Punch (70.1876)

172 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [April 29, 1876.

WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT IT.

Magister Familias (parting with Ms Butler). " Here is the Letter, Flanagan. i can conscientiously say you are Honest
and Attentive, but i should have to stretch a Point if i were to say you are Sober."

Mr. Flanagan. " Thank you, Soe. But when you are afther sthritchin' a Point, Sor, wouldn't you, plase, sthritch it a

little further, and say I'm aften sober ! ! "

THE HEAD-QUARTERS OE HEALTH.

An illustration of the saying that the shoemaker's wife and
children are ever of all people the worst shod, more signal even than
that exhibited by the ill-ventilated Royal Institution, the chief seat
of Chemistry, presents itself in the ill-drained public offices at
Whitehall, the quarters, inter alia, of the Local Government Board,
successor to the Board of Health. Of these offices, which are among
the recent achievements of the contractors under the Board of Works—

" The drainage is so defective that visitors to the huilding, and those -whose
unfortunate lot compels them to pass their lives there, are forced to breathe an
atmosphere which their sense of smell soon tells them is tainted with sewer
gas._ The drains pass in some parts under the buildings, the joints are de-
fective, and the buildings have settled, the result being that the basement is
in parts flooded. The whole energies of the Board of Works are occupied in
effecting little ridiculous economies in articles of office furniture ; and unless
some champion arise to stir them up, many a poor fellow will suffer from the
effects of breathing polluted air, as I understand some already have."

Thus far, in the Times, " Omnia Sanitas." This ought to be the
motto of the Board of Works, but at Whitehall we find, on the
contrary, qiuedam, and plurima—indeed, insanitas. Not only are
sanitary arrangements conspicuous by their absence, but conditions
thence resulting are odoriferous from their presence. The basement
of that building is evidently in a most vile state ; and the filth, not
removed from it by being laid at the door of the Board of Works,
may be pointed to as an example of the lowest depth of muddle.
Obviously, an outbreak of typhoid fever is imminent at the very
centre of sanitary authority. Sanitary Reform, like Charity, should
begin at home. Let the Board of Works set some Hercules imme-
diately at work to cleanse its own Augean stable, and not leave it a
warning in the nose of all local authorities who come to consult their
central oracle, " how not to do it."

Motto for the Royal Titles Bill.—"Divide, et Impera."

AN EARNEST HINT TO SIGNOR ROSSI.

Caro Signore,

Let me begin by expressing my sincere sympathy with you
under your mortifying extinction of voice. But then, why do you
give such a handle to our cruel East wind as is presented by lower
limbs indifferently protected by tights of black-silk webbing ? Do,
I implore you, for the sake of appearances, as well as more effectual
protection from the " ethereal mildness " of our English spring, add
a black-velvet skirt to your black-velvet jerkin. If you could only
see yourself as others saw you on Wednesday ! You looked, for all
the world, like a respectable butler or groom of the chambers who
had forgotten to put on a coat over his sleeved waistcoat. But the
butler would have spared us the comical effect of a broad baldric of
gilt plates worn obliquely over his black tights and portly bow-
window. A yard of black velvet will do it all, and make you at
once more comely and more comfortable. I repeat, people can't
afford to go about in an English April, with their lower limbs cased
in black-web tights, et prceterea nihil.

Yours, with best wishes and kindest regards,

An Australian Eden.

Here's a prospect! Talk of the Recruiting Sergeant and his
couleur de rose — how about the Emigration Agent ? Read the
following, cut from a Bristol paper, 0 Working-men—and don't
believe it!

WANTED, Emigrants for Queensland, the finest and richest country
in the world. In ten years a Working-man can easily secure a splendid
landed estate, and be the owner of minerals, timber, game, &c. Instead of
strikes and starvation, he can there sit under his own vine, with plenty in
his pantry. No game laws, no class, exclusiveness, but liberty and kangaroos.
Terms: Farm labourers, free; tradesmen, £5, and £3 for wife; domestic
servants free, and train fare to London paid. Next ship,-—, from London,
May 5.—Apply immediately, &c.

:

inted by Iiceph Smith, of No. 30, Toriine Road, Hnllowav. in the Parish of St. Mary, Tslineton. in the Count v of Middles°x, at the Printing Offices of Messrs. Bradbury, As-new. <& Co. .Lombard
Street, m the Pretmct of Whitefriars, in the City of London, and published by him at No. to, Fleet St'jet, in tue Parish uf St. Bride, Ci*y of Londjn.-SAioRCT, April 29, 1876.