DOI issue:
March 8, 1884
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0119
March 8, 1884.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
PITY THE POOR BALL!
The following thrilling Letters, as a further contribution to the
newspaper correspondence on the subject of “the merits of Foot-
ball as a national game,” will be read with some eagerness by
nervous mothers, surgical instrument makers, and all those who have
of late been watching the course of this entertaining controversy
with anxiety and interest
Sir,—I have read the letter of your Correspondent who^signs him-
self “ Ore who has hitherto Received many more Kicks than
Halfpence,” and I can only say, that he appears to me thoroughly
to have deserved all that he has got for his pains. To go into this
line manly game padded with “ a feather-bolster strapped firmly to
the front of each leg, from the ankle to the hip ” (sic), is enough to
rouse the ire of any old “ back” alive ; and, speaking for myself, I
should certainly, as the rest of the opposing team seem to have done,
have left the ball alone, and, if possible, have set your Correspondent
himself spinning in all directions across the ground. The sooner
such players are kicked fairly home, the better it will be for those
who, like your obedient servant, is happy to subscribe himself,
Fifteen Stone in his Boots.
Sir,—My reply to the stupid, bloodthirsty, and ribald rejoinder of
a “ Raw Rugby Recruit ” is the following extract, cut from the
Sporting Intelligence column of a provincial paper. It speaks for
itself: —
Gorham Athletic Club v. Limping Rovers.—These Rugby
Union teams met yesterday in the Club grounds. The turf was
extremely heavy, but this did not interfere with the fast and furious
play that was naturally looked for by the respective backers of these
two celebrated “ mauling” lots. There was a large attendance on
the grounds, and the Hospital Tent, with its cheery surgical trap-
pings added materially to the liveliness of the scene. The Club
having lost the toss, sent the ball cleverly rolling towards the ditch,
where a little scrimmage occurring, their opponents, who had a few
legs broken in the set-off, were forced to touch down five-and-twenty
times running in self-defence. After this, positions were slightly
reversed, and Brown, making a clever run with the ball to the
opposite end of the field, a rather hot “maul” followed, in which
both teams, amid the sound of tearing flesh, cracking ribs, and dis-
located joints, rolled over and over rather heavily towards the near
goal, under the impression they were taking the ball along with
them. Jones, creeping out of the struggling holocaust, now nearly
gained a try for the Rovers, but was quickly tackled by Robinson
and Jenkins, who, by some excellent free play, managed to fracture
his jaw and break one of his ankles, and so give the Club a good
chance. Although the match was then stubbornly contested by what
was left of the contending teams, “no side” was called, and the
Hospital Tent being full, and the Ball reduced to an unrecognisable
pulp, the game was declared drawn.
Upon this picture, so familiar to all who are in the habit of wit-
nessing what is termed “ a game at Football,” I make no comment.
But I ask, Sir, in the name of all that is English, whether such an
account as the above is pleasant reading for one who, like myself,
has sent all his boys in turn to a great Public School, with the injunc-
tion to c*ch “ to be manly,” and. has now, as a consequence, much
to his annoyance, to subscribe himself permanently,
The Father of Five on Crutches.
Sir,—I am one of those who, though wishing earnestly to see our
freat national pastimes kept up, would not only not suffer them to
egenerate into a degrading and brutal carnage, but even free them
from the reproach of that rough and rude horse-play, which, while
it inflicts serious mischief on the delicately organised physique of the
highly strung and timid, debases the moral nature of those who have
any share or part in its pursuit. Football, as I understand it, should
be played not with the foot at all, but by the hand. Satin tights
and dancing-pumps should take the place of savage stockings and
hangman’s boots, while the ball itself should no longer be a horrid
and pachydermatous inflated monstrosity, but a light, airy, gaily-
coloured, and scented bladder, which the touch of a beautifully
gloved hand should propel above the heads of the tripping teams
beneath. Iso struggle, no rush, no “maul” should desecrate the
elegant game, from which even a chance contact should eject the
clumsy and ill-mannered player. I have seen football, real football,
of this kind, played with grace and elan by the students of the
Lycees, in the South of France, and I can testify to the genuine
amusement, interest, and astonishment wdth which, only the other
day, I noted that a Rugby boy, who happened to be looking on at
one of these harmless contests, appeared to be regarding the game.
Trusting that, by the publication of this letter, you will help to
! induce our great Football Clubs to reform their rules, and so purge
1 and improve a great national pastime,
I am, your obedient Servant,
I Robustus.
113
Sir,—There’s a good deal, it seems to me, to be said, specially as
regards the Rugby game, on both sides of the question; hut, mean-
time, isn’t it possible to aevise a set of rules that shall just hit the
right nail on the head, and give a fellow a free chance of a fine hit of
healthy and hearty outdoor exercise, without obliging him to run the
risk even of a badlv-damaged rib ? A little more skill, Sir, and a
little less of sheer brute-force ? At least, that is about what seems
to be wanted to set matters quite square, and make them satisfy
__ Common Sense, i
SALVINI.
To show the living shapes our Shakspeare drew
In the large spirit of the Master—this
Is triumph. Even envy’s little hiss
Is silent; and the simple courtesy due
To Genius as a guest becomes in sooth
Warm and admiring tribute in the mouth
Of friends assured. He brings us from the South
A fiery energy and massive truth
Unmatched, and with sonorous strength draws forth
Impetuous welcome from our chillier North.
A Wandering- Minstrel.
The Moore and Burgess Minstrels are usually supposed to “ never
perform out of London.” Their leading spirit, however, performed
the other day at the Lillie Bridge Grounds, when Mr. G. W. Moore
came off the victor in a walking-match with Mr. Alfred Steel.
The latter gentleman was unable to steal a march on his opponent.
Mr. Moore used his muscles as skilfully and as persistently as he
plies his bones at St. James’s Hall, and won by two laps and
eighty yards, amid enthusiastic shouts of “ The Moore the merrier! ”
and “ Vive le Moore ! ” A large number of Burgesses attended in
their gowns and chains of office.
Mr. Henry Irving has been elected a member of the Reform
Club. It was said he intended standing for Parliament. Had he
not telegraphed to contradict the report, he would have, of course,
represented one of the Tower Hamlets.
Our Egyptian Policy (Latest Edition).—Egypt for the English.
A CAUTION TO CHURCH-GOERS DURING LENT.
Entrance. seat.
Yol. SG.
4—2
PITY THE POOR BALL!
The following thrilling Letters, as a further contribution to the
newspaper correspondence on the subject of “the merits of Foot-
ball as a national game,” will be read with some eagerness by
nervous mothers, surgical instrument makers, and all those who have
of late been watching the course of this entertaining controversy
with anxiety and interest
Sir,—I have read the letter of your Correspondent who^signs him-
self “ Ore who has hitherto Received many more Kicks than
Halfpence,” and I can only say, that he appears to me thoroughly
to have deserved all that he has got for his pains. To go into this
line manly game padded with “ a feather-bolster strapped firmly to
the front of each leg, from the ankle to the hip ” (sic), is enough to
rouse the ire of any old “ back” alive ; and, speaking for myself, I
should certainly, as the rest of the opposing team seem to have done,
have left the ball alone, and, if possible, have set your Correspondent
himself spinning in all directions across the ground. The sooner
such players are kicked fairly home, the better it will be for those
who, like your obedient servant, is happy to subscribe himself,
Fifteen Stone in his Boots.
Sir,—My reply to the stupid, bloodthirsty, and ribald rejoinder of
a “ Raw Rugby Recruit ” is the following extract, cut from the
Sporting Intelligence column of a provincial paper. It speaks for
itself: —
Gorham Athletic Club v. Limping Rovers.—These Rugby
Union teams met yesterday in the Club grounds. The turf was
extremely heavy, but this did not interfere with the fast and furious
play that was naturally looked for by the respective backers of these
two celebrated “ mauling” lots. There was a large attendance on
the grounds, and the Hospital Tent, with its cheery surgical trap-
pings added materially to the liveliness of the scene. The Club
having lost the toss, sent the ball cleverly rolling towards the ditch,
where a little scrimmage occurring, their opponents, who had a few
legs broken in the set-off, were forced to touch down five-and-twenty
times running in self-defence. After this, positions were slightly
reversed, and Brown, making a clever run with the ball to the
opposite end of the field, a rather hot “maul” followed, in which
both teams, amid the sound of tearing flesh, cracking ribs, and dis-
located joints, rolled over and over rather heavily towards the near
goal, under the impression they were taking the ball along with
them. Jones, creeping out of the struggling holocaust, now nearly
gained a try for the Rovers, but was quickly tackled by Robinson
and Jenkins, who, by some excellent free play, managed to fracture
his jaw and break one of his ankles, and so give the Club a good
chance. Although the match was then stubbornly contested by what
was left of the contending teams, “no side” was called, and the
Hospital Tent being full, and the Ball reduced to an unrecognisable
pulp, the game was declared drawn.
Upon this picture, so familiar to all who are in the habit of wit-
nessing what is termed “ a game at Football,” I make no comment.
But I ask, Sir, in the name of all that is English, whether such an
account as the above is pleasant reading for one who, like myself,
has sent all his boys in turn to a great Public School, with the injunc-
tion to c*ch “ to be manly,” and. has now, as a consequence, much
to his annoyance, to subscribe himself permanently,
The Father of Five on Crutches.
Sir,—I am one of those who, though wishing earnestly to see our
freat national pastimes kept up, would not only not suffer them to
egenerate into a degrading and brutal carnage, but even free them
from the reproach of that rough and rude horse-play, which, while
it inflicts serious mischief on the delicately organised physique of the
highly strung and timid, debases the moral nature of those who have
any share or part in its pursuit. Football, as I understand it, should
be played not with the foot at all, but by the hand. Satin tights
and dancing-pumps should take the place of savage stockings and
hangman’s boots, while the ball itself should no longer be a horrid
and pachydermatous inflated monstrosity, but a light, airy, gaily-
coloured, and scented bladder, which the touch of a beautifully
gloved hand should propel above the heads of the tripping teams
beneath. Iso struggle, no rush, no “maul” should desecrate the
elegant game, from which even a chance contact should eject the
clumsy and ill-mannered player. I have seen football, real football,
of this kind, played with grace and elan by the students of the
Lycees, in the South of France, and I can testify to the genuine
amusement, interest, and astonishment wdth which, only the other
day, I noted that a Rugby boy, who happened to be looking on at
one of these harmless contests, appeared to be regarding the game.
Trusting that, by the publication of this letter, you will help to
! induce our great Football Clubs to reform their rules, and so purge
1 and improve a great national pastime,
I am, your obedient Servant,
I Robustus.
113
Sir,—There’s a good deal, it seems to me, to be said, specially as
regards the Rugby game, on both sides of the question; hut, mean-
time, isn’t it possible to aevise a set of rules that shall just hit the
right nail on the head, and give a fellow a free chance of a fine hit of
healthy and hearty outdoor exercise, without obliging him to run the
risk even of a badlv-damaged rib ? A little more skill, Sir, and a
little less of sheer brute-force ? At least, that is about what seems
to be wanted to set matters quite square, and make them satisfy
__ Common Sense, i
SALVINI.
To show the living shapes our Shakspeare drew
In the large spirit of the Master—this
Is triumph. Even envy’s little hiss
Is silent; and the simple courtesy due
To Genius as a guest becomes in sooth
Warm and admiring tribute in the mouth
Of friends assured. He brings us from the South
A fiery energy and massive truth
Unmatched, and with sonorous strength draws forth
Impetuous welcome from our chillier North.
A Wandering- Minstrel.
The Moore and Burgess Minstrels are usually supposed to “ never
perform out of London.” Their leading spirit, however, performed
the other day at the Lillie Bridge Grounds, when Mr. G. W. Moore
came off the victor in a walking-match with Mr. Alfred Steel.
The latter gentleman was unable to steal a march on his opponent.
Mr. Moore used his muscles as skilfully and as persistently as he
plies his bones at St. James’s Hall, and won by two laps and
eighty yards, amid enthusiastic shouts of “ The Moore the merrier! ”
and “ Vive le Moore ! ” A large number of Burgesses attended in
their gowns and chains of office.
Mr. Henry Irving has been elected a member of the Reform
Club. It was said he intended standing for Parliament. Had he
not telegraphed to contradict the report, he would have, of course,
represented one of the Tower Hamlets.
Our Egyptian Policy (Latest Edition).—Egypt for the English.
A CAUTION TO CHURCH-GOERS DURING LENT.
Entrance. seat.
Yol. SG.
4—2