Punch (77.1879)

December 27, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 297

NEW WORK FOR WOMAN.

porary calls

attention. A Ladies' Society is being founded, which is to devote
its energies to the development of "horticulture, poultry-raising,
dairy-work, bee-keeping," and the like. It is suggested, though
we are not aware that this will figure on the sign, that the Society
may not even draw the line at pigs, and that we may see its Lady
members deep in the mysteries of a different "wash" from that
to which they have hitherto confined themselves, the upshot
whereof will not be clean linen, but streaky bacon and delicately
roseate pork.

Well—did we not read, only the other day, in the memoirs of the
excellent wife and family of our exemplary primate, that Mrs. Tait
was wont to assign to each of her daughters a pig, as her special
charge, to be sold, when fatted, and its price appropriated as the
girl's special gift to her mother's Fulham Orphanage ? "What the
Miss Taits did for charity, the members of the new Society are to
do for profit. _ But as charity begins at home, let it be understood
that these Ladies are only beginning at the beginning, to go further
and fare better, instead of worse.

Mrs. Thorne is announced as the foundress of this new " Ladies'
Associationfor the promotion of horticulture and minor food produc-
tion." It is a supplement, if we should not rather call it an in-
troduction, to the Ladies' School of Cookery. It will help to supply
the meat for which the other excellent Association should aid us to
find cooks. Prosit!

There are diversities of gifts among women as among men. If
some of our sisters follow their natural bent to Girton and the
Tongues and Sciences, others to the Female Medical School in
Henrietta Street and tbe Healing-Art, why should not others, of a
more material turn, find the best field for their energies in " minor
food production " P There is room for them all. Let the minor-food-
producers, with Mrs. Thorne at their head, hoist the petticoat—
as Mahomet is said to have hoisted his wife Kadija's—and write
under it, " In hoc signo vinces ! "

FROM MAY TO DECEMBER.

a tragedy oe contrast.

ACT I.

Scene—An Official Chamber. Time—Eight Months bach. A Far-
Seeing Premier discovered at open window, smiling radiantly at
the little birds in the Spring sunshine. Enter a Sanguine Indian
Secretary.

Sanguine Indian Secretary {holding out telegram). Ah, here you
are ! I've run all the way from the India Office without my hat, to
bring you the joyful news.

Far-Seeing Premier {turning from little birds, still smiling). From
Lytton—ah ! So the savage succumbs ?

_ Sanguine Indian Secretary {with exultation). Yes, the submission
is complete. He's to come to] Gandamak to-morrow, to take any
terms Lytton offers.

Far-Seeing Premier. Excellent! A perfect Spring morning's
surprise, and will quiet the Session like soothing-syrup. The whole
scheme can now be realised imperially.

Sanguine Indian Secretary. Gradual incorporation—eh ?

Far-Seeing Premier. Precisely. Before we finish this campaign,
the standards of the Empress shall be seen floating proudly in the

blue haze that crowns- You haven't got a map of Afghanistan

in your pocket, have you ? What range runs north of Cabul ?

Sanguine Indian Secretary {considering). I don't think it's a
range. I fancy it's a river. Do you know, I don't think there's
anything particular, but I '11 look when I get back to the Office.

Far-Seeing Premier {encouragingly). Do. But don't bother your-
self. A scientific frontier isn't always a physical phenomenon.
Ha;! ha! .{Slaps him, good-naturedly, on the back.) We know
that, don't we? So, wire to Lytton "full powers." Divide et
impera. Anything you like. " Mysterium et potestas"—that is, I
mean, " Imperium et libertas." The good news, a glimpse of sun-
shine, and ,the little birds, have quite for once excited me. Come,
confess it. This Afghanistan card has been the best_ I've played.
Thank your stars that you serve under a far-seeing Chief!

[Takes up his hat.

Sanguine Indian Secretary {taking his arm). I do. Ah, you are
coming to the ofiLce. We '11 look at the map, and wire together

[Exeunt arm-in-arm, in the very best of spirits.

ACT II.

Scene.—Same «s in Act I. Time.— Yesterday.
Far-Seeing Premier discovered, brooding gloomily over a dying fire.
Enter a Sanguine Indian Secretary.

Sanguine Indian Secretary {holding up telegram). Ha! I'm glad
I have found you in. Here, read this. Here's a mouthful!

Far-Seeing Premier {still staring at the fire). What, another of
those beastly messages ? Well—what is it now ?

Sanguine Indian Secretary. Communication cut off. Tribes all
risen like one man, and supports can't move up to reinforce.

Far-Seeing Premier. Hum! goon. What does Lytton say ?

Sanguine Indian Secretary. Oh, there '• a whole lot of it. But
it's all the same. Mulls in every direction. Commissariat broken
down. Gotjgh shut up at Gandamak. Bright hedged in at Jellala-
bad. Here's a bit we can publish. _ " If the tribes do not disperse
themselves on finding they make no impression on Roberts, a strong
force will be puihedup, and re-open communication*."

Far-Seeing Premier {grimly). Send that out to the papers with the
" compliments of the India Office." I hope they '11 like it.

Sanguine Indian Secretary. I hope they will. Talking of rein-
forcements, if this job proves tough-

Far-Seeing Premier {poking out the last embers of the fire with a
dash). They must be poured in.

Sanguine Indian Secretary {dejectedly). Yes, but this mull may
mean another Six Millions.

Far-Seeing Premier {starting up wildly, and waving the poker
over his head). Six millions, or sixty! what do I care ? We
are in for it. Empires are not built up with halfpence. I '11 still
show the world that this Afghanistan card is the best I_'ve played.
If there is one thing on which I pride myself, it is prevision.

Sanguine Indian Secretary, Quite so. But if we mean a campaign
or two, annexation, and the consequences in the shape of budget,
where shall we be, do you think, this time twelvemonth ?

Far-Seeing Premier. In Elysium! {Puts on his hat.) Come along.
We must wire something like a programme to Lttton. {Taking his
arm.) Courage ! and thank your stars you serve under a Far-
Seeing Chief!

Sanguine Indian Secretary {with a sigh). I do ! I do !
[Exeunt arm-in-arm, brushing away a tear as the Curtain falls

CHRISTMAS HINTS EOR CHRISTMAS-BOXES.

Choose a good stock of registered envelopes at the Post-Office,
and enclose in them Bank of England notes to your needy friends
and relations. You can enjoy philanthropy and exercise in combina-
tion by yourself dropping some of these Christmas remembrances (in
plain envelopes) into the letter-boxes of those for whom they are
intended.

Send to the Bank of England or the Royal Mint for a supply of
new half-sovereigns, and treat yourself to the novel sensation of
watching the astonishment and delight on the faces of your accus-
tomed callers on Boxing-Day, when you present them with these
coins in lieu of the long-established sixpence or shilling.

In this distribution do not forget the Waits, the German and other
bands, and the solitary itinerant performers, who have done so much
to spread the knowledge of instrumental music in the street or square
in which you live.

Another unexceptionable variety of the Christmas-Box is to engage
several of the best boxes at the theatres when the pantomimes are at
full speed, and distribute the tickets among those of your acquaint-
ances whose families are largely in excess of their incomes. You
yourself must not fail to secure a stall from which you can observe
the gleeful countenances of your young friends above you.