Punch (77.1879)

July 26, 1879.J

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEL

33

SIGHTS FOR THE SEASON.

kates in the iron-
mongers' shop-
windows.

Ladies going
about in furs
and waterproof
garments.

Soup - kitchens
open in Leicester
Square, and other
centres of poorly
populated dis-
tricts.

Letters in the
newspapers re-
commending len-
tils as nutritious
and palatable
articles of food;
with directions
for dressing
them.

Appeals from
correspondents on
behalf. of hos-
pitals, asylums,
and benevolent
societies.
Almanacs.
Flights of field-
fares and red-
wings.

Codfish 'and
oysters.

Festoons of larks at the Poulterers' and Fishmongers'.
Pantomimes produced at the principal theatres.

Holly and mistletoe. Roast beef, turkey, plum-pudding, and mince-pie.
Hunt the Slipper. Blindman's-Buff. Snapdragon.

The Compliments of the Season. Midsummer Cards, Many Happy New
Years.

THE RESCUE OF BURNHAM BEECHES.

Burnham Beeches' preservation

Let us all, good people, sing ;
Praise to London's Corporation :

Glory to the City King !

They already Epping Forest
From the Philistine had saved,

To their power when need was sorest,
Scheming builders in had caved.

Tree and bush, 'gainst bricks and mortar,
Still, thank Grog! shall hold their own,

In their leafy woodland quarter
Birds still build their nests alone.

Dryads, wood-nymphs, elves, and fairies,

Oberon, Titania, Puck,
Powers whose charge the wild wood's care is,

Send the Common Council luck !

Round the Mace twine wreaths of myrtle,

Aldermen with ivy crown,
With a blessing may their turtle,

Thick and clear, alike, go down!

They have saved from desecration

Lovely wild and forest fair.
Be perpetual, Corporation!

Live for ever, my Lord Mayor !

proverbial acuteness.

"Drought never bred dearth in England," says one
old English proverb. "It never rained flour in Eng-
land," avers another. Of these two opposite saws one is
probably quite as sharp as the other.

Curious Naturae Phenomenon {during the late Eton
and Harroiv Match).—A Gosling producing two Duck's
Eggs!

THE VOLUNTEER BODY, AND THE REGULAR

SKELETON.

"Very fair shooting indeed," observed H.R..H. the Duke, as he
lounged into the garden outside the Cottage at Wimbledon.

"Fair. Hm—yes—perhaps we may say 'Fair,'" returned the
real Commander-in-Chief of the British Army, who makes it a rule
never to be too enthusiastic.

" Come, we have had a few intervals of fine weather," continued
H.R.H., lifting his jovial beak out of a goblet of champagne-cup,
"and so we can afford to be charitable. Not so many centres as
usual, but, taken all round, the practice has been decidedly
respectable."

' Hum!" grumbled the Field-Marshal. "There is one practice
I think abominable. Look at those idiotic displays of furniture and
jim-cracks—ugh! fitter for girls' boudoirs than soldiers' tents! "
And the warrior scowled in the direction of certain tents furnished
in an unduly luxurious fashion.

"Yes, I wish they would make up their minds to rough it a little
more thoroughly," assented H.R.H. " I fear that Woolwich is not
the only place for self-indulgence. But, for all that, the Volunteers
are not half a bad lot."

" In these hard days we want them to be more than half good,"
grumbled F.-M. Punch. "Anyway, I daresay my branch of the
service will compare with yours—eh ? "

H.R.H. seemed anything but at his ease. At this broad hint he
observed—

" After the Committee has done sitting, let us hope we shall get
things to-rights a little. And that reminds me that I have an
inspection. I am sure you will excuse me. The gallant Onety-
Oneth will be waiting."

" You will stay where you are, Sir! " said F.-M. Punch, who can
be determined when he pleases. " The Onety-Oneth are old friends
of mine, and I mean to inspect them myself. You may follow me at
a distance if you please. I trust I shall find the regiment in a satis-
factory condition."

"Anyway, Sir, it won't be my fault," shouted H.R.H. nervously,
as F.-M. Punch, setting spurs to his horse, cantered off.

Half an hour's ride carried the Head of the Army to the barrack-
square of the Onety-Oneth. The officers were drawn up in full
uniform to receive the Inspector.

" Come to look at you myself," was F.-M. Punch's curt explana-
tion to the Colonel.

" Delighted to see you, Field-Marshal," said the Colonel, with a
military salute. "I only wish there were more of us to look at."

" The more reason for making the most of you," replied Punch,
cheerily. " And now, Sir, what have you to show me ? "

"Well, Sir, there 's the regimental band—one of the strongest in
the Service. Nearly forty, all told."

" Yery good," observed Punch, "but you can't drive off the
enemy with a band of music—unless you are a Highland Regiment
with bagpipes for your offensive weapons. What have you besides
the band?"

Well, here we are ourselves—about thirty commissioned officers,
backed up by as many non-coms."

"But we want something more than that," growled Punch.
" Go on."

"Well, we have fifty medically unfit or in hospital, and the
officers' servants and batsmen come to almost as many more."

" Conf ound;it, Sir," interrupted the F.-M., impatiently, "what's
the use of them in the face of an enemy. Have you nothing more to
show me ? "

The Colonel looked very blank as he retired to consult with his
officers. At last his face brightened as he advanced, and, with a
cheerier tone, exclaimed—

"Sir, I am happy to say we have something more to show you.
Here, you! bring him up to be inspected."

A number of Sergeants hurried away, and returned escorting a
small boy in a uniform evidently many sizes too large for him.

"Who is this ? " asked the F.-M., in astonishment.

" This is the great curiosity of the regiment, Sir—the Private ! "

"Dear me ! " exclaimed H.R.H., who had now joined the group.
" How is it that I did not see him when I inspected you a week ago ?"

"The fact is, we only recruited him yesterday, Your Royal
Highness."

" Come," said Punch, " We had better return to Wimbledon—the
Association Camp is a pleasanter sight than this."

"Please, Sir, it isn't my fault," again urged H.R.H.

"Never said it was," returned Punch. And, being in a bad
temper, he said no more.

But if John Bull is as silent, he will prove himself more patient
than Punch believes him to be. Verb. sap.