DOI Heft:
February 23, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0092
February 23, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LQNDON CHARIVARI.
85
LETTERS TO SOME PEOPLE
About Other People’s Business.
To Miss Lotta, at the Opera Comique.
My bear Miss Lotta,
My Cousin Yibbs, having; split the seams of his coat by
laughing in his sleeve, and having gone to the tailor’s to be
repaired, I venture to take up the pen, in order to call your
attention to what is going on close to your very doors. Rank,
as you are aware, has its duties as well as its pleasures, and your
duties as Marchioness, which you carry out with such exemplary
skill and enthusiasm every evening, have naturally prevented you
from having the pleasure of paying a visit to the Strand Theatre,
which, perhaps, you are not aware is in your immediate neighbour-
hood. Indeed, your Ladyship has only to bound across the road,
and you will hnd a pleasant room
and an admirable company.
Whether you will prefer the room
to the company, 1 am unable to
say, but both are so good, that I
think you will be gratified in my
having called your attention to the
very excellent entertainment which
is going on within a stone’s throw—
so to speak—for people do not throw
stones in these modern well-behaved
days—of your own mansion.
The entertainment consists chiefly
of an American Drama called My
Sweetheart, and the principal enter-
tainer is a young lady—Miss Minnie
Palmer,—whose performance you
will doubtless find after your own
heart. Indeed she is the life and
soul of the piece. A pretty, arch,
petite damsel, agile as a kitten, play-
ful as a school-girl, yet full of an
indescribable grace and espieglerie
which is emphatically her own.
Bright, arch, and crisp as a cracknel
by Huntley and Palmer, — for
aught I know she may be a junior
partner in the firm, and derive her
crispness from that famous factory,
look upon her talents with the
she is singing or dancing, or love-
making, or romping, you will find yourself quite carried away by
the spirit and go of her acting.
But do not, my dear Miss Lotta, allow yourself to be carried away
before you have witnessed the clever rendering of Tony by Mr.
Charles Ai© >ld. I am sure
Mr. Leslie, whose perform-
ance in Hip Van Winkle you
may remember, would be
charmed at the alternations
of pathos and light-hearted-
ness Mr. Arnolp displays
while depicting a somewhat
difficult character. You will
also be pleased with Joe
Shotwell, the “broken-down
sport”—whatever that may
be, baccarat and skittles may
both now be considered
‘ ‘ broken-down sports ”—in-
terpreted with much grim
humour by Mr. T. J. Haw-
kins. You will doubtless
enjoy a hearty laugh over
Mr. Philip Ben Greet’s
Dudley Harcourt. His eccen-
tric little back step appears
to be as hugely relished as
Dundreary's hop was years
ago. You will also not forget
Miss Eleanor Bufton, who
looks as well as ever she did
as Mrs. Fleeter, and plays as well as ever she did in the "old
Strand days. In the words of your friend, Mr. Richard Swiveller,
the Opera Comique/' commands an uninterrupted view of over the
way,” and “its contingent advantages are extraordinary.” Therefore
1 should advise you to embrace the earliest opportunity of dropping
over the way,” and enjoying the “ contingent advantages” of
Miss Minnie Palmer’s performance. With kind regards to Mr.
Swiveller, believe me to be, Yours truly, Squlbbs.
—you would, I feel certain,
greatest admiration. Whether
Young Rip Yan Winkle.
LA PRESSE ANGLOPHOBE.
(Nice Extracts from Neighbourly Newspapers.)
L'Orifiamme (Royalist and Religious) The revolutionary and
atheistical character of Sir Gladstone’s Government is at last
unmasked. It protects Lord Bradlaugh, and wants to murder the
Mahdi. As the firmest supporter of Throne and Altar in degenerate
France, we espouse the cause of the rebel Moslem impostor.
Our latest advices from Algeria state that the insurrection of the
Pousseh-Abou tribe has been suppressed. The Chiefs have been shot,
and twenty per cent, of their followers stifled in convenient caverns.
L'Injuste Milieu (organ of Government and Respectability) :—The
recent, the actual events in Egypt and the Soudan almost incline us
to believe in a Providence. We cannot but see herein the signal
punishment of England’s duplicity towards us We must hail the
advent of Lord Salisbury to power with enthusiasm. He is just the
Statesman likely to sympathise withM. Jules Ferry on the question
of revising Constitutions and reforming Upper Houses; while Sir
Stafford Yorthcote’s reverence for Republican institutions is said
to almost amount to fanaticism.
The last glorious victories in Tonquin are worthy of the French
flag—we can say no more. Yine villages burnt, two thousand
Mongolians killed, and a treaty concluded with a King nearly four-
teen years old, which secures us the right of holding as much land
as we like for so many slate-pencils and marbles per hectare.
L' Anarchie Rouge (advocating a policy of universal smithereens):
—Admirable Mahdi ! Base and brutal Gladstone ! They represent
quite fairly in our opinion the opposing, the irreconcilable forces of
labour and property, of revolution and stagnation; slave-trading
and the trackless desert on one side, on the other emancipation and
railways. If only the Irish would join the Prophet, our joy would
be complete. As for the people who say that the Mahdi and the Irish
are religious, they haven’t a French Radical’s enlightened faith in an
Agnostic Prophet, and a Parnell wedded to Communism in land.
The last accounts from Madagascar seem to imply that we are
about to annex the whole island. Tout mieux. Radical Republi-
canism can’t be spread too far for us by foul means. But that
invading, butchering Britain—fi done !
We subjoin some specimens of Continental Criticism from Our
Own Correspondent:—
Belgrade, Feb, 19th.
You have no idea of the indignation and contempt which has been
aroused here by the action of the English Government in appointing
Mr. Jones to the Assistant Commissionership of Customs at
Alexandria. Thus the semi-official Scraggsblatt writes
“ The insolence and rapacity of these islanders is intolerable. Yot
content with entering Egypt as robbers, the English are now assuming
a virtual Protectorate. Let them disguise the meaning of Mr. Jones’s
appointment as they may, they deceive nobody. It is a bold and
unscrupulous blow struck at the rights of Egypt and of Europe.”
The independent Popolo observes :—
“Gross timidity and cowardice are the faults we ascribe to the
English Government. The appointment of Mr. Jones is an attempt
to sneak out of Egypt, and so to evade the obligations which they
owe to Europe. Mr. Gladstone’s Government ought at once to
assume the Protectorate of Egypt. But it is always the same. Did
not the Gladstone Cabinet direct the abandonment by the English
troops of Yorth Borneo, when the bold natives had defeated them at
Isandula, and thus left the Transvaal to the valiant Afghans ? ”
The chorus of condemnation is completed by the Larron, a paper
written in French, and which also bears the title of the Troisieme
Siecle, which says
‘ ‘ The English have taken Egypt, and are holding it by their
money-bags. When the guineas are exhausted, it will be time for
France to step in. It is surely impossible for any Ministry to sur-
vive such a defeat as Mr. Gladstone has experienced in the House
of Lords, which is notoriously predisposed in his favour. Let us tell
him that France is not smarting under any sense of jealousy, in her
comments on Egyptian affairs. Yo ; it is the interests of imperilled
civilisation that she regards. The struggle to oust Mr. Jones from
his office is, although probably he is not aware of it, the conflict of
civilisation against barbarism. Gross selfishness is at the bottom of
the hypocritical and vacillating Beaconsfieldian policy of Mr. Glad-
stone. At the same time this does not prevent our also holding the
view that Mr. Gladstone is an honest sentimentalist, that he has been
consistently foolish all through, and that the chief faults of his policy
are recklessness, cowardice, indecision, stubbornness, calculating
subtlety, and total lack of foresight. Why does he not go to Mid-
lothian, and see what his Irish constituents think of him there ? ”
Motto for Anti-Yivisectionists,—“ How happy could I be with
ether ! ”
PUNCH, OR THE LQNDON CHARIVARI.
85
LETTERS TO SOME PEOPLE
About Other People’s Business.
To Miss Lotta, at the Opera Comique.
My bear Miss Lotta,
My Cousin Yibbs, having; split the seams of his coat by
laughing in his sleeve, and having gone to the tailor’s to be
repaired, I venture to take up the pen, in order to call your
attention to what is going on close to your very doors. Rank,
as you are aware, has its duties as well as its pleasures, and your
duties as Marchioness, which you carry out with such exemplary
skill and enthusiasm every evening, have naturally prevented you
from having the pleasure of paying a visit to the Strand Theatre,
which, perhaps, you are not aware is in your immediate neighbour-
hood. Indeed, your Ladyship has only to bound across the road,
and you will hnd a pleasant room
and an admirable company.
Whether you will prefer the room
to the company, 1 am unable to
say, but both are so good, that I
think you will be gratified in my
having called your attention to the
very excellent entertainment which
is going on within a stone’s throw—
so to speak—for people do not throw
stones in these modern well-behaved
days—of your own mansion.
The entertainment consists chiefly
of an American Drama called My
Sweetheart, and the principal enter-
tainer is a young lady—Miss Minnie
Palmer,—whose performance you
will doubtless find after your own
heart. Indeed she is the life and
soul of the piece. A pretty, arch,
petite damsel, agile as a kitten, play-
ful as a school-girl, yet full of an
indescribable grace and espieglerie
which is emphatically her own.
Bright, arch, and crisp as a cracknel
by Huntley and Palmer, — for
aught I know she may be a junior
partner in the firm, and derive her
crispness from that famous factory,
look upon her talents with the
she is singing or dancing, or love-
making, or romping, you will find yourself quite carried away by
the spirit and go of her acting.
But do not, my dear Miss Lotta, allow yourself to be carried away
before you have witnessed the clever rendering of Tony by Mr.
Charles Ai© >ld. I am sure
Mr. Leslie, whose perform-
ance in Hip Van Winkle you
may remember, would be
charmed at the alternations
of pathos and light-hearted-
ness Mr. Arnolp displays
while depicting a somewhat
difficult character. You will
also be pleased with Joe
Shotwell, the “broken-down
sport”—whatever that may
be, baccarat and skittles may
both now be considered
‘ ‘ broken-down sports ”—in-
terpreted with much grim
humour by Mr. T. J. Haw-
kins. You will doubtless
enjoy a hearty laugh over
Mr. Philip Ben Greet’s
Dudley Harcourt. His eccen-
tric little back step appears
to be as hugely relished as
Dundreary's hop was years
ago. You will also not forget
Miss Eleanor Bufton, who
looks as well as ever she did
as Mrs. Fleeter, and plays as well as ever she did in the "old
Strand days. In the words of your friend, Mr. Richard Swiveller,
the Opera Comique/' commands an uninterrupted view of over the
way,” and “its contingent advantages are extraordinary.” Therefore
1 should advise you to embrace the earliest opportunity of dropping
over the way,” and enjoying the “ contingent advantages” of
Miss Minnie Palmer’s performance. With kind regards to Mr.
Swiveller, believe me to be, Yours truly, Squlbbs.
—you would, I feel certain,
greatest admiration. Whether
Young Rip Yan Winkle.
LA PRESSE ANGLOPHOBE.
(Nice Extracts from Neighbourly Newspapers.)
L'Orifiamme (Royalist and Religious) The revolutionary and
atheistical character of Sir Gladstone’s Government is at last
unmasked. It protects Lord Bradlaugh, and wants to murder the
Mahdi. As the firmest supporter of Throne and Altar in degenerate
France, we espouse the cause of the rebel Moslem impostor.
Our latest advices from Algeria state that the insurrection of the
Pousseh-Abou tribe has been suppressed. The Chiefs have been shot,
and twenty per cent, of their followers stifled in convenient caverns.
L'Injuste Milieu (organ of Government and Respectability) :—The
recent, the actual events in Egypt and the Soudan almost incline us
to believe in a Providence. We cannot but see herein the signal
punishment of England’s duplicity towards us We must hail the
advent of Lord Salisbury to power with enthusiasm. He is just the
Statesman likely to sympathise withM. Jules Ferry on the question
of revising Constitutions and reforming Upper Houses; while Sir
Stafford Yorthcote’s reverence for Republican institutions is said
to almost amount to fanaticism.
The last glorious victories in Tonquin are worthy of the French
flag—we can say no more. Yine villages burnt, two thousand
Mongolians killed, and a treaty concluded with a King nearly four-
teen years old, which secures us the right of holding as much land
as we like for so many slate-pencils and marbles per hectare.
L' Anarchie Rouge (advocating a policy of universal smithereens):
—Admirable Mahdi ! Base and brutal Gladstone ! They represent
quite fairly in our opinion the opposing, the irreconcilable forces of
labour and property, of revolution and stagnation; slave-trading
and the trackless desert on one side, on the other emancipation and
railways. If only the Irish would join the Prophet, our joy would
be complete. As for the people who say that the Mahdi and the Irish
are religious, they haven’t a French Radical’s enlightened faith in an
Agnostic Prophet, and a Parnell wedded to Communism in land.
The last accounts from Madagascar seem to imply that we are
about to annex the whole island. Tout mieux. Radical Republi-
canism can’t be spread too far for us by foul means. But that
invading, butchering Britain—fi done !
We subjoin some specimens of Continental Criticism from Our
Own Correspondent:—
Belgrade, Feb, 19th.
You have no idea of the indignation and contempt which has been
aroused here by the action of the English Government in appointing
Mr. Jones to the Assistant Commissionership of Customs at
Alexandria. Thus the semi-official Scraggsblatt writes
“ The insolence and rapacity of these islanders is intolerable. Yot
content with entering Egypt as robbers, the English are now assuming
a virtual Protectorate. Let them disguise the meaning of Mr. Jones’s
appointment as they may, they deceive nobody. It is a bold and
unscrupulous blow struck at the rights of Egypt and of Europe.”
The independent Popolo observes :—
“Gross timidity and cowardice are the faults we ascribe to the
English Government. The appointment of Mr. Jones is an attempt
to sneak out of Egypt, and so to evade the obligations which they
owe to Europe. Mr. Gladstone’s Government ought at once to
assume the Protectorate of Egypt. But it is always the same. Did
not the Gladstone Cabinet direct the abandonment by the English
troops of Yorth Borneo, when the bold natives had defeated them at
Isandula, and thus left the Transvaal to the valiant Afghans ? ”
The chorus of condemnation is completed by the Larron, a paper
written in French, and which also bears the title of the Troisieme
Siecle, which says
‘ ‘ The English have taken Egypt, and are holding it by their
money-bags. When the guineas are exhausted, it will be time for
France to step in. It is surely impossible for any Ministry to sur-
vive such a defeat as Mr. Gladstone has experienced in the House
of Lords, which is notoriously predisposed in his favour. Let us tell
him that France is not smarting under any sense of jealousy, in her
comments on Egyptian affairs. Yo ; it is the interests of imperilled
civilisation that she regards. The struggle to oust Mr. Jones from
his office is, although probably he is not aware of it, the conflict of
civilisation against barbarism. Gross selfishness is at the bottom of
the hypocritical and vacillating Beaconsfieldian policy of Mr. Glad-
stone. At the same time this does not prevent our also holding the
view that Mr. Gladstone is an honest sentimentalist, that he has been
consistently foolish all through, and that the chief faults of his policy
are recklessness, cowardice, indecision, stubbornness, calculating
subtlety, and total lack of foresight. Why does he not go to Mid-
lothian, and see what his Irish constituents think of him there ? ”
Motto for Anti-Yivisectionists,—“ How happy could I be with
ether ! ”