Punch (77.1879)

November 29, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

245

as representing fat old bucks, and one Bishop is, ex officio, a member,
i.e., tl Oxon." The visitor should ask to see the celebrated Sheep-
shanks' Collection. When sitting in the window, the members look
a little sheepish, on being caught casting sheep's eyes at the pretty
girls as they pass. On the bookshelves are But/wee,'s novel, Eugene
A-ram, A Black Sheep, Lamb's Tales, bound in calf, and several
volumes of the Use of the Ram in Naval Warfare, and the History
of Coices in the Isle of Wight. Its members are only allowed to
write with sheep pens. The usual beverage in the smoking-room is
oxy-gin. Irish members are eligible if they can show a fair sample
of bulls.

SOANE MUSEUM.—Like any other museum, it's built though
called sewn. It grew with such rapidity that it seemed to have sprung
up in a morning, having been sown on the previous night. _ Hence
the name, The Sown Museum. At least this is one _ derivation.
Another is, that the eminent architect claimed it as his property,
and it being asked in court whose the Museum was, his counsel
replied " His own Museum." There are some beautiful specimens
of the Omnium Gatherum to be seen here.

SOHO BAZAAR.—A Bazaar where they sow hoes—but to what par-
ticular branch of industry this belongs has not been made sufficiently
clear. It may have some connection with the Soane Museum.
We await further information. Inside is a very Soho Bizarre
collection.

SOMERSET HOUSE.—A topsy-turvy sort of place, as the name
implies.

SOUTH KENSINGTON MUSEUM.—Here is the largest loan
collection in London. Any one in want of a loan need only apply
here, and he will be accommodated on easy terms. No questions
asked, except "How will you take it?" And if you can get a
fourpenny-bit the better of them, you have only to make a joke
about the " coign of 'vantage," and they will increase it to eight-
pence on the spot. The Museum is better known as the Cole Mine
of Kensington, and there has never been any doubt as to the value
of the Cole-lection. There is an Art Training School, where the
pupils are brought up on the artfullest principles. In the painting-
room, the Art Students are easel-ly admitted, and copy all the
forms ;they see before them, except the form of admission, to
copy which would be forgery—it being necessary to draw the line
to copy which would be forgery—it being necessary to draw the line
somewhere. No Student can take an old picture away with him on
the plea that he intends to restore it. He will have to restore it
there and then.

STANDARD THEATRE.—As there must always be a standard
of acting by which to judge, here it is. The Standard, however, is
not the Criterion.

STATIONERY OFFICE. — Never moves ; always there from
10 to 4. Well worth seeing, particularly the stores of red tape.

STATUES.—The best time to see the entire collection is during
the Statue Fair, held every year on Old Lady Day—old Lady Day,
when alive, having been a great patroness of Statues, and very kind
to them. For the convenience of visitors to town, the custodians of
the York and Nelson statues will, on receiving two hours' notice,
and a sufficient, though not exorbitant, gratuity, bring these statues
down for inspection.

The Duke of Wellington "can also come off his horse when wanted
to stretch his legs.

There is a statue to the memory of a distinguished foreigner,
Achilles, in Hyde Park, erected by his widow. He was a Creek,
and well known on 'Change.

Queen Anne has a statue in Queen's Square. It is dated Anne-o
something—but the rest is illegible.

The Duke of Bedford in Russell Square has been lately touched
up. He was quite black ; now he is not nearly so black,—as, he is
painted.

Lord Oeorge Bentinck in Cavendish Square. Black with Cavendish
smoke.

Eleanor Cross.' Might be balanced by a statue of Eleanor Good-
tempered.

Fox. Bloomsbury Square. Fox wants the brush.

Jenner in Kensington Gardens. De-jenner-ate Art.

Peabody. Royal Exchange. Might as well be Nobody.

Pitt (William). Hanover Square. Turn the Pitt into a Private
Box, and get rid of it.

York (Duke of). This might be sent to the land of Ham.

But if any more statues are required, why not apply to Dr.
Caevek ? He could " have a shot at it" at all events.

In Anticipation of February 14

(H.B.M. to the Sultan.)

There 's a Pasha in your service,

A Colonel once in mine :
Own that his the nous and nerve is

THE MODEL SCHOOL-BOARD ELECTOR.

es, of course, he has corresponded at
some length with each of the candidates
—probably sought a personal interview
with them—and ascertained their views
on all the vexed and vexing educa-
tional questions of the day. He has
elicited from them the fullest parti-
culars as to their birth, parentage,
education, moral and mental training,
and especial fitness for the position to
which they aspire.

If there are Lady Candidates, he has
in addition requested them to oblige
him with their photographs, he having
a great reliance on physiognomy as an
index to character, ability, and attain-
ments.

He has spent his holidays in visiting-
schools and other educational institu-
tions in France, Germany, Switzerland,
Holland, Sweden, &c, to enable him
to compare foreign systems with those
pursued in England.
W. At home he has been a constant visitor at all the schools in his
neighbourhood, whether Board or Voluntary, Denominational or
Undenominational, Sectarian or Unsectarian, in order to obtain a
thorough insight into the various methods adopted and their results ;
and to satisfy himself how best economy can be combined with effi-
ciency, and discipline maintained without any compromise of personal
independence or sacrifice of liberty of action.

He has been a regular attendant during the last three years at all
School Board meetings to which he could obtain access, and has
taken down in shorthand full reports of the proceedings, and entered
them, on his return home, in a volume set apart (with an index) for
this particular purpose.

He has made a point of reading all the published accounts of School
Board meetings, educational controversies, Codes, and revised Codes,
and amended Codes, and, especially, from end to end, the Annual
Reports of the Education Department. With all the books, pamphlets,
circulars, and articles on education which have come within his
reach, besides listening to countless addresses, lectures, speeches, and
orations on the subject.

He has seized every opportunity of discussing all the perplexing
educational questions on which there exists a divergence of opinion,
in the family circle, at the social board, in public conveyances, and in
the haunts of business and recreation.

On the day of election the Model Elector rises early, dresses himself
with scrupulous care, takes a turn round the garden before break-
fast with a volume of educational statistics as his companion;
and then partakes of a moderate meal, at which he impresses upon
his family the great importance of the duty he is about to discharge,
and leads the conversation to such improving topics as compul-
sory attendance; cubic space, the diminution of juvenile crime, the
utilisation of rich educational endowments, and the systems of
Pestalozzi and Fbobee.

If he walks to the polling place, he chooses the most quiet and
unfrequented streets he can find, that he may meditate on the
necessity of technical education without interruption or disturb-
ance. If possible, he drops in at a favourite Board School on his
way, that he may avail himself of the very latest opportunity of
studying practical details, and spends a quiet half hour over
suffixes or the greatest common measure.

If he takes a cab, he selects a vehicle whose driver he finds, after
careful examination, holds the same views as himself on the great
question of the day.

Having arrived at the Polling Booth, he records his vote for the
Candidates who in his judgment are most likely to advocate economy
combined with efficiency, and to consult the welfare of the masses
without overtaxing the pockets of the ratepayers; taking especial
care to support the Lady Candidate if her views are (as they are
pretty sure to be) moderate, rational, and enlightened, and, there-
fore, exactly corresponding with his own.

If the Candidates he supports are elected, he testifies his delight
by such little attentions as sending them a copy of his pamphlet on
" National Kindergartens," leaving a card on the Returning
Officer, presenting a splendid bouquet to the Lady whom his active
exertions have helped to a seat at the new School-Board, and, wea-
ther permitting, serenading her at night-fall.

motto—ancient and modern.

" IifPERiUM et Libertas "—that's the motto for you, Brothers,
That fits your Valentine ! I Libertas for yourselves, boys, and Imperium over others !