DOI Heft:
March 29, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0153
March 29, 1884.]
PUNCH,
EXAMINATION-PAPER FOR WOULD-BE ARMY
MAJORS.
(Compiled to meet the Objection that the Present Test is too
difficult for Senior Captains to undergo.)
1. Have you got a horse F If so,—Do you know how
to ride him in rear of a Band without dismounting before
waiting for the word of command ?
2. Can you draw your sword on horseback and say
“ Charge ! ’’without falling off ?
3. “ Two’s ‘ company,’ three’s none ”—does this apply
to a Brigade ?
4. If two pairs of ammunition boots cost three shillings,
what would a single pair of boots at the same rate cost ?
5. What had the following Generals to do with the
Battle of Waterloo—(1) Wellington, (2) Napoleon, (3)
Blucher. If you can, give their nationalities F
1 6. If ordered to advance in echelon from the right,
| what question would you put to the Adjutant F If he
; said “ he didn’t know what to do,” which would you con-
! suit first, the Colonel or the Sergeant-Major F
7. What is the size of a target six feet by four feet F
! How do you (1) load and (2) fire a musket F
8. What, in your opinion, should a Sentry observe
i when alarming a Guard in case of fire F
9. State the nominal difference between a Regimental
: Court-martial and a District Court-martia].
10. On what weapon should the bayonet be generally
fixed when a battalion is being drilled in the bayonet
| exercise F
11. Given a company with loaded rifles at “the
i Present.” What word is considered, frequently neces-
i sary by the Officer in command to cause the men to dis-
! charge their rifles F
| 12. A battalion, consisting of eight companies, is divided
| on parade into equal parts —- the first four companies
j (Companies Nos. 1, 2, 3, and 4) are called the “Right
: half battalion,” the remainder the “ Left half battalion.”
\ In which half battalion would Company .No. 6 be found F
13. If you heard the word of command, “Right
shoulders forward! ” which way would you go F
14. Is an “ Ensign ” a man or a flag F
15. State anything you may happen to know about the
formation of a square F If this is too difficult, name
some of the most fashionable squares in London.
The Government to the Ogre Obstruction.—‘
comest in such a question-able shape ! ”
Thou
New Work, by the Author of Called Back, to he
entitled Called Forward; or, The Pert Young Thing.
CULTURE.
Parlour-Maid {to Buttons). “You Vulgar Boy ! You should never say
‘Ax.’ You should say ‘ Harsk ’ ! ”
THE EOWLER DID SPREAD HIS NET IN VAIN !
Our City Correspondent informs us that having fortunately dis-
| covered the name and address of the Lord Mayor’s Butterman, who
contracts, at per ton, for the weekly contents of his Lordship’s
Waste-Paper Basket, he has been enabled to obtain the replies of
the various celebrities to a recent Munching House invitation, copies
of which he subjoins
Lord Randolph Churchill (who had been asked to “ talk down ”
Mr. Gladstone) would have been much pleased to have accepted
the Lord Mayor’s courteous invitation under other circumstances,
and in other company; but with Railway Stations flying about our
heads, and cattle dying by the hundred thousand, and the national
expenditure increasing by millions and millions a day, he must
decline accepting hospitality in company with the man who has
caused it all! __
Mr. Marriott, M.P. (begged to escort Mr. Chamberlain), regrets
exceedingly that he is unable to accept the Lord Mayor’s kind
invitation, associated, as he would be, with one who, to the meanness
of a screw adds the sting of a wasp and the audacity of a Caucusian.
Mr. Bradlaugh, M.P. (asked to give his arm to Mr. Newdegate),
presents his compliments to the Lord Mayor, and very much regrets
that a previous engagement to lecture at the Hall of Science, Huggin
Lane, prevents him from accepting his most unexpected invitation to
dinner on April 1st; the more so, as he should have been glad of
the opportunity of convincing Mr. Newdegate of his error in sup-
posing that he was not perfectly ready to swallow any oath without
blinking. _
Mr. Parnell (required to convoy Mr. Forster), having consulted
the Members of that important Party of which he is the only acknow-
ledged leader, has received their instructions to decline, without
thanks, the invitation to dine at the Mansion House, in close
proximity to the cold-blooded Saxon who ruled his down-trodden
country with a rod of hot lead and cold steel, and left a name behind
him which they will Forster till that-glorious time when a Native
Parliament of calm, dignified, peace-loving representatives shall meei
on the shores of the beautiful Lift'ey.
Mr. Bass (paired with Sir Wilfrid Lawson), would have acceptea
the Lord Mayor’s invitation with very much pleasure if unaccom-
panied with the intimation of the name of his next neighbour on
the occasion. But to be seated next to a chaffing Teetotaller who
would be watching every draught he took, would make his Bitter
Ale bitter indeed, and make him as Mumm over his Champagne a.-
a Waiter. ___
Mr. Joseph Gillis Biggar, M.P. (allotted to Sir William
Yernon Harcourt), is somewhat surprised that the Lord Mayor
should think it possible that he could for one moment consent to put
his Irish legs under the same mahogany as that bitter foe to the
patriotic Irish Brigade, the Home Secretary, otherwise it would
have pleased his genial nature to have seen the conger eel that his
poor countrymen spurn with contempt, served up as a luxury to the
ignorant Saxon. __
Mr. James Firth Bottomley Firth, M.P. (attached to Sir Walter
Robert Carden), must decline the Lord Mayor’s invitation for the
1st of April, having an important Post Office engagement for that
day, which will pay better. Even were it not so, he should still think
that “ better is an humble chop and a baked tater in the Hall of the
Middle Temple, than doubtful turtle and high wenson at that 1 Shrine
of Gluttony,’ the Munchin’ House! ”
PUNCH,
EXAMINATION-PAPER FOR WOULD-BE ARMY
MAJORS.
(Compiled to meet the Objection that the Present Test is too
difficult for Senior Captains to undergo.)
1. Have you got a horse F If so,—Do you know how
to ride him in rear of a Band without dismounting before
waiting for the word of command ?
2. Can you draw your sword on horseback and say
“ Charge ! ’’without falling off ?
3. “ Two’s ‘ company,’ three’s none ”—does this apply
to a Brigade ?
4. If two pairs of ammunition boots cost three shillings,
what would a single pair of boots at the same rate cost ?
5. What had the following Generals to do with the
Battle of Waterloo—(1) Wellington, (2) Napoleon, (3)
Blucher. If you can, give their nationalities F
1 6. If ordered to advance in echelon from the right,
| what question would you put to the Adjutant F If he
; said “ he didn’t know what to do,” which would you con-
! suit first, the Colonel or the Sergeant-Major F
7. What is the size of a target six feet by four feet F
! How do you (1) load and (2) fire a musket F
8. What, in your opinion, should a Sentry observe
i when alarming a Guard in case of fire F
9. State the nominal difference between a Regimental
: Court-martial and a District Court-martia].
10. On what weapon should the bayonet be generally
fixed when a battalion is being drilled in the bayonet
| exercise F
11. Given a company with loaded rifles at “the
i Present.” What word is considered, frequently neces-
i sary by the Officer in command to cause the men to dis-
! charge their rifles F
| 12. A battalion, consisting of eight companies, is divided
| on parade into equal parts —- the first four companies
j (Companies Nos. 1, 2, 3, and 4) are called the “Right
: half battalion,” the remainder the “ Left half battalion.”
\ In which half battalion would Company .No. 6 be found F
13. If you heard the word of command, “Right
shoulders forward! ” which way would you go F
14. Is an “ Ensign ” a man or a flag F
15. State anything you may happen to know about the
formation of a square F If this is too difficult, name
some of the most fashionable squares in London.
The Government to the Ogre Obstruction.—‘
comest in such a question-able shape ! ”
Thou
New Work, by the Author of Called Back, to he
entitled Called Forward; or, The Pert Young Thing.
CULTURE.
Parlour-Maid {to Buttons). “You Vulgar Boy ! You should never say
‘Ax.’ You should say ‘ Harsk ’ ! ”
THE EOWLER DID SPREAD HIS NET IN VAIN !
Our City Correspondent informs us that having fortunately dis-
| covered the name and address of the Lord Mayor’s Butterman, who
contracts, at per ton, for the weekly contents of his Lordship’s
Waste-Paper Basket, he has been enabled to obtain the replies of
the various celebrities to a recent Munching House invitation, copies
of which he subjoins
Lord Randolph Churchill (who had been asked to “ talk down ”
Mr. Gladstone) would have been much pleased to have accepted
the Lord Mayor’s courteous invitation under other circumstances,
and in other company; but with Railway Stations flying about our
heads, and cattle dying by the hundred thousand, and the national
expenditure increasing by millions and millions a day, he must
decline accepting hospitality in company with the man who has
caused it all! __
Mr. Marriott, M.P. (begged to escort Mr. Chamberlain), regrets
exceedingly that he is unable to accept the Lord Mayor’s kind
invitation, associated, as he would be, with one who, to the meanness
of a screw adds the sting of a wasp and the audacity of a Caucusian.
Mr. Bradlaugh, M.P. (asked to give his arm to Mr. Newdegate),
presents his compliments to the Lord Mayor, and very much regrets
that a previous engagement to lecture at the Hall of Science, Huggin
Lane, prevents him from accepting his most unexpected invitation to
dinner on April 1st; the more so, as he should have been glad of
the opportunity of convincing Mr. Newdegate of his error in sup-
posing that he was not perfectly ready to swallow any oath without
blinking. _
Mr. Parnell (required to convoy Mr. Forster), having consulted
the Members of that important Party of which he is the only acknow-
ledged leader, has received their instructions to decline, without
thanks, the invitation to dine at the Mansion House, in close
proximity to the cold-blooded Saxon who ruled his down-trodden
country with a rod of hot lead and cold steel, and left a name behind
him which they will Forster till that-glorious time when a Native
Parliament of calm, dignified, peace-loving representatives shall meei
on the shores of the beautiful Lift'ey.
Mr. Bass (paired with Sir Wilfrid Lawson), would have acceptea
the Lord Mayor’s invitation with very much pleasure if unaccom-
panied with the intimation of the name of his next neighbour on
the occasion. But to be seated next to a chaffing Teetotaller who
would be watching every draught he took, would make his Bitter
Ale bitter indeed, and make him as Mumm over his Champagne a.-
a Waiter. ___
Mr. Joseph Gillis Biggar, M.P. (allotted to Sir William
Yernon Harcourt), is somewhat surprised that the Lord Mayor
should think it possible that he could for one moment consent to put
his Irish legs under the same mahogany as that bitter foe to the
patriotic Irish Brigade, the Home Secretary, otherwise it would
have pleased his genial nature to have seen the conger eel that his
poor countrymen spurn with contempt, served up as a luxury to the
ignorant Saxon. __
Mr. James Firth Bottomley Firth, M.P. (attached to Sir Walter
Robert Carden), must decline the Lord Mayor’s invitation for the
1st of April, having an important Post Office engagement for that
day, which will pay better. Even were it not so, he should still think
that “ better is an humble chop and a baked tater in the Hall of the
Middle Temple, than doubtful turtle and high wenson at that 1 Shrine
of Gluttony,’ the Munchin’ House! ”