DOI Heft:
March 29, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0152
146
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 29. 1884
ABSENT FRIENDS; OR, HOW I DEFENDED
BURNABY!
L-rd R-nd-lph Ch-rch-ll {gallantly). “You shall only reach
■ lit THROUGH MS ! ”
VERY TRYING.
A Record of a few Trials of Patience.
No. IX.—Cross-Examination-.
Jonathan Bullethead, a powerfully-built man, with, coarse
■'natures, was charged before Mr. Oldtown with assaulting his wife,
<y kicking her, in Regent Street.
Mr. Moses Jones appeared for the Prisoner, and, addressing Mr.
Oldtown, said : Please, your Worship, I am instructed on behalf of
* he Prisoner, who is a most respectable man, to say that his wife
loes not appear against him to prosecute, for reasons which, I dare
'■iy, she knows best. I am instructed by the Prisoner that he not
■nly never laid a hand on her, but he desires a full investigation of
be case.
Mr. Oldtown. He is not charged with laying his hand upon her.
'he assault was alleged to have been committed with the feet.
Mr. Moses Jones. My positive instructions-
Mr. Oldtown. Is the Constable here who took the Prisoner in
barge ?
The Constable stepped forward, and said that the Complainant,
ho was much hurt, was afraid to appear against her husband.
Mr. Oldtown. I thought as much. I shall remand the Prisoner
m til-
’ Mr, Moses Jones. I beg your pardon, your Worship——
Mr. Oldtown. So you ought, for interrupting me.
An elderly Clergyman here stepped forward, and, addressing Mr.
Oldtown, said: Your Worship, I happened to be an unexpected
witness of this most cowardly assault, and, purely in the interest of
the Public, have come here, at great inconvenience, to give evidence.
Mr. Moses Jones. Really, your Worship, this is most irregular.
The Complainant does not wish to come forward. Are we then to
accept evidence from an outsider, in clerical garb, who is virtuous
about public interest, who is—in fact, who is he P I have known
cases—I don’t say this is an instance—but I have known innocent
men convicted on the testimony of a stranger, bribed by some person
having a grudge against the accused. I repeat, I don’t insinuate it
is the case now, but how am I to know who this Gentleman is.
Mr. Oldtown. You seem very anxious to know who he is. The
opportunity shall be afforded you. I shall accept his evidence.
Mr. Moses Jones. Surely, Sir-
Mr. Oldtown. Yes. Most surely.
The Rev. John Jimps then stated: That he saw the Prisoner
make a rush at a little woman in Regent Street, knock her down, and
kick her several times.
Mr. Oldtown. If other members of the general Public would
follow your example, Mr. Jimps, greater facility would be afforded
the Justices of Peace to get rid of such ruffians as this. You have
set a good example, and I hope others may be induced to follow it.
Mr. Moses Jones. I may be permitted, I presume, your Worship,
to cross-examine this Witness.
Mr. Oldtovqn. Oh, certainly.
Mr. Moses Jones. Now, then ! What are you ?
Witness (the Rev. Mr. Jimps). A Clergyman.
Mr. Moses Jones. What income do you make ?
Mr. Oldtown. What has this to do with the case ?
Mr. Moses Jones. I am acting on my instructions, Sir; I have a
right to ask any questions that test the credibility of the Witness. I
net in accordance with my right, and mean to do so. [To Witness.)
What is your income ?
Witness. From my church about £200 a-year, and from private
sources about £50 a-year.
Mr. Moses Jones. Private sources Oh, I thought we should
arrive at something. Y'ou see, your Worship, how important this is.
; {To Witness.) What are those private sources you speak of P
Witness. I really do not see what this has to do with the case ?
i Mr. Moses Jones {fiercely). Answer the question.
Mr. Oldtown {the Magistrate). I am afraid you must answer the
question.
Witness. I have a small income left me by an Aunt.
Mr. Moses Jones. Oh, indeed ! Now, on your oath, Sir—Will you
swear she was your Aunt ?
Witness {indignantly). 1 appeal to your Worship for protection.
Mr. Moses Jones. Answer the question.
Witness. I swear it.
Mr. Moses Jones. Have you ever received money before for being
an independent Witness ?
Witness. Never!
Mr. Moses Jones. Don’t lose your temper. Have you ever appeared
before in the so-called interests of the Public P
Witness. No ; and never mean to again, if I can help it.
Mr. Moses Jones. Have you ever received money for selling old
clothes ?
Witness. What do you insinuate ?
Mr. Moses Jones. Don’t ask me questions, hut answer mine.
Witness. I once sold some old left-off things of my own, but I
don’t see any necessity to rake up private transactions-
Mr. Moses Jones. That ’ll do. What did you get for them ?
Mr. Oldtown (the Magistrate). I shall take upon myself to stop
this examination. Supposing the Witness received eighteenpence,
or even five pounds for the things, what on earth has it to do with
the present case ? If I myself chose to sell a pair of left-off trousers,
is that to debar me from delivering judgments in future ?
Mr. Moses Jones. I shall perhaps be able to show that this Witness
is a very shady person.
Mr. Oldtown. On his testimony, I shall remand the Prisoner with-
out bail, and if the wife does not appear on the next occasion, I may
convict him on the same testimony.
Mr. Moses Jones. Should the Prisoner be discharged, I might take
measures to have the Witness suspended.
Mr. Oldtown. And if the Prisoner is convicted, the Witness might
take measures to have you struck off the Rolls.
Mr. Moses Jones. After that expression of opinion from your
Worship, I beg to apologise to the Witness.
The Witness kindly accepted the apology, and the proceedings
terminated.
Not far Wrong.
“ What ? Bother me with their Committee ? ”
Cries Watkin, ‘ ‘ I the truth divine :
They think-the fools,—and more’s the pity,
I don’t know where to draw the line ! ”
Otters in the Thames.—Our Special Otterman, whom we dis-
patched to make inquiries on the subject, thus telegraphs :—“ The
Otter is no longer the Ottercrat. of the Thames, though you may
occasionally see in secluded parts, on bitten branches, his dental
Ottergraph, which shows he has not altogether ceased to exist.” We
have wired to our Representative to return instantly.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 29. 1884
ABSENT FRIENDS; OR, HOW I DEFENDED
BURNABY!
L-rd R-nd-lph Ch-rch-ll {gallantly). “You shall only reach
■ lit THROUGH MS ! ”
VERY TRYING.
A Record of a few Trials of Patience.
No. IX.—Cross-Examination-.
Jonathan Bullethead, a powerfully-built man, with, coarse
■'natures, was charged before Mr. Oldtown with assaulting his wife,
<y kicking her, in Regent Street.
Mr. Moses Jones appeared for the Prisoner, and, addressing Mr.
Oldtown, said : Please, your Worship, I am instructed on behalf of
* he Prisoner, who is a most respectable man, to say that his wife
loes not appear against him to prosecute, for reasons which, I dare
'■iy, she knows best. I am instructed by the Prisoner that he not
■nly never laid a hand on her, but he desires a full investigation of
be case.
Mr. Oldtown. He is not charged with laying his hand upon her.
'he assault was alleged to have been committed with the feet.
Mr. Moses Jones. My positive instructions-
Mr. Oldtown. Is the Constable here who took the Prisoner in
barge ?
The Constable stepped forward, and said that the Complainant,
ho was much hurt, was afraid to appear against her husband.
Mr. Oldtown. I thought as much. I shall remand the Prisoner
m til-
’ Mr, Moses Jones. I beg your pardon, your Worship——
Mr. Oldtown. So you ought, for interrupting me.
An elderly Clergyman here stepped forward, and, addressing Mr.
Oldtown, said: Your Worship, I happened to be an unexpected
witness of this most cowardly assault, and, purely in the interest of
the Public, have come here, at great inconvenience, to give evidence.
Mr. Moses Jones. Really, your Worship, this is most irregular.
The Complainant does not wish to come forward. Are we then to
accept evidence from an outsider, in clerical garb, who is virtuous
about public interest, who is—in fact, who is he P I have known
cases—I don’t say this is an instance—but I have known innocent
men convicted on the testimony of a stranger, bribed by some person
having a grudge against the accused. I repeat, I don’t insinuate it
is the case now, but how am I to know who this Gentleman is.
Mr. Oldtown. You seem very anxious to know who he is. The
opportunity shall be afforded you. I shall accept his evidence.
Mr. Moses Jones. Surely, Sir-
Mr. Oldtown. Yes. Most surely.
The Rev. John Jimps then stated: That he saw the Prisoner
make a rush at a little woman in Regent Street, knock her down, and
kick her several times.
Mr. Oldtown. If other members of the general Public would
follow your example, Mr. Jimps, greater facility would be afforded
the Justices of Peace to get rid of such ruffians as this. You have
set a good example, and I hope others may be induced to follow it.
Mr. Moses Jones. I may be permitted, I presume, your Worship,
to cross-examine this Witness.
Mr. Oldtovqn. Oh, certainly.
Mr. Moses Jones. Now, then ! What are you ?
Witness (the Rev. Mr. Jimps). A Clergyman.
Mr. Moses Jones. What income do you make ?
Mr. Oldtown. What has this to do with the case ?
Mr. Moses Jones. I am acting on my instructions, Sir; I have a
right to ask any questions that test the credibility of the Witness. I
net in accordance with my right, and mean to do so. [To Witness.)
What is your income ?
Witness. From my church about £200 a-year, and from private
sources about £50 a-year.
Mr. Moses Jones. Private sources Oh, I thought we should
arrive at something. Y'ou see, your Worship, how important this is.
; {To Witness.) What are those private sources you speak of P
Witness. I really do not see what this has to do with the case ?
i Mr. Moses Jones {fiercely). Answer the question.
Mr. Oldtown {the Magistrate). I am afraid you must answer the
question.
Witness. I have a small income left me by an Aunt.
Mr. Moses Jones. Oh, indeed ! Now, on your oath, Sir—Will you
swear she was your Aunt ?
Witness {indignantly). 1 appeal to your Worship for protection.
Mr. Moses Jones. Answer the question.
Witness. I swear it.
Mr. Moses Jones. Have you ever received money before for being
an independent Witness ?
Witness. Never!
Mr. Moses Jones. Don’t lose your temper. Have you ever appeared
before in the so-called interests of the Public P
Witness. No ; and never mean to again, if I can help it.
Mr. Moses Jones. Have you ever received money for selling old
clothes ?
Witness. What do you insinuate ?
Mr. Moses Jones. Don’t ask me questions, hut answer mine.
Witness. I once sold some old left-off things of my own, but I
don’t see any necessity to rake up private transactions-
Mr. Moses Jones. That ’ll do. What did you get for them ?
Mr. Oldtown (the Magistrate). I shall take upon myself to stop
this examination. Supposing the Witness received eighteenpence,
or even five pounds for the things, what on earth has it to do with
the present case ? If I myself chose to sell a pair of left-off trousers,
is that to debar me from delivering judgments in future ?
Mr. Moses Jones. I shall perhaps be able to show that this Witness
is a very shady person.
Mr. Oldtown. On his testimony, I shall remand the Prisoner with-
out bail, and if the wife does not appear on the next occasion, I may
convict him on the same testimony.
Mr. Moses Jones. Should the Prisoner be discharged, I might take
measures to have the Witness suspended.
Mr. Oldtown. And if the Prisoner is convicted, the Witness might
take measures to have you struck off the Rolls.
Mr. Moses Jones. After that expression of opinion from your
Worship, I beg to apologise to the Witness.
The Witness kindly accepted the apology, and the proceedings
terminated.
Not far Wrong.
“ What ? Bother me with their Committee ? ”
Cries Watkin, ‘ ‘ I the truth divine :
They think-the fools,—and more’s the pity,
I don’t know where to draw the line ! ”
Otters in the Thames.—Our Special Otterman, whom we dis-
patched to make inquiries on the subject, thus telegraphs :—“ The
Otter is no longer the Ottercrat. of the Thames, though you may
occasionally see in secluded parts, on bitten branches, his dental
Ottergraph, which shows he has not altogether ceased to exist.” We
have wired to our Representative to return instantly.