Punch (70.1876)

232

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAREVAKI.

[June 10, 1876.

POPULAR HYMNOLOGY.

Mistress (with a Ritualistic turn). "And how did you like the Festival
Service, Martha ?"

Martha (from the Country). "Lor', Mum, it webs Beautiful! There was
a lot o' Men and Bots a-marcrtn' round and round the Church with
Flags, and a-singin' ' Onward, Christy Minstrels !' "

THE APPEAL OP THE PIOUS POUNDER.

'Twas the Ghost of a Pious Founder stood

By Cotton's couch, in the night-watch dim,
Above his brow it seemed to brood,

Then thus did make appeal to him :—
" Oh sturdy champion of civic right,

Yet a little let reason give thee pause,
Provoke not a more than doubtful fight,

Nor valour waste in a hopeless cause !

'' We built, you inherit; and all our aim

"Was within the ring of the Public Weal.
Time changes. You seekers of civic fame

Have with other duties and days to deal.
Make not our names mere snares to trip

The feet whose progress we sought to speed,
And let not Prerogative's jealous grip

Minister only to pride and greed !

With wrath Cotton's hair stood up, but—" Nay,"

Quoth the mild Shade, " pray, be not wroth !
You 're all of you hon'rable, I dare say,

But why to the proof of the fact so loth ?
'lis clear public purpose bars private right,

Of that truth though you and Bowyer are scorners ;
Be wise ; up windows and let in the light,

Cobwebs may lurk in some odd corners !

"Where Craft, Commerce, Charity, Culture you aid,

What need for striving inquiry to muzzle ?
But are you quite sure no duties unpaid

Are giyen to the joys of glare and guzzle ?
I 've heard of feeds—but verbum sat.,

Do you plead a per contra f You've done your best?
Then put it to proof. No escape from that.

The public trust waits the public test.

"Better meet the friends you call foes half way,

Ere the cry you gird at waxes louder.
Gird loins for the duties of to-day,

Proud as you are, you may then be prouder.
Great Gresham & Co., to whom you'd appeal,

Send the word, ' Still forward!' across the border:—
Guide you, as they guided, the City's_ weal,

Light ne'er comes amiss to a house in order.

Street Song, as amended for Constantinople.
Uncle, make room for your Tommy."

for the Derby will continue one of the many points in which the
House of Commons represents the lower propensities of the country.)

Mr. Power declared that if any Irish Member dared to oppose the
adjournment, he would cut him—an awful contingency!—and that
if Ireland had her native Parliament, on Palace Green, it would
adjourn over every Derby Day in the year.

Finally, the House declared it did want to go to the Derby by 118
to 207. Sir Wilfrid's minority is on the rise.

A long discussion on the case of a Sub-Inspector of Irish Consta-
bulary dismissed in 1867. Sir M. H. Beach promised to look into
the case. There is some "justice for Ireland," after all.

Mr. Trevelyan, in a House of not much over a dozen, moved two
Evolutions: one for Equalisation of the Borough and County Fran-
chise ; the other for Redistribution, with a view to more complete
representation of the electoral body. His reasons for, were better
than Mr. Lowe's against; and Mr. Bright backed him up in the
best speech he has made this Session.

Mr. Disraeli rode off on Redistribution, and the House (which
had filled for division and to hear Bright) followed him, throwing
out the first Resolution by 264 to 165, and the mover withdrawing
the second. Quidplura? Time will be : Time is not now.

Thursday (Lords).—The Lord Chancellor introduced his Bank-
ruptcy Bill. The old Act, in handing over arrangements in Bank-
ruptcy to creditors, had too often handed over bankrupt estates to
the trustees. The new Bill will empower creditors to appoint com-
mittees of inspection, who will nominate the trustee and look after
him; and estates won't be allowed more than two years for liquida-
tion. After that they must be banded over to the Court. As it is,
they are left in trustees' hands till they get liquidated in the original
sense of melting away altogether.

(Commons.)—On Commons. Cross held his own against all
amenders.

Cross introduced his Prisons Bill—to put our gaols on a more
uniform footing as regards diet, discipline, and cost; and to that

end empowering Government to take into its own hands the whole
cost, control, and management of prisoners from the date of their
committals. This, it was calculated, would save £392,000 to Local
Rates, if it added £285,000 to Imperial expenditure. A balance of
some hundred thousand to the good ; to say nothing of the improve-
ment in prison discipline and administration. Bravo, Cross !
Another point scored to your credit.

Oxford Soothing Syrup.

(For Quieting noisy ' Varsity Babies. From the New University Receipt

Book.)

To every score of noisy Undergraduates add half a dozen prettily-
behaved young Ladies—should be well dressed. Mix well together,
and serve at next Commemoration.

Those Evening Belles.

" The Bells have grown old," Mr. Irving repined.

" Don't ' ring in' with their old drawing force."
" Then the Belles," said Miss Bateman, " must, after their kind,

Have to Stratagem speedy recourse."

Eight Again!

Kisber won the Derby. Thus prophesied Punch .—
" Mineral Colt, of wealth be mine."

Explanation is unnecessary for those who know, and on those who
don't would be thrown away.

The Hospital for Lady-Students to enter at.—The Middle-sex.