Punch (74.1878)

Mat 11, 1878.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 209

But we were near a paling that bordered an uncovered space,
leading into the Salle des Fetes, along which the procession, such as
it was, passed.

Being pretty well up in the uniforms, I was able to point out, to
my aunt and the Bevy, the top of the Marshal's cocked hat (it
was all that could possibly be seen), as it moved along, followed by
the tip of an ostrich feather—whereat myself, my aunt, and the
Bevy shouted out " Vive Le Prince des Galles ! " (Live the Prince
of the Gals!) and we hope it was,—the spike of a helmet, the some-
thing red (I forget its name), that hangs out of a Hussar's head-
dress, also something that looked Chinese, and then a lot of tips
and tops of cocked hats. Then came a crowd which we heard but
couldn't see, and then, wet, tired, fatigued, we walked back to
our hotel, where the prices have gone up fearfully. Eighty-seven
francs for an entresol (attic, so called from being between the sun
and the top floor) at the top of the house.* Twenty francs a head
for table d'hote (Table of Landlord), without wine.
I mention these prices to you, Sir, as in duty bound.\
And now, Sir, I conclude for to-day. All France shall ring with
the insult offered by ignorant useless officials to

Your Special Representative.

P.S.—By the way, Sir, through a hole in that paling I fancy I
saw a gentleman in a uniform walking with some distinguished
foreigners, whose face I recognised as that of Somebody who used to
pass himself off as Your Representative. If this is so, shall I expose
him ?

Letter from Correspondent Number Tivo.

Hotel des Grands Creoes, May 1, 1878.

Dear Sir,

Hardly two minutes just to dash off a line. Opening of
Exhibition : Big Success !! First-rate!! I was there. On the plat-
form with the Marshal and the Marchioness. How did I get there ?
Tell you in two twos. I had no ticket. Hadn't time to interview
the Marshal, though as an old friend he'd have been charmed, &c.
Well, in next room to me in my hotel is the Grand Duke Friedrich-
shalle von Seidlitz. Good old. chap, rather an invalid. No end
of a swell. Lazy fellow he is, however, and gets up, as he goes to
bed, late.

The Grand Duke's tailor made a mistake in the rooms (we have to
crowd anyhow here), and placed his Serene Transparency's uniform
on my chair. Could the temptation be resisted ? No! The Duke was
very uncertain of going, as his health is queer. I settled it. The
uniform fitted me to^ a T. Down-stairs I went, in a cloak. At the
door stood the carriage and servants,—all hired for the day and
strangers, who knew not Joseph—I mean the real Joseph in bed,—
but who bowed to the imitation (myself), and amid the cheers of the
populace, I drove off.

There was no difficulty in getting to the Exposition, or into the
Marshal's box._ The police are so civil and intelligent, and every-
thing is done in France in such perfect order. When I met the
Marshal he exclaimed, "Hallo ! mon vieux! " but I tipped him the
din d'ceil, and "mum," was the word, though it wasn't Mumrn but
Pommery was the word when we had cakes and champagne at the
buffet. Everything was brilliant! All couleur de rose. Everybody
glad to see me, when I appeared as Chief Exhibitor, exhibiting myself
to the admiring crowd. Vive La France ! Vive Le Marechal! Vive
Le Prince, &o,, &c.

Yours in haste, and more to follow,

Your own Private and Specially Appointed Representative.

P.S.—Prices up everywhere. Enormous: and an extra cheque
will be required to square his Serene Transparency, who stayed in
bed all day, swearing, and throwing things at his confidential Valet,
who did not dare leave the Duke's room. I think the Grand Duke
will take 45//*. 50 c, for the use of his clothes for one day only. I
believe he would sell them for another five francs down, as he
hasn't paid the tailor. Send cheque.|

* Entresols are not at the top of a house. His derivation is clearly wrocg.
There must be some mistake. But our esteemed Correspondent is evidently
very much upset.—Ed.

f Why "as in duty hound?" "We didn't commission our friend to go.
We regret his expenses, but we do not defray them.—Ed.

% With these details of prices we have nothing to do, though we give them
publicity as interesting to the public.—Ed.

A Query.

Tod-leben."—Death-Life ! Startling name !
Was't to wake death to life they came'?
Or was it, with their Northern breath,
To freeze the flood of life to death ?
Until the answer history gives,
In " Death-Life "'s name the question lives.

A LORD MAYOR ON DESERTION.

Alderman Latjrie once gained a
reputation by his announcement
that he meant to "put down
suicide." The Lord Mayor seems
determined to make a reputation by
a different treatment of the same
subject—in connection with deser-
tion by husbands and destitution of
young wives. He considers that
girls who contract early marriages
are only rightly served if their
husbands desert them, thereby driv-
ing .them first to destitution and
then to suicide.

A girl was lately brought before
his Lordship "charged with at-
tempting to commit suicide on
London Bridge."

" It appeared from the evidence of a City Constable that at a late hour at
night his attention was called to the prisoner by a gentleman. She was about
to jump into the river, when he caught hold of her. She told him that she
had no home, and that distress of mind had made her resolve to destroy her-
self.—The Lokd Mayor asked the prisoner if she was a married woman, and
she replied that she was.—The Lord Mayor : How old are you ?—Prisoner :
Twenty-one.—The Lord Mayor : And how long have you been married ?—
Prisoner: Five years. I was married to a soldier when I was sixteen, and
my husband has deserted me and left me destitute.—Lord Mayor : And
served you right for getting married so young."

Considering that girls are legally marriageable at sixteen, this
seems rather hard lines. The Lord Mayor's authority might be
pleaded by military husbands with a turn for desertion—a large
class nowadays. At the same time we are glad to see that the
Lord Mayor did not remit the young woman to the tender mercies
of the Thames, but allowed her to be taken away by her mother, a
respectable looking woman, who did not seem to be inclined to pass
on her daughter the Lord Mayor's verdict of " Sarve her right! "

AN EXCELLENT AUTHORITY.

A "well informed" Russian paper having the other day
acquainted its readers with the fact that the British Highland
regiments were composed of half-clad savages, whose wild language
their own officers could not understand, and whose native ferocity
admitted only of their being employed in the very last extremity of
national necessity, as " the Bashi-Bazouks of the Empire," it may,
perhaps, be agreeable to those to whom, just now, such sort of state-
ments afford pleasing and instructive reading, to meet with a little
more authentic information of the same kind.

For the benefit, therefore, of those at St. Petersburg, who are not
yet "well informed," and as the set-off to equally authentic infor-
mation about Russia and her notables, now in general circulation
amongst us, it cannot be too speedily known—

That the London Police wear cocked hats, are armed with rapiers,
and are recruited from the younger eons of noble families.

That Colonel Henderson is a terrible thin old man, with an iron
grey eye, who has sent many a beautiful Duchess to Botany Bay.

That the Prince of Teck is the hereditary Colonel of the Tooting
Regiment of Guards, and has been known, when irritated at the
absence of a button on parade, to kick and cuff his Major.

That the Earl of Beaconsfield said at a recent whiskey party at
the Mansion House, "I've got the Queen with me; and I've got
the Country : Give me my own way for fifteen years, and I'll bring
the Cromwell Road as far as Baden-Baden."

That Mr. Gladstone in private life habitually wears the uniform
of an Honorary Half-pay Admiral of the "Moscow Maritime
League," and may be seen, any hour after seven in the evening, on
his balcony in Harley Street, eating caviare from a soup-plate and
nodding familiarly to his supporters.

That the whole of English Society, from the highest functionary
of State downwards, is honeycombed with the principles of a deadly
subversive revolution; and that it is this terrible condition_ of
things which obliged Lord Salisbury to direct public attention
suddenly to the Treaty of San Stefano.

That in the event of a foreign war, the Isle of Wight will demand
Federation with the South American Republics.

That the knout is still used by Sir J. T. Ingham, as Chief Metro-
politan Magistrate.

That Mr. Punch is a most pronounced Jingo.

Perhaps, the imperfectly-informed will be satisfied with the above
for the present.

Paying in Kind.—What his country has given Kerle, The
Christian Ear.