DOI Heft:
March 22, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0139
March 22, 1884.]
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVABI.
133
HE LATE BILLIARD TOURNAMENT.
Brawn on the Spot by Dumb-Crambo Junior,
RULES.
Tt will be noticed with considerable surprise, not to say indignation, that
although there are to be Volunteer gatherings for the purposes of “instruc-
tion in tactics ” at Aldershot, Portsmouth, and Chatham, the Metropolis, as a
scene of operations,, has been entirely neglected. To rectify this astounding
omission, the following “ General Idea” (suggested by a similar document rela-
tive to Portsdown Heights) is furnished, with the request that it may be imme-
diately adopted by the Authorities in Pall Mall.
General Idea.
^orce R marching from Hounslow, with a view to seizing the
Cnelsea Bunhouse, after burning: the principal shop for the sale of Maids-of
honour at Richmond. The Commander of a Northern Force at Camden Town
resolves to endeavour to intercept this movement.
Operations of Friday, April 11.—The Advanced Guard of the Northern
force, having reached South Kensington by Brampton and Islington omnibuses
t evemno- ,n the neighbourhood of Putney, covering
the
pievious evening, arrives
the roads leading to Barnes Common with empty beer-
bottles.
Operations of Saturday, April 12.—The Advanced
Guard of the Northern Force occupy the Westminster
Aquarium during the Variety Entertainment. Then,
leaving the “Club Dinner” on their right, they drive
the ticket-clerk of the St. James’s Park Station in under
shelter of bis pigeon-hole. Next they visit numerous
taverns on the line of route. Having thus created a
diversion, they invade Rochester Row, and pass the rest of
the night and Sunday at the Police-Station. The Western
Force, which, in like manner, had occupied a similar post
at Kensington, are bailed out during the night.
Operations of Monday, April 14.—The Western Force
endeavours to carry out its object by chartering a
pleasure-van for Sunbury. The Members of the Kempton
Park Club oppose this attack by calling in the assistance
of the Police. The Northern Force endeavours to prevent
the junction.
General Instructions.—The Western Force is re-
presented by Volunteers and other persons who happen to
have nothing particularly to do at Easter. The Northern
Force is represented by Volunteers and other persons
wdio are similarly constituted to the members of the
Western Force. The Towrer of London is supposed to
be non-existent. The Suspension Bridge at Battersea
is supposed to be protected by a tete-du-pont -which
prevents it being destroyed by Artillery-hre. It is
supposed that there is no half-price at the Globe Theatre.
Charges for Infantry (except wrhen in arms) will be made
by all the Officials of the London General Omnibus
Company. At the conclusion of the Manoeuvres, the
-whole of The troops will take each other by surprise, by
going to bed—quietly. Vivat Regina! No money
returned.
PITY THE POLICE!
[Mr. Shiel, one of the Hammersmith Magistrates, has fined
two Nursemaids for wheeling perambulators on the footpath.]
It’s terribly hard upon Pleece-
man X,
And quite against bis natur,
A servant gal in the street to
vex
And “cop” her perambula- j
tor.
Elizabeth Whitehead, my
heart is wroth,
For jou and Matilda ^ ^
BlGGiN Constable X.
For Mr. Shiil he has fined you both,
Besides he gave you a “wiggin.”
The shilling apiece was paid of course,
A horrible law revealing,
But think of the member of the Force
Who took you, and his feeling !
And where, I ask, are the kids to go ?
If Mr. Shiel is willing,—
Why into the roadwmy ; yes, iust so,
Like lambs all ready for killing'.
The omnibus and the brewer’s dray,
And rollicking hansom cabbies,
Will most assuredly maim and slay,
Each hour, some precious babbies.
So change the law, for as I’m a man
With views and I’m proud to state ’em.
I ’ll never meddle with Mary Ann,
And that’s my ultipomatum.
A REASONABLE EXPLANATION.
At Tamanieb, wre are told, Osman Digna’k fierce
hordes rushed out. of the ravine where they had been
lodged, as though they had been madmen. Probably they
were—ravine madmen, poor fellows!
If it is a question of “ Cremation r. Incrimination,”
the possible poisoners will vote for Cremation.
-
PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVABI.
133
HE LATE BILLIARD TOURNAMENT.
Brawn on the Spot by Dumb-Crambo Junior,
RULES.
Tt will be noticed with considerable surprise, not to say indignation, that
although there are to be Volunteer gatherings for the purposes of “instruc-
tion in tactics ” at Aldershot, Portsmouth, and Chatham, the Metropolis, as a
scene of operations,, has been entirely neglected. To rectify this astounding
omission, the following “ General Idea” (suggested by a similar document rela-
tive to Portsdown Heights) is furnished, with the request that it may be imme-
diately adopted by the Authorities in Pall Mall.
General Idea.
^orce R marching from Hounslow, with a view to seizing the
Cnelsea Bunhouse, after burning: the principal shop for the sale of Maids-of
honour at Richmond. The Commander of a Northern Force at Camden Town
resolves to endeavour to intercept this movement.
Operations of Friday, April 11.—The Advanced Guard of the Northern
force, having reached South Kensington by Brampton and Islington omnibuses
t evemno- ,n the neighbourhood of Putney, covering
the
pievious evening, arrives
the roads leading to Barnes Common with empty beer-
bottles.
Operations of Saturday, April 12.—The Advanced
Guard of the Northern Force occupy the Westminster
Aquarium during the Variety Entertainment. Then,
leaving the “Club Dinner” on their right, they drive
the ticket-clerk of the St. James’s Park Station in under
shelter of bis pigeon-hole. Next they visit numerous
taverns on the line of route. Having thus created a
diversion, they invade Rochester Row, and pass the rest of
the night and Sunday at the Police-Station. The Western
Force, which, in like manner, had occupied a similar post
at Kensington, are bailed out during the night.
Operations of Monday, April 14.—The Western Force
endeavours to carry out its object by chartering a
pleasure-van for Sunbury. The Members of the Kempton
Park Club oppose this attack by calling in the assistance
of the Police. The Northern Force endeavours to prevent
the junction.
General Instructions.—The Western Force is re-
presented by Volunteers and other persons who happen to
have nothing particularly to do at Easter. The Northern
Force is represented by Volunteers and other persons
wdio are similarly constituted to the members of the
Western Force. The Towrer of London is supposed to
be non-existent. The Suspension Bridge at Battersea
is supposed to be protected by a tete-du-pont -which
prevents it being destroyed by Artillery-hre. It is
supposed that there is no half-price at the Globe Theatre.
Charges for Infantry (except wrhen in arms) will be made
by all the Officials of the London General Omnibus
Company. At the conclusion of the Manoeuvres, the
-whole of The troops will take each other by surprise, by
going to bed—quietly. Vivat Regina! No money
returned.
PITY THE POLICE!
[Mr. Shiel, one of the Hammersmith Magistrates, has fined
two Nursemaids for wheeling perambulators on the footpath.]
It’s terribly hard upon Pleece-
man X,
And quite against bis natur,
A servant gal in the street to
vex
And “cop” her perambula- j
tor.
Elizabeth Whitehead, my
heart is wroth,
For jou and Matilda ^ ^
BlGGiN Constable X.
For Mr. Shiil he has fined you both,
Besides he gave you a “wiggin.”
The shilling apiece was paid of course,
A horrible law revealing,
But think of the member of the Force
Who took you, and his feeling !
And where, I ask, are the kids to go ?
If Mr. Shiel is willing,—
Why into the roadwmy ; yes, iust so,
Like lambs all ready for killing'.
The omnibus and the brewer’s dray,
And rollicking hansom cabbies,
Will most assuredly maim and slay,
Each hour, some precious babbies.
So change the law, for as I’m a man
With views and I’m proud to state ’em.
I ’ll never meddle with Mary Ann,
And that’s my ultipomatum.
A REASONABLE EXPLANATION.
At Tamanieb, wre are told, Osman Digna’k fierce
hordes rushed out. of the ravine where they had been
lodged, as though they had been madmen. Probably they
were—ravine madmen, poor fellows!
If it is a question of “ Cremation r. Incrimination,”
the possible poisoners will vote for Cremation.
-