DOI Heft:
March 1, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0107
Mabch 1, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
101
i
spite of the Sargent-at-Harms, and in spite of all of us, we spent all
the mornin, and all the arternoon, in a-driilin ourselves reddy for
the hawful struggell with our tremenjus fo. Brown being a werry
powerfool spessemen of a Waiter, he played the part of the rebbel
Bradlaw, and we soon found,'arter a small amount of practise, and
a large amount of stimyoulent, that about a duzzen on us could
manage to drag him hout of the kitchin.
Wen the dredded moment arrived, we was all reddy, but all con-
sealed in a dark passej, a-waiting for the awful signel of a wissell—
“ and the beatin of hour hown Arts was all the sounds as _we herd,”
as the Poet says—but it never came ! and phansy my estordshment at
seeing our gygantick fo a-walking out into the loby to wote! a-
chattlng and a-larfin with Mr. Truthful Labbtshare as if he’d
a-bin a-cussing and a-swearin for ever so many ears, like the rest
on ’em. Seeing as it was all over, we beat a masterly retreat by the
back door, and set about our usual himportent dooties, feelin as we
had dun our dangerus tarsk like trew born Englishmen. pl0BEET
A DUKE ON COOKS.
“ What I desire to see is Cookery taught in the most ragged schools in the
most wretched quarters. ... I desire that the poor should have better
dinners, for the very simple reason that I want them to enjoy their dinners
more.”—Speech of the Duke of Albany in Liverpool.
Soothing is an egg and spinach,
Artisans would hail, no doubt,
Whitebait cooked like that at
Greenwich,
Turbot and the tender trout.
Let the workman tell his crony,
If to dinner he ’ll remain,
Timbale of the macaroni
Comes with “ Bouchees a la
Heine. ”
There’s much virtue in good
cooking,
As His Highness said that day,
Punch upon the subject looking,
Gives his verdict in this way:—
Prince, you spoke a word in season,
’Gainst uncleanly plates and
slops,
P>ut the workman cries with reason,
Teach me first to catch my chops !
WHAT IT MAY COME TO.
The following leading (or misleading) questions will probably be
addressed to Ministers by reticent patriots in the course of the next
few days:—
Lord it. Churchill. To ask the Prime Minister at once to
state, for the benefit of the False Prophet, all the instructions given
to General Gordon before his departure from England.
Mr. Sexton. To ask the Secretary for Ireland whether the Master
of the Ballinamueky Infant Schools recently advised the children
under his charge to “ aim high” in life, and whether the Govern-
ment intended to prosecute him under the Crimes Act for such a
shameless incitement to violence and murder ?
Mr. Ashmead-Bartlett. To inquire if the Government is aware
that Merv is called “ the roof of the world,” and whether it is not in
their opinion essential to the welfare of the Empire that anybody
meddling with the roof should have a good slating P
Several Hon. Members. To ask the Prime Minister to lay on
the table a shorthand reporter’s verbatim account of the proceedings
at the last Cabinet Council.
Sir W. Lawson. To ask if it is a fact that General Gordon has
ordered all Khartoum public-houses to be thrown open an hour after
the usual closing time, and whether orders will not be issued for his
immediate recall ?
Mr. A. Bartlett. To ask if the Ministry is aware that their
policy in Egypt has outraged the susceptibilities of Monaco ?
Mr. Healy. To call attention to the nefarious and malignant
nature of the Orangeman who publicly expressed his opinion that
the best thing Mr. Parnell could do with his tribute was to dis-
tribute it.
Better far than sums or gram-
mar,”
Quoth the Prince, or weary book,
For the man who wields a hammer,
Is the learning of the cook.
Teach his careful wife to make him
Ste ws in which his hear t delights;
Then be sure that naught will
take him
To the public-house at nights.
Let him taste all kinds of
fishes,
Cooked in appetising ways,
We shall find that dainty dishes
End all matrimonial frays.
Little wonder that poor men go
Out upon the “ spree ” to roam,
i When no chicken of Marengo
Greets them when they dine at
c. s. c.
IN MEMORIAM. C. S. CALVERLEY.
Author of “ Verses and Translations," “Fly Leaves,” “ Theocritus
Translated&c.
“ Quis cantare super Lycida neget ? ”
Gone, brilliant bard of limpid lays,
Which ponderous prosers twit as trifles !
Well, one may sport Pindaric bays,
Whilst one Parnassian flower-beds rifles.
In realms which know not prig or bore,
Who ’ll say which held in most respect are,
Deep draughts of sombre wisdom, or
Bright drops—(like thine)—of merum nectar ?
Small odds to those who freight the bark
Of the untiring Stygian ferryman,
Whether the owl outlive the lark,
Whether the Sage survive the Merryman.
But listeners by Thames or Cam
(Whatever taste beside the Styx is)
Enjoy thy tinkling epigram,
Thy lilt as light as trip of Pixies.
They may not, like the Laureate’s, lull,
Nor fire us like Tyrtsean ditties;
At least thy lays are never dull,
Carolled in fields or chirped in cities,
Piped by some new Theocritus,
Or warbled by some later Horace
They seem, though void of epic fuss
Which so impresses the Big Bore race.
“They ’re not ‘ great efforts,’ not at all,”
Quoth the quidnunc, severely. “ Ergo
They ’re nil.” Well, Leo may talk tall,
But give us “ Gemini and Yirgo.”
“ Hie vir, hie est ” brings greybeards cheer;
“ Sad memories ” to mirth incline us;
Those sly “ Spenserians ” about Beer,
Had won the praise of King Gambrinus.
How many votaries of “ the Weed,”
Toilers o’er life’s too leaden track, owe
Sweet midriff tickling to the reed
Which piped the praises of “ Tobacco ! ”
How many thralls of sap and cram,
Slaves of night-taper’s all too quick wick,
Have chortled over one Exam.
Immortal as its subject, Pickwick ! *
Well, well! omnivorous are the Shades ;
But seldom hath that Stygian Sculler
Oared o’er a gayer ghost than “ Blades,”
Whose transit leaves the dull world duller.
Kay, Pluto’s self on that sad shore,
Eyeing the cards which on his salver lie,
Might gladly hail the one which bore
The mirth-evoking name of Caxverlet !
* No one, not even an encyclopaedic philosopher, ought to require any
explanation of this allusion. But as none are so ignorant of really in-
teresting facts as your omniscient ones, we may mention (for their benefit
only) that the reference is to the ever memorable and eternally delightful
“Examination Paper” on The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club,
prepared by Mr. Calverley at Cambridge in 1857. The following extracts
will give some idea of this immortal composition:—
No. 4. What operation was performed on Tom Smart’s chair ? Who little
thinks that in which pocket, of what garment, in where, he has left what,
entreating him to return to whom, with how many what, and all how Mg ?
No. 12. “ Any think for air and exercise ; as the werj old donkey observed
ven they voke him up from his death-bed to carry ten gen’lmen to Greenvich
in a tax-cart.” Illustrate this by stating any remark recorded in the Pick-
wick Papers to have been made by a (previously) dumb animal, with the
circumstances under which he made it.
No. 20. Write down the chorus to each verse of Mr. S. Weller's song, and
a sketch of the mottle-faced man’s excursus on it. Is there any ground for i
conjecturing that he (Sam) had more brothers than one ?
Any much-to-be-pitied Grand Panjandrum of Useless Knowledge who doesnot :
know this delightful/ew d’esprit by heart is recommended to lose no time in recti-
fying that fatal deficiency. It may be found at the end of Ply Leaves. The prizes
in this memorable competition were, we believe, taken by Mr. (now Professor)
Skeat and Mr. Walter Besant. Those gentlemen no doubt rank this among
their highest honours, and their victory should he immortalised—as it is here!
We read in tfie Times of February 19th that the Prince of Wales
visited some of the poorest and worst courts of St. Pancras and
Holborn. H.R.H. observed to Lord Carrington that “he had
never seen anything like it, not even with his experience of all the
Courts of Europe.”
“Better Late than Never.”—The Ministry, by sending out
troops, have, in compliance with the wishes of the country, changed
their policy all of a Soudan.
Parallel to “Peace with Honour.”—Capitulation with Credit.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
101
i
spite of the Sargent-at-Harms, and in spite of all of us, we spent all
the mornin, and all the arternoon, in a-driilin ourselves reddy for
the hawful struggell with our tremenjus fo. Brown being a werry
powerfool spessemen of a Waiter, he played the part of the rebbel
Bradlaw, and we soon found,'arter a small amount of practise, and
a large amount of stimyoulent, that about a duzzen on us could
manage to drag him hout of the kitchin.
Wen the dredded moment arrived, we was all reddy, but all con-
sealed in a dark passej, a-waiting for the awful signel of a wissell—
“ and the beatin of hour hown Arts was all the sounds as _we herd,”
as the Poet says—but it never came ! and phansy my estordshment at
seeing our gygantick fo a-walking out into the loby to wote! a-
chattlng and a-larfin with Mr. Truthful Labbtshare as if he’d
a-bin a-cussing and a-swearin for ever so many ears, like the rest
on ’em. Seeing as it was all over, we beat a masterly retreat by the
back door, and set about our usual himportent dooties, feelin as we
had dun our dangerus tarsk like trew born Englishmen. pl0BEET
A DUKE ON COOKS.
“ What I desire to see is Cookery taught in the most ragged schools in the
most wretched quarters. ... I desire that the poor should have better
dinners, for the very simple reason that I want them to enjoy their dinners
more.”—Speech of the Duke of Albany in Liverpool.
Soothing is an egg and spinach,
Artisans would hail, no doubt,
Whitebait cooked like that at
Greenwich,
Turbot and the tender trout.
Let the workman tell his crony,
If to dinner he ’ll remain,
Timbale of the macaroni
Comes with “ Bouchees a la
Heine. ”
There’s much virtue in good
cooking,
As His Highness said that day,
Punch upon the subject looking,
Gives his verdict in this way:—
Prince, you spoke a word in season,
’Gainst uncleanly plates and
slops,
P>ut the workman cries with reason,
Teach me first to catch my chops !
WHAT IT MAY COME TO.
The following leading (or misleading) questions will probably be
addressed to Ministers by reticent patriots in the course of the next
few days:—
Lord it. Churchill. To ask the Prime Minister at once to
state, for the benefit of the False Prophet, all the instructions given
to General Gordon before his departure from England.
Mr. Sexton. To ask the Secretary for Ireland whether the Master
of the Ballinamueky Infant Schools recently advised the children
under his charge to “ aim high” in life, and whether the Govern-
ment intended to prosecute him under the Crimes Act for such a
shameless incitement to violence and murder ?
Mr. Ashmead-Bartlett. To inquire if the Government is aware
that Merv is called “ the roof of the world,” and whether it is not in
their opinion essential to the welfare of the Empire that anybody
meddling with the roof should have a good slating P
Several Hon. Members. To ask the Prime Minister to lay on
the table a shorthand reporter’s verbatim account of the proceedings
at the last Cabinet Council.
Sir W. Lawson. To ask if it is a fact that General Gordon has
ordered all Khartoum public-houses to be thrown open an hour after
the usual closing time, and whether orders will not be issued for his
immediate recall ?
Mr. A. Bartlett. To ask if the Ministry is aware that their
policy in Egypt has outraged the susceptibilities of Monaco ?
Mr. Healy. To call attention to the nefarious and malignant
nature of the Orangeman who publicly expressed his opinion that
the best thing Mr. Parnell could do with his tribute was to dis-
tribute it.
Better far than sums or gram-
mar,”
Quoth the Prince, or weary book,
For the man who wields a hammer,
Is the learning of the cook.
Teach his careful wife to make him
Ste ws in which his hear t delights;
Then be sure that naught will
take him
To the public-house at nights.
Let him taste all kinds of
fishes,
Cooked in appetising ways,
We shall find that dainty dishes
End all matrimonial frays.
Little wonder that poor men go
Out upon the “ spree ” to roam,
i When no chicken of Marengo
Greets them when they dine at
c. s. c.
IN MEMORIAM. C. S. CALVERLEY.
Author of “ Verses and Translations," “Fly Leaves,” “ Theocritus
Translated&c.
“ Quis cantare super Lycida neget ? ”
Gone, brilliant bard of limpid lays,
Which ponderous prosers twit as trifles !
Well, one may sport Pindaric bays,
Whilst one Parnassian flower-beds rifles.
In realms which know not prig or bore,
Who ’ll say which held in most respect are,
Deep draughts of sombre wisdom, or
Bright drops—(like thine)—of merum nectar ?
Small odds to those who freight the bark
Of the untiring Stygian ferryman,
Whether the owl outlive the lark,
Whether the Sage survive the Merryman.
But listeners by Thames or Cam
(Whatever taste beside the Styx is)
Enjoy thy tinkling epigram,
Thy lilt as light as trip of Pixies.
They may not, like the Laureate’s, lull,
Nor fire us like Tyrtsean ditties;
At least thy lays are never dull,
Carolled in fields or chirped in cities,
Piped by some new Theocritus,
Or warbled by some later Horace
They seem, though void of epic fuss
Which so impresses the Big Bore race.
“They ’re not ‘ great efforts,’ not at all,”
Quoth the quidnunc, severely. “ Ergo
They ’re nil.” Well, Leo may talk tall,
But give us “ Gemini and Yirgo.”
“ Hie vir, hie est ” brings greybeards cheer;
“ Sad memories ” to mirth incline us;
Those sly “ Spenserians ” about Beer,
Had won the praise of King Gambrinus.
How many votaries of “ the Weed,”
Toilers o’er life’s too leaden track, owe
Sweet midriff tickling to the reed
Which piped the praises of “ Tobacco ! ”
How many thralls of sap and cram,
Slaves of night-taper’s all too quick wick,
Have chortled over one Exam.
Immortal as its subject, Pickwick ! *
Well, well! omnivorous are the Shades ;
But seldom hath that Stygian Sculler
Oared o’er a gayer ghost than “ Blades,”
Whose transit leaves the dull world duller.
Kay, Pluto’s self on that sad shore,
Eyeing the cards which on his salver lie,
Might gladly hail the one which bore
The mirth-evoking name of Caxverlet !
* No one, not even an encyclopaedic philosopher, ought to require any
explanation of this allusion. But as none are so ignorant of really in-
teresting facts as your omniscient ones, we may mention (for their benefit
only) that the reference is to the ever memorable and eternally delightful
“Examination Paper” on The Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club,
prepared by Mr. Calverley at Cambridge in 1857. The following extracts
will give some idea of this immortal composition:—
No. 4. What operation was performed on Tom Smart’s chair ? Who little
thinks that in which pocket, of what garment, in where, he has left what,
entreating him to return to whom, with how many what, and all how Mg ?
No. 12. “ Any think for air and exercise ; as the werj old donkey observed
ven they voke him up from his death-bed to carry ten gen’lmen to Greenvich
in a tax-cart.” Illustrate this by stating any remark recorded in the Pick-
wick Papers to have been made by a (previously) dumb animal, with the
circumstances under which he made it.
No. 20. Write down the chorus to each verse of Mr. S. Weller's song, and
a sketch of the mottle-faced man’s excursus on it. Is there any ground for i
conjecturing that he (Sam) had more brothers than one ?
Any much-to-be-pitied Grand Panjandrum of Useless Knowledge who doesnot :
know this delightful/ew d’esprit by heart is recommended to lose no time in recti-
fying that fatal deficiency. It may be found at the end of Ply Leaves. The prizes
in this memorable competition were, we believe, taken by Mr. (now Professor)
Skeat and Mr. Walter Besant. Those gentlemen no doubt rank this among
their highest honours, and their victory should he immortalised—as it is here!
We read in tfie Times of February 19th that the Prince of Wales
visited some of the poorest and worst courts of St. Pancras and
Holborn. H.R.H. observed to Lord Carrington that “he had
never seen anything like it, not even with his experience of all the
Courts of Europe.”
“Better Late than Never.”—The Ministry, by sending out
troops, have, in compliance with the wishes of the country, changed
their policy all of a Soudan.
Parallel to “Peace with Honour.”—Capitulation with Credit.