Punch (86.1884)

Januaby 26, 1884.]

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

37

VERY TRYING.

A Record of a few Trials of Patience.

No III.—The Important Chief Clerk.

N taking his usual seat below the
Magisterial bench, Mr. Bigley
Magnus, the Chief Clerk, addressing
the Usher, asked whether the learned
Magistrate had yet arrived ?

Usher. He had not arrived a
moment ago, Sir.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief
Clerk). Then I can only say it is a
disgraceful waste of time. It is
now four minutes past the hour,
and if I, who have to come all the
way from Dalston, can manage to
he punctual, surely it is equally
possible for the Magistrate, who
lives in Mayfair, to be in time.

Usher. It’s not my fault, Sir-

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief
Clerk, angrily). Hold your tongue.
The conduct of this Court is disgraceful, and ought to be noticed by
the Press. Where are the Reporters ?

Usher. I don’t know, Sir. We’ve nothing to do with the Reporters.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk). Hold your tongue, Sir.
How dare you contradict me? One can’t, however, expect the
Reporters to be punctual if such a bad example is set them by the
Magistrate.

At five minutes past ten the learned Magistrate took his seat upon
the bench.

John Donovan, labourer, was charged with assaulting Patrick
Mtdrphy. Mi'BT’ny, whose head was
entirely bandaged, deposed that at ten
o’clock at night he was walking along the
Euston Road-

Mr. Biqley Maqnus (the Chief Clerk).
Which side ?

Witness (mistaking Mr. Bigley Magnus,
the Chief Clerk, for the learned Magis-
trate). The other side, your Worship.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk).
Wrong district. Remove the Prisoner.
(To Witness.) You must prefer your
charge at Marylebone Police Court.

Witness. I prefer it here, your Worship.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk—to Gaoler). Do as I tell you,
please. (To Witness.) Leave the box—go to Marylebone. Call on
next case.

The Learned Magistrate. One moment, please. I don’t want to
interrupt the proceedings more than necessary, but the Witness only
said he was walking on the other side of Euston Road. I don’t
suggest otherwise ; but, as it may transpire that the actual assault
eventually took place this side of the road, I think it desirable that
we should hear all the Witness has to say. Being the Magistrate, I
have taken the liberty of offering my opinion upon the matter.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk—to Gaoler).

Bring the Prisoner back.

My _ sole object was, if
possible, to save the public
time.

The Witness, Patrick
Muephy, then proceeded
with his evidence. He
said : — I was walking
along, your Honour, when
suddenly I was struck a
fearful blow, your Worship.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk). Now, that is
the point. Were you
struck the other side ?

Witness. No, your Hon-
our—this side.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk). Do you mean
to say you were struck this
ade of the road ?

Witness. No, your Hon-
our. I was struck this side
of the head ? (Laughter
in Court.)

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk). If there is any furthef
attempt at laughter, the Court shall be cleared. (To the Magistrate.)
You see, Sir, you have no jurisdiction—the assault occurred the other
side of the road. (To Gaoler.) Remove the Prisoner. (To Witness.)
Go to Marylebone.

The Learned Magistrate. One moment, please. I have evidently

: Bound Over.”

In Guitar Attitude—Harping on One
String.

Doing Things by Halves.

The Beak.

misunderstood the Witness. I heard nothing about his being struck
the other side of the road. (To Witness.) Please to inform me—I
am the Magistrate—in what particular position were you when you
were struck ?

Witness (confused). I was struck all of a heap.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk, violently). But where ?
What spot ?

Witness. In the middle, your Worship.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the Chief Clerk). Middle of what?

Witness. Middle of the road, of course.

The Learned Magistrate. Were you assaulted on this side of the
Euston Road—if I may be
allowed to ask a question ? ijk

Witness. No, Sir; he only
kicked me this side of the road.

The Learned Magistrate.

This is certainly an awkward
question of.jurisdiction. The
Witness first was assaulted
the other side of the road,
which belongs to Marylebone
district; then in the middle,
which belongs, I presume, to
both ; and, lastly, this side of
the road, which, of course, is
in our district. I will retire,
and consult my colleague on
the point.

The learned Magistrate then left, and, on his return, in twenty
minutes’ time, said that his learned colleague, whom he had consulted,
concurred in the opinion that the case could be dealt with in the
present Court.

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk). I know, Sir.
I looked out the Jurisdic-
tions Act, and discovered
that immediately after you
left, and so I remanded the
Prisoner for a week.

The Learned Magistrate.
You remanded him ?

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk). Yes, Sir. I
thought it would save
public time. With regard
to the ease of Francis
Pumplechook, charged, on
remand, with embezzle-
ment, the Prisoner pleaded
“Guilty.”

The Learned'Magistrate.

When ?

Mr. Bigley Magnus (the
Chief Clerk). While you
were' engaged in consulta-
tion upstairs, Sir ; and, to
save you a deal of trouble,
and the Public a deal of
time, I gave him six month s.