Punch (77.1879)

November 1, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL 197

THE LORD MAYOR'S SHOW BY ANTICIPATION.

Punch having heard that the Lord Mayor's Procession this year
was to have many original features, has interviewed that mysterious
functionary the Clerk of the Hanaper, and is now able to furnish
the following programme, which may safely be accepted as that
" Darling's correct card," and no mistake.

Four Policemen, three abreast.
The Band of the City Fire Brigade (each man playing on his own hose).
Alderman Nottage proving a negative.
The Commissioners of Sewers taking a drain—
the Chairman as Cloacinus Maximus.
Sir W. Armstrong, with the Woolwich Infant, singing,
"Hush thee, my Baby ! "
The Company of Salters, led by the Shades of Tate and Brady.
The Lord Nose-who looking for the Lord Nose-what.
The Company of Cricketers, led by the Three Graces, singing catches.
The Band of the Company playing selections from " TJn Ballot
One Policeman, arm-in-arm.
Alderman White and Deputy Grey in Court Costume.
The London Rueful Brigade led by the Band of the Blues.
The most Designing Person in the Corporation, the City Architect.
Mrs. Jones with the latest edition of Horace.
The Company of Accountants and Liquidators, as figwantes,
Dancing to their favourite instrument, the loot,
Led by Deputy Waddell, from Alderman's Walk.
Alderman Stone doing a gin-sling.
All the little Stones, looking very glad Stones.
The Company of Barber-Surgeons, with a mixed Band
of Medical, Surgical, and Optical instruments.
The Civic Merry-Andrew and his pocket-companion, Joseph Miller,
Cracking old jokes and debasing the moral currency.
The Company of Spectacle-Makers distributing isinglass.

The H.A.C. Mounted Volunteers—
With their Band playing " Let me like a Soldier fall"
Alderman Rose—born to blush unseen, but never saw it.
The Company of Dyers, led by Ex-Sheriff Brooke as Duke of Magenta.
His banner bearing the device, "Ain't I fat upon Aniline?"
Two Middlesex Artillerymen forming hollow square.
Professors Tyndall, Darwin, and Huxley, singing
" Oh dear, what can the matter be f "
The Company of Fishmongers, marching to their cast-o'-nets.
Three Policemen in double column.
The Company of Wheelwrights, their offspring turning coachwheels.
The Corn Meters, the Coal Meters, the Gas Meters,
The Toxophi-lights, Electric-lights, and other luminaries.
The Company of Brewers, singing a Bass Chorus, accompanied by
One Hundred Barrel Organs.
A detachment of one Militia Officer, with great command over himself.
Messrs. Parnell, Biggar, and O'Connor Power, chanting
" The Three Chafers:1
The Great City Marshal.
The Small City Marshal, as Spurious Horatius, singing
the cocky Common Councilman of Far ring don Without /"
The Common Crier cachinnating.
Pages from the Chapter of St. Paul's.
A Company of City Horse Marines (limited).
Ex-Lord Mayor Whetham gliding into oblivion,
Preceded by his Wet-Blanket.
That imposing Body of men the Deputy Lieutenants of the City,
In full military fig, performing involuntary sword-dances.
Tract Turnerelli,
On a White Elephant, in pink fleshings, wearing The Wreath,
And singing, " Oh.' dear, what shall I do with it t "
The Lord of Burleigh quoting Dogberry.
Farmers' Wives and Daughters writing him down accordingly.
The Poetical Remains of Alderman Cotton.
The Company of Merchant Tailors, led by Mr. Trueeit.
Sir John Bennett,
Intoning "My Grandfather^s Clock," and putting agood face uponit.
The City Coroner, singing " Gin a body meet a body."
The great Sir Martin Tupper Carden as King Solomon.
Escorted by his admirers, the Constituency of Bridge Ward Without.
The Right Hon. the Lord Mayor,
Sir FRANCIS TRUSCOTT,

Combining the light of an Owden with the sweetness of a Whetham.

Elected by some two hundred persons in Dowgate,
To shine for one year in the borrowed light of three and a half millions.
Banners of the City Arms. _ Banners of the City Legs,
Banners of the City Corporation.
All the German and Brass Bands from within the Twenty-mile

Radius.

A SONG OF " SALUTLAND."

Air—" Kenn'st du das Land ? "

Know'st thou that land where food is Nature's boon
To them that use nor knife nor fork nor spoon—
" Terra salutis "—Land we'd fain salute,
Where butcher-meat is dropped for herbs and fruit ?

Know'st thou that land ? Go there ! Go there !
And live a hundred years on that mild fare.

Know'st thou that land, content with water clear,
Whose people drink no spirits, wine, nor beer;
Tobacco neither smoke, nor snuff, nor chew,
So ne'er with nicotine their blood imbue ?

Know'st thou that land ? Go there! Go there!
And live a hundred years as those folk fare.

Know'st thou that land whose population browse
Aloft, among the glad green of the boughs ;
Land of banana, palm, and bread-fruit tree,
Where Soko swings and climbs the Chimpanzee ?

Know'st thou that land ? Go there ! Go there !
And live on Chimpanzee's and Soko's fare.

Know'st thou that land where minor monkeys hang
Hard by their long-armed lord, Orang-outang,
From twigs depending by prehensile tails,
Whilst them the cocoa-nut with milk regales ?

Know'st thou that land ? Go there ! Go there !
And live a hundred years on apish fare.

Know'st thou that land ? Do there as there they do,
Teetotaller and Vegetarian too,
Thou and thy children, brood succeeding brood,
Subsist on those our poor relations' food.

Know'st thou that land ? Go there! Go there!
And try high thinking on low living there.

Know'st thou that land ? Think there what change might be
Wrought by ape-diet on thy posterity—
Developed, in their intellects and shapes,
Back to anthropoid and ancestral apes.

Know'st thou that land ? Go there ! Go there!
And centenarian prog with Simians share.

custodire cttstodes.

What Sir Garnet will want to keep the Transvaal quiet: —a Pre-
torian Guard. But that will be according to Imperial Precedent.