Punch: Punch (70.1876)

May 13, 1876.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

189

"'HIGH' LIFE BELOW STAIRS ! "

Master [sniffing). "There's a most extraordinary Smell, James. I've

noticed it several-"

Hall Porter. " I don't wonder at it, Sir. I 've spoke about it Down-
Stairs. The Butler, Sir, tod see is ' 'Tgh Church,' which he 'as fit up

a horatory in the pantry, AND burns HlNCENSE. We could stand that ;

but the Cook is the ' Low Church ' persuasion, and she burns Brown
Paper to hobviate the Hincense. It's perfeckly hawful on Saints'
Days, Sir !! !"

TIGHT FISH.

Perhaps the audience at the Royal Institution the other Friday evening
included Sir Wilfrid Lawson. If so, a portion at least of a lecture delivered
by Mr. Gr. J. Romanes, on the "Physiology of the Nervous System of the Me-
dusae," must have captivated him. It is reported as follows. On those animals—

" Many experiments were tried to test the effect of poisons, or what are poisons to
most vertebrates. The actions were almost identical. Alcohol produced all the successive
stages of intoxication, from irregularity of swimming to hilarity of motion and final
comatose sleep, which was always recovered by a night's rest. The lecturer regretted
he had not tried the restorative effects of soda-water "—

And perhaps of pick-me-up. A man addicted to liquor is sometimes said to
drink like a fish, which is just what such persons do not, though the compulsory
Teetotallers do their best to make them. From the foregoing account, however,
it appears probable that fishes in common with most vertebrates can be affected
by poisons, including alcohol, and that jelly-fishes, though not vertebrate, were
actually intoxicated with it. Salt water is, of course, the strongest beverage of

" Fishes that tipple in the deep."

_ They " know no such liberty ". as that of which Sir Wilfrid and his asso-
ciates seek to deprive their neighbours. It is only by scientific experiment
that philosophers can ascertain how fishes, usually water-drinkers, behave
under the influence of spirits and water. They prove, it appears, unable to
swim straight, they roll and tumble about, and finally become senseless. In
this condition it might puzzle a Policeman, taking up a fish, to discern if it were
drunk or dying. The "Talking Fish" some time ago exhibited was if not a
fish still a "vertebrate." If a talking fish were made tipsy, how would il
talk ? As inarticulatelv, no doubt, as a Lord of the Creation, not to say a Chris-
tian in like case. In short, it seems that fishes behave exactly as human being?
do when half-seas-over. In that state they might, like the Spartan Helots,
be utilised as ridiculous examples. But really, is not experimenting on animals
with intoxicating liquors as shocking as vivisection ?

A MONDAY NIGHTS "DREAM.

A Fantasia. Composed and dedicated to his friend
Mr. Arthur. S. Chappell, by his ever grateful
friend, Mr. Punch.

(There is no evident reason why this very original
and most fascinating composition should be styled
" Fantasia" any more than the other grand compositions
of the same Master. That it is constructed in a wholly
independent manner, and that each movement shows a
certain fantastic character, is true. To analyse the so-
called "Fantasia" in detail would occupy more space
than can be afforded ; but a brief quotation from each of
the principal themes will suffice to call attention to the
character and plan of each successive movement.—Our
Own Analytical Programmist.)

Introduzione—Allegretto.
A winter evening, and a spacious room,
A creeping fog, and a mysterious gloom—
No sight or sound that hints the picturesque—
A brass-bound piano, and a fiddler's desk.
Ladies sitting at their knitting,
Or chatting o'er their tatting ;
The vast amphitheatre filling,
Modest votaries of the shilling,
And the tardy stalls, up-driving,
Just in nick of time arriving.
Now the gas bursts into brightness
And each heart leaps up in lightness,
While a fiddle's distant flourish warns each wayward
sound to stop.
Do you ask me what's to-night meant
By this flutter of excitement ?
'Tis the Hall of Great St. James's. We are at a Monday
Pop.

Andante Cantabile.

When the soul with sorrow laden

Finds no answer to its moan
In the jocund voice of Haydn,

Or Mozart's pellucid tone ;

When our Schubert's cunning lyre

Fails to draw us at its will,
And the deeps of our desire

E'en Beethoven cannot still;

When the mists that bound things human
We have sought to pierce in vain,

Then we turn to thee, 0 Schumann,
Bid thee sing to us our pain.

Scherzo e trio.

Quartett in A minor—

Sure nothing is finer,
And no one e'er heard a performance diviner3:

For strength and for neatness,

For purity, sweetness,
And all that is blent in the joy of'completeness.

Finale. Presto agitato con brio.

Now with all the speed they can,
All four playing like one man :
And a rapture half-divine
Steeps the senses, as in wine !
Joachim, Zerbini, Strauss—
Steadfast pillars of the house ;
Joachim, Piatti, Ries—
Where are players like to these ?
. And Sir Julius, their chief,
With his laurel, green of leaf.
To your sovereign long be loyal,
Children of the chappell-Royal.
Should you fail us but for one day,
" Transit gloria " of that " Monday."
Let them cry from every steeple
We 're no music-loving people—
While we 're drawn from every part
By the magic of Mozart ;
While two thousand souls are cloven
By the beauty of Beethoven—
They may call us what they will;
We will come and listen still!