Punch (77.1879)

LONDON CHARIVAEL 35

CRANBROOK TO HIS COUNTRYMEN.

They tell me the Liberal Party

To tarn out the Tories will seek;
That the Rads mean to rally round Haety,

And oust us. I like their cool cheek!
But I trust that in manner explicit

You '11 tell the low cads it's no go.
When your smiles and your votes they solicit,

My Countrymen, promptly say, " No!"

Poor Haety can sway them no longer ;

By sub-gangway shouters he's led ;
The tail one can see is the stronger,

And soon will be waggling the head.
Ws hold it in check for the present,

But once we are forced to let go,
The results will be deuced unpleasant.

So, my Countrymen, stoutly say " No! "

Shun the Rads and their arts of seduction!

Just give them a hand on the helm,
They will steer the State-ship to destruction,

And rapidly ruin the realm.
Shall they tempt you to turn out us Tories ?

Undo our best work at a blow ?
Shall they tarnish our newly-gilt glories ?

My Countrymen, sternly say " No !''

Trust them not! When they'd lead you to ruin,

And snub tbe long-suffering Turk,
When they'd bow to that base Northern Bruin,

And duties imperial shirk.
Bid you cripple the Army and Navy—

And then, just to keep taxes low,
Make John Bull to his foes cry "peccavi"—
My Countrymen, bravely say " No ! "

Will you change the land-laws of the nation,

And lay wicked hands on the Church ?—
Though they hide it with round-aboutation,

That purpose you '11 spy if you search.
Will you see our dear Mother abolished ?

The last feudal barriers laid low;
All the true Tory strongholds demolished ?
My Countrymen, firmly say " No! "

Turn a deaf ear to Liberal storming !

ISIor listen when Radicals rave !
Don't trust to their talk of reforming!
Don't calculate what they woxdd save!

ARTISTIC AMENITIES. ^V^ofltS^f7

Bellamy Brown (]rictor ignotus) on a Picture by Rigby Robinson. " Quite a Poem ! And when they'd swop Beaky for Haety,

Distinctly pkecious, blessed, subtile, significant, and supreme !" My Countrymen, loudly say " No!"

Jordan Jones (to whom a Picture by R. Robinson is as a red rag to a bull, as B. B.
knows). "Why, hang it, Man, the Drawing's vile, the Colour beastly,

the Composition idiotic, and the Subject absurd!" consistency in the cojmons

Bellamy Brown. "Ah, ail works of the highest Genius have faults of Although both Liberals and Conservatives should

that description ! " agree to abolish flogging in the Army and Navy, they

Jordan Jones. "Have they? I'm glad to hear it, then, for there's will still, it is supposed, retain their respective Whips.

a chance for 70v, Old Man!" Nobody has yet moved to abolish them.

butchers are offered special facilities for keeping their "joint ac-
counts." The Governor of the Bank has the power of punishing
refractory persons by placing them in the stocks. Visitors, anxious
to pick up something worth having, should look in at the Bank on
"Transfer Days," when all the money changes hands all round—
the clerks take different seats for luck, what was in A.'s name is
transferred to B.'s, and what was in B.'s to C.'s, and so backwards
and forwards all day, the clerks casting up their ledgers and
account-books, and catching them again, or catching somebody
else's. It is, indeed, a lively scene, and well calculated to excite
the admiration of even the resident Londoner.

On the first night of a new moon, all the officials turn their money.
The Governor of the Bank is, however, necessarily a poor man, as,
though surrounded by coins of all sorts, he, as a loyal servant of
Her Majesty's Government, has only One Sovereign, which has to
last him, and remain unchanged for years.

On " Bank Holidays " the building, and everything in it, is open
to everyone. Games go on from ten to four, and are mostly played
with official counters. On these occasions the clerks wear suits of
dittos, composed entirely of cheques. Go into the bank and take
notes. By signing your name at the back of a note you constitute

yourself a partner in the concern, and are at once entitled to a share of
the profits, or three thousand a year for life. There is one peculiar
department where all complainants are taken to—this is called " the
Bullyin' Office." Here the unfortunate person is bullied, and if he
still insists on making objectionable remarks—about short change
or a bad halfpenny, for example—he is at once accused of falsely
uttering, and placed in the stocks by order of the Governor of the
Bank of England. What subsequently becomes of him is his own
affair, as few ever live to tell the tale ; but it is generally supposed
that he is secretly handed over to the Master of the Mint, at the
Tower, who, when the early lamb season is on, makes him into
sauce, and so he disappears from society, and the best efforts of
his friends and the police are baffled. There are Mysteries [of
London—Reynolds' Miscellany is probably still one of them;>nd
the ultimate fate of a Bank Annuitant (that is, a prisoner in. the
strongholds of the banks for years) has still to be unravelled.

BANKRUPTCY COURT.—Full Court suit requisite, in order to
be presented at this Court. Your ordinary tailor will provide the
suit, but it will be absolutely necessary to obtain guarantees as to
your qualifications for the rank of a Chevalier de la premiere classe
from several respectable tradesmen, to whom you will be consider-