DOI Heft:
April 19, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0187
April 19, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
181
[Volunteers are to thoroughly search all Farm-Buildings, &c., on the line of march.—General Orders.]
Energetic Volunteer Officer. “Now then, you Sir ! why don’t you Search these
Farm Buildings?”
Jieak
Rupert of Letters! Stilled that fiery
tongue,
As trenchant as the trooper’s steel! And
yet
No passion-dainty Poet ever sung
Whose heart was tenderer. Round the
world regret
Will rise on hearing that distinctive voice
Is mute which gave to Fiction and the
Stage
Virile creations, made the oppressed rejoice,
And vindicated with a noble rage
The master-virtue, Justice, stabbed too oft,
Like CiESAK, by its trusted seeming
friends.
The world, o’er full of twaddlers tame and
soft,
Will miss his leonine style, who roars
and rends
With Samson zest, yet yields from strenuous
might
“ Sweetness ” of Pity and victorious Right.
A CERTAIN CURE.
Patient (to Medical Attendant). What can
you recommend to restore my appetite ?
Practitioner. Some medicine which I will
send you. Go on taking it until you feel
hungry, and in the meanwhile don’t eat
anything whatever.
Intellectual Treat.—Penny Reading
a reading of the barometer.
OUT-OP-PROPORTIONAL REPRESENTATION.
To the Editor of “ Punch.”
Dear Sir,
The question of Cumulative Voting is of so much importance
that I feel sure you will permit me to ventilate it in the columns of
your paper—a paper particularly suitable for such a discussion. Sir
John Lubbock has recently written to one of your contemporaries,
suggesting that when there are five seats and twelve candidates, the
extra votes_should be given to the five, and not the twelve. At least
that is the impression he has left upon my mind. I subjoin an alter-
native scheme.
Say, there are ten Candidates and eight Seats. Let everyone have
as many votes as he pleases (there is nothing like liberality in such a
matter as this), and, allowing a large margin for various idiosyn-
crasies, we can fancy the following result:—
Mr. Gladstone.2,400
Mr. J. L. Toole (representing Mr. Wilson Barrett) . . 18,016
Mr. Spurgeon. 7
Cardinal Manning. 452
Mr. Griffiths (the Safe Man). 29,645
Lord Randolph Churchill (representing himself) . . 1
Mr. Bradshaw (representing the Railway Interests) . . 86
Secretary, General Omnibus Company . . , . . 4,000,000
Mr. Wilson Barrett (representing Mr. Lawrence Barrett) ’ 6
Miss Mary Anderson (representing Lord Coleridge) . 1
Having obtained this result, our course is quite clear. Miss Mary
Anderson (as a foreigner and a Lady), the Secretary of the General
Omnibus Company (as an injudicious selection), and Mr. Griffiths
(because he is a safe man), may be struck out at once. We then
have remaining, Messrs. Gladstone, J. L. Toole, Spurgeon, Wilson
Barrett, Lord Randolph Churchill, and last, but not least,
Cardinal Manning. This will give us seven Candidates for eight
Seats. Clearly some addition will he required. For the sake of
fairness, it would be advisable to add at least five ; say, Mr. John
Hollingshead, Mr. C’omyns Carr. Sir Edward Watkin, Sir Andrew
Clark, and Mr. Val Prinsep. We now submit the amended list to
the next voter, when we need not be surprised if he sends in the
i olio wing returns:—
Emperor of China ) r, , , .
Mr. Tracy Turnerelli \ ®ea<*
The Ghost of Hamlet’s Uncle—Nowhere.
This result should he most satisfactory, as it would argue that it
as iurnished by a lunatic—a member of a highly esteemed class,
for which it is, however, most difficult to obtain adequate representa-
tion. The first and the last of these candidates would be rejected on
account of their disabilities to sit in Parliament. There is no reas m,
however, why the votes given to them should not be added to M t.
Spurgeon’s series. Now, say we give the amended list to a thousand
persons taken hap-hazard, as of course the plan I am advocating is
merely an experiment to see how it works, and not to test the poli-
tical bias of our much-loved country—we should possibly have this
result:—
Mr. Gladstone
. 4,792
Mr. J. L. Toole
29,000,000
Mr. Sfurgeon
. 7
Cardinal Manning .
10
Mr. Bradshaw
8,400,762
Mr. Comyns Carr .
97
Sir E. Watkin
243
Messrs. Hollingshead and Prinsep (coupled)
763
It is obvious that the natural thing to do now would be to reject
Mr. Bradshaw, and take away his votes. Having done this, matters
would he made more ship-shape by every voter thinking of a number,
doubling it, adding seven to it, dividing it by five, and putting the
total thus reached to the credit of his favourite candidate. This, of
course, would be merely a question of figures.
You will notice that I have done my best in the above rough sketch
to meet all possibilities. With the coming Reform Bill no doubt we
shall have quite a new kind of electors, for whose peculiarities wide
allowance must be made. They are given votes, and it is, conse-
quently, of importance that those votes should he properly utilised.
Unless those who possess the franchise are carefully instructed
beforehand, it is not improbable that the tossing of a halfpenny may
decide many a difficult question of choice. And as we cannot reason-
ably expect that every voter will have a profound knowledge of the
higher branches of the Mathematical Science, the simpler the process
of election advocated the better.
And now, Sir, having inaugurated the idea, a,nd suggested a
scheme which seems to me quite as comprehensible as that proposed
by Sir John Lubbock, I leave it to others with more time at their
disposal than I have to develope it.
With sincere respect, yours truly,
Matthew Muddle.
Dog-Latin Indeed.—{By Johnson Junior.)-
Beware of the Cane 1
Cave Canern ! ”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
181
[Volunteers are to thoroughly search all Farm-Buildings, &c., on the line of march.—General Orders.]
Energetic Volunteer Officer. “Now then, you Sir ! why don’t you Search these
Farm Buildings?”
Jieak
Rupert of Letters! Stilled that fiery
tongue,
As trenchant as the trooper’s steel! And
yet
No passion-dainty Poet ever sung
Whose heart was tenderer. Round the
world regret
Will rise on hearing that distinctive voice
Is mute which gave to Fiction and the
Stage
Virile creations, made the oppressed rejoice,
And vindicated with a noble rage
The master-virtue, Justice, stabbed too oft,
Like CiESAK, by its trusted seeming
friends.
The world, o’er full of twaddlers tame and
soft,
Will miss his leonine style, who roars
and rends
With Samson zest, yet yields from strenuous
might
“ Sweetness ” of Pity and victorious Right.
A CERTAIN CURE.
Patient (to Medical Attendant). What can
you recommend to restore my appetite ?
Practitioner. Some medicine which I will
send you. Go on taking it until you feel
hungry, and in the meanwhile don’t eat
anything whatever.
Intellectual Treat.—Penny Reading
a reading of the barometer.
OUT-OP-PROPORTIONAL REPRESENTATION.
To the Editor of “ Punch.”
Dear Sir,
The question of Cumulative Voting is of so much importance
that I feel sure you will permit me to ventilate it in the columns of
your paper—a paper particularly suitable for such a discussion. Sir
John Lubbock has recently written to one of your contemporaries,
suggesting that when there are five seats and twelve candidates, the
extra votes_should be given to the five, and not the twelve. At least
that is the impression he has left upon my mind. I subjoin an alter-
native scheme.
Say, there are ten Candidates and eight Seats. Let everyone have
as many votes as he pleases (there is nothing like liberality in such a
matter as this), and, allowing a large margin for various idiosyn-
crasies, we can fancy the following result:—
Mr. Gladstone.2,400
Mr. J. L. Toole (representing Mr. Wilson Barrett) . . 18,016
Mr. Spurgeon. 7
Cardinal Manning. 452
Mr. Griffiths (the Safe Man). 29,645
Lord Randolph Churchill (representing himself) . . 1
Mr. Bradshaw (representing the Railway Interests) . . 86
Secretary, General Omnibus Company . . , . . 4,000,000
Mr. Wilson Barrett (representing Mr. Lawrence Barrett) ’ 6
Miss Mary Anderson (representing Lord Coleridge) . 1
Having obtained this result, our course is quite clear. Miss Mary
Anderson (as a foreigner and a Lady), the Secretary of the General
Omnibus Company (as an injudicious selection), and Mr. Griffiths
(because he is a safe man), may be struck out at once. We then
have remaining, Messrs. Gladstone, J. L. Toole, Spurgeon, Wilson
Barrett, Lord Randolph Churchill, and last, but not least,
Cardinal Manning. This will give us seven Candidates for eight
Seats. Clearly some addition will he required. For the sake of
fairness, it would be advisable to add at least five ; say, Mr. John
Hollingshead, Mr. C’omyns Carr. Sir Edward Watkin, Sir Andrew
Clark, and Mr. Val Prinsep. We now submit the amended list to
the next voter, when we need not be surprised if he sends in the
i olio wing returns:—
Emperor of China ) r, , , .
Mr. Tracy Turnerelli \ ®ea<*
The Ghost of Hamlet’s Uncle—Nowhere.
This result should he most satisfactory, as it would argue that it
as iurnished by a lunatic—a member of a highly esteemed class,
for which it is, however, most difficult to obtain adequate representa-
tion. The first and the last of these candidates would be rejected on
account of their disabilities to sit in Parliament. There is no reas m,
however, why the votes given to them should not be added to M t.
Spurgeon’s series. Now, say we give the amended list to a thousand
persons taken hap-hazard, as of course the plan I am advocating is
merely an experiment to see how it works, and not to test the poli-
tical bias of our much-loved country—we should possibly have this
result:—
Mr. Gladstone
. 4,792
Mr. J. L. Toole
29,000,000
Mr. Sfurgeon
. 7
Cardinal Manning .
10
Mr. Bradshaw
8,400,762
Mr. Comyns Carr .
97
Sir E. Watkin
243
Messrs. Hollingshead and Prinsep (coupled)
763
It is obvious that the natural thing to do now would be to reject
Mr. Bradshaw, and take away his votes. Having done this, matters
would he made more ship-shape by every voter thinking of a number,
doubling it, adding seven to it, dividing it by five, and putting the
total thus reached to the credit of his favourite candidate. This, of
course, would be merely a question of figures.
You will notice that I have done my best in the above rough sketch
to meet all possibilities. With the coming Reform Bill no doubt we
shall have quite a new kind of electors, for whose peculiarities wide
allowance must be made. They are given votes, and it is, conse-
quently, of importance that those votes should he properly utilised.
Unless those who possess the franchise are carefully instructed
beforehand, it is not improbable that the tossing of a halfpenny may
decide many a difficult question of choice. And as we cannot reason-
ably expect that every voter will have a profound knowledge of the
higher branches of the Mathematical Science, the simpler the process
of election advocated the better.
And now, Sir, having inaugurated the idea, a,nd suggested a
scheme which seems to me quite as comprehensible as that proposed
by Sir John Lubbock, I leave it to others with more time at their
disposal than I have to develope it.
With sincere respect, yours truly,
Matthew Muddle.
Dog-Latin Indeed.—{By Johnson Junior.)-
Beware of the Cane 1
Cave Canern ! ”