Punch (86.1884)

March 29, 1884.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

145

A CRUISE WITH THE BLUES.

By Dumb-Crambo Junior.

Krooman going for a Scull with a High
Feather.

Drawing Well to the Front. Going in for a Good Bucket.

Some-of the Crew rowed Outside the Boat. Pulling themselves together.

Swing-

—and Finish.

THE HOUSE OE COMMONS AS IT SHOULD BE.

[A Report taken after the passing of Mr. Punch’s proposed Rules.)

In the House of Commons, the Speaker having taken the Chair at
four o’clock, a message from the Upper House was read to the effect
that their Lordships had just carried a Resolution agreeing pro-
spectively to everything settled by the Commons, and declaring all
Bills that would naturally have come before their Lordships from
another place as read three times and passed.

The First Lord of the Treasury was about to congratulate the
House on this very sensible arrangement, which he said was calcu-
lated to save much valuable public time, when

The Speaker interposed; and, while deprecating an undue inter-
ference with the right of debate, suggested that the Right Hon.
Gentleman might more conveniently write what he wished to say to
one of the daily papers. [Cheers.)

The Leader of the Opposition, while bowing to the authority of

the Chair, thought it would be only respectful if some acknowledg-
ment--

The Speaker (interrupting): I know what the Right Hon. Gentle-
man is. about to say. But no acknowledgment is possible. Their
Lordships, after passing the Resolution j ust conveyed to the House,
immediately adjourned until this day year. [Laughter.)

An Hon. Member wished to ask—but

The Speaker moved that he was out of order, as by the Hew Rules
no questions were permitted. (“ Hear, hear 1”)

The Queen’s Speech (which had been communicated to the Public
Press a week before the assembling of Parliament) was then taken
as read.

The First Lord of the Treasury reminded the House that Rule VII.
declared that when the Government had a two-thirds Majority,
all measures should be accepted without opposition. (“ Hear,
hear ! ”) He begged to introduce the Estimates, which had for some
weeks been under the consideration of the people in the pages of the
Public Press; and as Hon. Members had already received copies of
the accounts, he proposed that they be accepted en bloc.

The Estimates en bloc were then agreed to.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer then introduced the Budget.
He would make no financial statement, as his plan had been fully
explained, before the assembling of the House, in the daily journals.

The Budget was passed under Rule VII.

The following Bills were then read three times, and passed under
the same regulation :—The New Borough and County Franchise Bill,
the New Bankruptcy Bill, the New Merchant Shipping Bill, the New
Corrupt Practices (Elections) Bill, the New England, Ireland, and
Scotland Distribution of Seats Bill, and the Corporation of London
(Abolition of) Bill.

Just as the last-mentioned measure was being read a Third Time,
the Lord Mayor of London rose from his seat, and amidst loud
shouts of “ Order ! ” tried to address the House.

The Sreaker : I must request the Right Hon. Gentleman to resume
his seat. His interruption is indecent. [Loud cheers.) I must
remind the House that Rule VIII. abolishes all discussion not sanc-
tioned by the Chair. I have made it a practice to permit no dis-
cussion whenno interest can be advanced by talking (“ Hear, hear /”)
All the oratory in the world would not influence a single Party vote;
so it would be a pure waste of time to discuss these matters further.
(“ Hear, hear /”) If the Right Hon. Member wishes to speak, surely
he can avail himself of the privilege when presiding over the splendid
hospitality of the Mansion House. [Cheers and laughter.)

The Corporation of London (Abolition of) Bill was then passed, as
were the Criminal Code Bill, the Compulsory Cheap Consumable
Articles Bill, the Foreign Cattle Importation Bill, the New Marriage
Bill, the Married Woman’s Property Protection Bill, the Gas and
Water Companies Abolition Bill, the Payment of Vestrymen Bill,
the Primogeniture Abolition Bill, the Real and Personal Property
Amalgamation Bill, and the Fox-hunting Suppression Bill.

When this measure was reached, the Lord Mayor of London again
interposed. He wished to say that, in the interests of Epping
Forest-

The Speaker having called the Lord Mayor to order, all. the
Private Bills of the Session (which had been examined in Committee
during the Recess) were read three times, and passed. Thirty
Clerks, each reading a Bill simultaneously, got through this duty in
a few minutes.

The First Lord of the Treasury then announced that the work of
the Session was over. Her Majesty (by a recent statute) was now
permitted to give the Royal Assent through the medium of the Post-
master-General, who stamped the various measures on their arrival
at St. Martin’s-le-Grand. This formality would be observed before
to-morrow morning. [Cheers.) Their labours were now at an end.
[Prolonged applause.)

The Leader of the Opposition then asked how they would learn
the contents of the Queen’s Speech proroguing Parliament.

The Speaker : By reading it in the evening papers. [Renewed
cheering.)

The Members then separated, after expressing themselves delighted
with the afternoon’s entertainment, and conscious of the fact that
they had done more real work in less than a couple of hours under
the New Rules than, in the olden time, used to be accomplished
during the greater part of a twelvemonth.

Punch, to the Premier.

Your health! Vox vobiscum ! Eloquent Gladstone,
May you soon find that rest to your fine organ adds tone.
Take time, shun the cold,

And ’twill sound, as of old,

As mellow as Memnon’s, as gay as a lad’s tone !

The Party most interested in the Frozen Meet Trade.
The Fox.

Vol. Si,

5-2