after fifteen months' suffering,
and one of them murdered en attendant by one of the native ruffians
shut up in the same foul hole.

Mr. Bourke told at great length the story of the Talisman—seized