Punch (77.1879)

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 12, 1879.

Mr. Vivian praised Welsh Wales and the Welsh Welsh, and
spoke up like a stout Cymry for all things Cymric, language,
character, orderliness in peace, gallantry in war.

Mr. Gladstone said the Welsh Members had a right to what they
asked for. The difficulty is to say exactly what they do ask for—a
subsidy for their own local Aberystwith College ; a new University,
more College Endowments at Oxford ?

After Wales had urged its claims by the Cymric mouths of
Messrs. Morgan and Lloyd, Lord G. Hamilton recommended
Wales to wait and agree as to what it wanted.

Mr. Vivian said he would press his Motion.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer said he had better not.

But he did, and was defeated by nearly two to one :—

" Taffy is a Welshman, 'tis Taffy's greatest grief,
That though he loveth learning, as John Bull loveth beef,
John won't spend on Taffy's teaching half what John spends on his own;
And, for books when Taffy hungers, John denies him e'en a bone ! "

Wednesday.—Mr. Sullivan, amidst wonderful unanimity, got a
Second Reading of his Bill for prohibiting the sale of spirits before
they had been a year in bond. Twelve months, it is said, will charm
the especially diabolic element, the fusel oil, out of the spirits. If
so, all spirit-drinkers should wish well to this Bill.

Sir Wilfrid Lawson supported the Bill, as a step in the right
direction. Only for " one " year he would have liked to read "a
hundred"—would fain, indeed, have the evil spirits kept in bond
for ever!

The Landlord and Tenant Bill for extending the presumption of
Ulster Tenant Right all over Ireland, and generally giving a lift
to the Tenant and a taking down to the Landlord wherever possible,
was sharply criticised by Mr. Gregory from the English family
solicitor's point of view, defended by Mr. Law on the ground of jus-
tice, and talked out by Mr. Goldney and the Irish Attorney-General
between them.

Thursday {Lords).—In answer to Lord Granville the Lord
Chancellor said the Government intentions as to Irish University
Education were bounded '' by the Bill, the whole Bill, and nothing
but the Bill" he had just introduced.

Lord Beaconsfield assured Lord Oranmore that Government
didn't mean to foist in any Endowment Clauses. If Lord 0. or his
friends thought proper to do so, they might rely on respectful con-
sideration. What the Irish Members complain of is that there is no
consideration for supporting the Bill—no consideration, i.e., in
L. S. D., which is what they want.

It is news even to Punch, as he hereby confesses, that the many-
sided activity of South Kensington embraces examinations in
Agriculture, as well as in Cookery—examinations which have been
passed by above two thousand successful candidates ; more than two-
thirds of them Scotch and Irish ; that there is a class of fifty teachers,
whose expenses at South Kensington are now being paid, that they
may attend a course of lectures on the principles of Agricidture.
Teaching the principles of Agriculture anywhere except at the
plough-tail! What would our grandfathers have said!

Commons.—Mr. Anderson extracted a nice little confession from
Mr. W. II. Smith about 1200 tons of Dutch hay which the Govern-
ment bought at £5 15s. per ton, kept till it was spoiled, and then
sold at 34s. a ton. How would Mr. Smith like to do business on that
system ?

Committee on Army Discipline Bill. Mr. Parnell again in his
favourite role of Amender-General—Mr. O'Donnell seconding.

Mr. Callan, while on punishments, described certain Cats he had
seen at the Admiralty—one a Sea-Cat—of a very objectionable nature.

Mr. Parnell referring to the "Marine Cat," Mr. Smith said
there was no Marine Cat distinct from the ordinary Sea-Cat. What
was sauce for Jack was sauce for Jolly. Up jumped Mr. Callan,
and declared that neither First Land Lord nor First Sea Lord knew
anything about Sea-Cats. He had discovered the Marine Cat, but the
Sea-Cat was still hid away in the Admiralty bag, and nothing
would draw it. " The First Lord was bound to produce the Sea-
Cat ; and unless he had the decency to do so, he hoped they would
go on dividing."

_ Here came a diversion. Mr. Biggar, being pulled up on an allu-
sion to " honourable or dishonourable gentlemen," said he had said
" Gentlemen," not " Members."

After this little discussion the House returned to the chace of the
Sea-Cat. Was there a Sea-Cat conformable to sealed pattern, or was
there not ? This raised a tremendous row. Enough to worry even
a Sea-Cat out of its nine lives, if not its nine tails.

Mr. O'Connor Power said it should, be a case of "produce the
Cat, or stop the Bill."

Mr. O'Donnell believed 500,000 Londoners would assemble in
Hyde Park, to demand the production of the Cat.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer moved to take down some-
thing—whether Mr. Power's threat or Mr. O'Donnell's was not
clear, and did not get settled in the confused squabble which was
kept up till the House reported progress.

Punch is sorry it cannot report its own progress in good sense,
good temper, and good behaviour.

Friday [Lords).—King Cetewayo and Mr. Leonard Edmunds
divided the Sitting between them.

{Commons.)—The old fight, which old men had flattered them-
selves was fought out thirty years ago, is to be begun again. The
books of the Anti-Corn-Law League are going to be overhauled;
Adam Smith may shake in his shoes; the bones of Codden may
stir in his grave. Protection, by its Chaplin, prays for a Royal
Commission to inquire into the causes of Agricultural Depression,
and how far they have been caused or can be remedied by Legisla-
tion. It is a foregone conclusion of several of the most prominent of
last night's speakers—the mover, Mr. McLver, and Mr. Bentinck—
that the Legislature can and ought to intervene for the good of the
land—in other terms, of the landlord. All other interests but his
can easily adjust themselves to altered circumstances. But if rents
are to be kept up, consumers must put their hands in their pockets.
Other not less prominent of last night's orators, as Mr. Brassey, the
O'Donoghue, Mr. Bright, and Lord Hartington, are equally
satisfied that Legislation can do nothing for Agriculture except
stand clear of it; that the depressed state of it is due to natural
causes, and that it must look to natural laws for remedy.

Punch stands apart, judicially-minded, but, as at present ad-
vised, a confirmed and convinced Free-Trader. Believing that two
and two make four ; that nobody gives anybody anything for
nothing; that a busy and hungry country like England cannot be
the worse for the superabundance of beef and bread produced in
America, while she has the wherewithal to exchange for it; that
Free Trade in this country, irrespective of others, has done, and is
doing its best to help the exchange of what we make for what other
countries grow; and that the man who fights and works with both
arms free, has an advantage over him who does both with one arm
tied behind him, Punch does not as yet see his way to any other
conclusion than that which he arrived at thirty years ago, that Free
Trade is the best thing for free countries and free men, and that
if other countries do not recognise the truth of this, this is no reason
England should not.

It is curious to see all the old fallacies, the brains of which Punch
thought had been knocked out when he was a youngster, coming up
again as lively as ever. Time was that " when the brains were out,
the man would die." It has not been so evidently with the British
Protectionist. Let Lesser Ben rat. Big Ben's motto is, "As you
were! "

WHAT WILL HE DO WITH IT?

Will he send it as loan exhibition to the South Kensington
Museum ?

Will he see if he can get Mr. Gladstone to accept it r1

Will he let it out, at per night (for the benefit of the " workmg-
man") to the Fairy Queen in the next Covent Garden Pantomime,
as the feature of an appropriate topical song ? .

Will he (at a family gathering) consult any of his uncles as to its
value ? ,

Will he try to dispose of it, at an advance if he can, at a reduc-
tion if he must, as a crown to the Prince of Bulgaria ?

Will he (always for the benefit of the " working-man ") raffle it
by means of an Art-Union of 1000 lots at 10s. a lot t