Punch (86.1884)

March 8, 1884.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

m

WANT OF FINISH,

j

j “I SHALL REALLY HAVE TO PART WITH YOU, SUSAN. YOU’RE SO SKETCHY

ik your Dusting ! ”

PRINTING PRESS-CRIP

Scene—A Cabinet Council in Dozening Street.

First Lord of the Treasury (speaking from under a
pile of periodicals). Now that we have disposed of the
principal business that has come before us-

President of the Board of Trade. With the assist-
ance of the morning journals.

First Lord of the Treasury. Thank you, Joseph—
as you say, with the assistance of the morning journals—
we can turn our attention to minor matters. I think,
Hastington, you said that you wished to change the
colour of the uniform of the Army from red to grey ?

Secretary for War. Well, yes, I did. Fact was I
thought that drab would be more serviceable and less
observed by the enemy than scarlet. But have changed
my mind. Fact is the Bag Register and Military
Obsert'er says changing colour from red will send the
Service to the-

First Lord of the Treasury {interrupting.) Hem!
And you, Spencer, didn’t you say something at our last
meeting about allowing your poor Irishmen to purchase
potato-seed at less than cost price ?

Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. Yes, I did. (Regret-

fully.) And really the idea (which was very popular on
the other side of the Channel) seemed feasible enough.
We were to get our potato-seed from the Colonies at an
; enormous reduction. However, I had to change my mind
| —that influential weekly, the Covent Gardener, objected
to the scheme on the score that it wxould clash with the
j interests of some West-End Tradesmen.

First Lord of the Treasury {convinced). Dear, dear,
that seems a pity! (After a pause.) But I suppose we
must bow to the wishes of the Press! Then, North-
| brook, what was it that you were saying about electric
torpedo-boats it

First Lord of the Admiralty [with resignation). Oh,
nothing! I had to abandon the idea because the Man-o'-
War and Navy Protector threw cold w7ater upon it.

First Lord of the Treasury {encouragingly). Well, well,
we must remember that the Fourth Estate is—in fact,
the Fourth Estate ! Then, how about the other notions ?
(A silence.) I distinctly remember that you all had ideas.
How, tell me—What are you waiting for ? Have you
to consult anybody ?

Chorus of Ministers {with wonderful unanimity).
Yes — the papers ! {Scene closes in upon—Governmental
Responsibility and Reed Statesmanship.)

GIRL GYMNASTS.

[Dr. Frances IIoggan writes to the Standard strongly advocating gym-
nastics for girls.]

Let the Ladies learn gymnastics, if they please, as well as men,
Alternating feats athletic with the pencil and the pen;

They’ll improve too pale complexions, and their eyes will shine as
stars,

After practice on the ladders and the horizontal bars.

I Rounded shoulders, slouching gait, and also haply crooked spines,
By gymnastic exercises shall grow straight as mountain pines ;

! Let the girls then learn athletics who in Town are apt to droop,

I Careful drill will make them upright and eradicate the stoop.

We should educate the muscles as we ever try to train,

By severe examinations, many a weary little brain ;

We ’ll improve the dainty deltoid and the flexors of the arm,

While the shapely gastrocnemii shall obtain an added charm.

Muscular shall he our children as the heroines of Reade,

And like Scott’s moss-trooper hero, they shall all be ‘ ‘ good at need; ”
Having taken boxing lessons, ill-used wives will turn like worms,
While the brutal British husband pusillanimouoly “ squirms.”

Mrs. Ramsbotham was very much troubled about her Nephew at
College. “I am very much afraid,” she said, “that he is not
seriously studying, as he writes to say that his whole time is given
to working out Comic Sections.”

“Mr. Willing’s Choir.”—Till he read of its giving a Concert at
St. James’s Hall, Mr. P. Simple thought that “ Willing’s Quire ”
consisted of twenty-four sheet bill-posters.

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The trait that seems to us to be the most prominent in Her Gracious
Majesty's Book is the Tea-tray. The Royal Party seems to have
been a perpetual Royal Tea-party.

“ The Queen’s Pages ”—those in her recent Volume.

Hope Scott’s Memoirs are most interesting; but, just as in Her
Gracious Majesty’s Notes, where, what the public would most like
to learn is omitted, thus making the entire volume little more than
a developed Court Circular, so, here, just the very turning-point of
Hope Scott’s career is passed over, not in silence, hut with an irri-
tatingly mysterious reference. The biographer says (p. 86, Yol. I.),

J ‘ ‘ He sustained a great disappointment, which led to his giving up
all idea of adopting the clerical life. It is unnecessary to enter into
i particulars.” The interested public also “sustain a great disap-
pointment” by this xwovoking kind of reticence, which says too
much without telling us enough. We are thinking of trying a few
biograt)hies of eminent individuals on this irritating xdan.

The Bishop of St. Alban’s conduct in the case of old Mr. Hobson
was rather trap “ Fort.” The Bishox) and Mr. Fort had to be in-
formed by the Attorney-General that Mr. Hobson had married
his Deceased Wife’s Sister previous to the passing of Lord Lynd-
hurst’s Act, and that, therefore, the Bishop and the Yicar had no
legal, and, for that matter, no moral right, to object to “Hobson’s
Choice.” The sooner Lord Lyndhurst’s unnecessary Act is repealed
the better.

Literature is looking up. Her Gracious Majesty Queen Victoria
is a poxmlar Authoress, and His Holiness Pope Leo the Thirteenth
is a x>ublishing Poet. Of course he is not the first Pope who has been
a Poet. We had an English one.