Punch (86.1884)

iv

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 28, 1884.

Hygeia smiled the smile of placid appreciation. “Don’t think I disparage this Show,” said she, mildly, “ It is
colossal, full of invaluable teaching, and very enjoyable into the bargain. Only, big as it is, it might be supplemented.”

“ Just so,” cried Dr. Punch, emphatically. “ Oh, Hygeia, what nonsense is talked in thy name ! Talked by sensa-
tional savants, popular doctors, and rabid Dress-reformers, as well as by interested advertisers, and bighfaluting guide-book
makers. But I see, Goddess, that, like Liberty, you are wiser than your more wordy worshippers.”

“ That may easily be,” responded Hygeia, quietly.

“This Show, as you say, is superb,” pursued Dr. Punch. “If all have not sound bodies, it is hardly the fault of the
| enthusiastic advocates of hygiene in Food, Dress, and the Dwelling. But as to the mens sana, a modern Juvenal might find
I matter for cutting comment, eh ? ”

“ Who would not wonder if such man there be ?

Who would not smile if Punchius were he ? ” »

‘ said Hygeia, with laughing significance.

“My metier is not precisely Juvenalian,” said the genial Sage. “ But the bauble and baton may do as good work as |
the scalpel. Mens sana ! Ah, my dear Goddess, could you sanitate men's minds, the circle of your devout worshippers
would be indefinitely widened. A prophylactic against Fad, a cure for Cant, a dessicative for Gush, an antiseptic for morbid I
| Art, a PASTEun-specific for political and religious rabies—-these are the desiderata of mental hygiene. Fancy how much
j sweeter life would be without Stage-fever, Art chlorosis, poetic Satyriasis, and Gladstonophobia! ”

“Granted,” sighed Hygeia, wistfully. “But who can minister to a mind diseased?”

I “Nil desperandum! ” replied Dr. Punch, cheerily. “You spoke of a supplement to this gigantic Show ! I fancy

; 1 can furnish such a supplement as you suggest-”

“ Where ? When ? ” interrupted Hygeia, eagerly.

“ Here and now ! ” replied the Fleet Street Thaumaturge, promptly. “ In compact compass, but all-comprehensive !

Its own guide, and requiring no illumination save its own brilliancy ! Advertising nobody, but helping everybody ! Antidote
| to Fad, Cant, Humbug, Puffery, Priggishness, Party Spirit, and all forms of mental disease and debility! Wholesome, spark-
ling, mind-bracing, soul-invigorating ! No, it is not a mineral water nor a farinaceous food ! But it is the healthiest and
most health-imparting thing in the Exhibition—or out of it! Come hither and behold ! ”

And, leading the astonished yet delighted Health-Goddess into the presence of the waiting thousands of his j
enthusiastic worshippers—the Representatives of all Classes and of all Nationalities—the Doctor of Doctors presented to he? j
-—and to them—his !