Punch (86.1884)

I

;

March 15, 1884.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

121

But the Trooper gnawed his chin-strap, then sheepishly
hung his head;

“Speak out, old chap!” said his comrades. With an
effort, at last, he said—

“ I came to the front with my pals here, the boys, and
the brave old tars,

I’ve fought for my Queen and country, and rode with
the Tenth Hussars;

I ’m proud of the tine old regiment! ’’—then the Colonel
shook his hand—

“ So I ’ll ask one single favour from my Queen and my
native land!

“ There sits by your side on the Staff, Sir, a man we are
proud to own!

He was struck down first in the battle, but never was
heard to groan;

If I’ve done ought to deserve it,”—then the General
smiled “ Of course,”—

“ Give back to the Tenth their Colonel—the Man on the
old White Horse!

“If ever a man bore up, Sir, as a soldier should, with pluck,

And fought with a savage sorrow the demon of cursed ill-
luck—

That man he sits beside you! Give us hack, with his
wounds and scars,

The man who has sorely suffered, and is loved by the
Tenth Hussars! ”

Then a cheer went up from his comrades, and echoed
across the sand,

And was borne on the wings of mercy to the heart of hi-
native land,

Where the Queen on her Throne will hear it, and tin
Colonel Prince wall praise

The words of a simple soldier just uttered by Trooper
Hayes.

Let the moralist stooj> to mercy, that balm of all souls!
that live ;

For better than all forgetting, is the wonderful word
“ Forgive! ”

HEAT A AD LIGHT.

ANNALS OF A WINTER HEALTH RESORT.

Lady Visitor. “Oh, that’s your Doctor, is it? What sort of a Doctor,
is he ? ”

Lady Resident. “Oh, well, I don’t know much about his Ability; but

ME ’S GOT A VERY GOOD BEDSIDE MANNER ! ”

At a meeting of the National Patriotic War Whoop
Society, held on Monday last to enable one or two Noble-
men to deliver eloquent anti-Ministerial speeches, of
which the House of Lords was not worthy, that House
having strangely preferred going off to dinner instead of
listening to them, the following interesting letter was
read from Professor Tinderbox :—

A TALE OE THE TENTH HUSSARS!

When the sand of the lonely desert has covered the plains of strife,

Where the English fought for the rescue, and the Arab stood for his life;

\\ hen the crash of the battle is over, and healed are our wounds and scars,
There will live in our island story a Tale of the Tenth Hussars !

They had charged in the grand old fashion with furious shout and swoop,

W ith a “ Follow me, Lads ! ” from the Colonel, and an answering roar from
the troop;

On the Staff, as the Troopers past it, in glory of pride and pluck,

They heard, and they never forgot it, one following shout, “ Good luck ! ”

Wounded and worn he sat there, in silence of pride and pain,

T he man who’d led them often, but was never to lead again.

Think of the secret anguish ! think of the dull remorse !

To see the Hussars sweep past him, unled by the old White Horse !

An alien, not a stranger : with heart of a comrade still,

He had borne his sorrow bravely, as a soldier must and will;

And wffien the battle was over, in deepening gloom and shade,

He followed the Staff in silence, and rode to the grand parade ;

I or the Tenth had another hero, all ripe for the General’s praise,

Who was called to the front that evening by the name of Trooper Hayes ;

He had slashed his way to fortune, when scattered, unhorsed, alone,

And in saving the life of a comrade had managed to guard his own.

The General spoke out bravely as ever a soldier can—

“ The Army ’s proud of your valour : the Regiment’s proud of their man ! ”
Then across that lonely desert, at the close of the General’s praise,

Came a cheer, then a quick short tremble on the lips of Trooper Hayes.

“ Speak out,” said the kindly Colonel, “if you’ve anything, Lad, to say ;
i our Queen and your dear old country shall hear what you’ve done to-day! ” j

“ It would have given me, as a man of peace and science,
a great deal of pleasure to attend your Meeting. I could
have shown without any difficulty how well the scientific
system of the Division of Labour is illustrated, when Plat-
form Oratory, Jingoism, and Chemistry meet in the same
person, and that an individual who has made a name as
a Philosopher deserves to be regarded as an authority on
Eastern politics. {Cheers.) I can assure you that during
the last few days my blood has repeatedly reached the
boiling point, Fahrenheit, owing to the nefarious character
of Mr.° Gladstone, whom, however, I, as a good Liberal,
regard with deep respect. A gentleman whom I met at
the bottom of a crevasse in a glacier near the Bel Alp, and
who had tasted no food for six days, recently told me that
he thought England was going to the dogs ; I controverted
the opinion with some warmth at the time, but now I see
what a really accurate and original remark it was.”
(“ Hear, hear ! ”) ...

‘ ‘ But to return. The present Government is showing
strong signs of what I may perhaps call cretaceous degene-
ration ; indeed, their continuance in office is the only argu-
ment I know against my friend Darwin’s doctrine of the
Survival of the Fittest. Providence, or that congeries of
forces which goes by the name, manifestly favours the
absorption of sandy deserts all over the Universe into the
broad bosom of the Empire. Excuse the unscientific
ardour of the expression, but I cannot refrain from ejacu-
lating, ‘ Hurrah for our gallant Redcoats ! ’ There is
nothing, let me assure your Meeting, in the least degree
inconsistent in a Scientific Materialist coming out as. a
Political Sentimentalist of the deepest dye. Politics is,
in fact, that branch of my intellectual activities upon
which Nature compensates herself for the severe rationality
of Science.” {Cheers.)