DOI Heft:
April 5, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0173
April 5 1*^4.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
167
PAi&M&mKM’mR.y riws n&7:kii±wq rt^ iwrm
SSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday Night, March 24.—Debate on Fran-
chise Bill opened by Lord John Manners. Most ladylike speech.
Full of italics, notes of admiration, and several postscripts, con-
cluding' by Greek quotation done into English, imploring House, if
they must kill him, might he ask that he should at least see his fate,
and die in the open face of day ?
Lord Fitzmatjrice soothed to sleep by Manners’s manner. "Woke
up just in time to hear the peroration. Rising hurriedly, and rubbing
his eyes, he said, “ Perhaps the Noble Lord will give notice of that
question.”
John Bright sitting in old corner-seat below Gangway, ready for
another tussle with opponents of Parliamentary Preform. House
tilled up to hear him. Curious to see him sitting there as nervous as
if the clock had been put back forty years, and he were about to
make rnaiden speech. Face Hushed, lips dry, and hand fitfully
clutching at paper. Liberals gave him good hearty cheer when oil
his legs. This seemed to do him good, but he faltered through open-
ing sentences. These bore directly upon Lord John’s speech, and
proved to be the best part of his oration. On the whole, a woeful
falling off from old times. As positive as ever, but so pointless!
Once protested that he “ could not turn his back on himself,” but
goes back on himself in pitiful poverty-stricken way. The Cave,
long ago worn out, brought on Stage again ; also the quotation from
himself about the alternative of Ireland being unmoored and set
again in the sea two thousand miles to Westward.
House listened respectfully but not without sorrowful disappoint-
ment, and as dinner-time came, Members, whom Gladstone on same
subject held in thrall till the soup was cold and fish spoiled, openly
dropped off in twos and threes. Fact is, there is no fight in the
business.. Conservatives don’t dare meet Reform Bill with negative.
Go blowing on it harmless side wind that means nothing. House
naturally depressed on threshold of six nights’ talk leading up to
inevitable and unalterable conclusion.
Best speech of night Jemmy Lowther’s. James not to be tied
and bound down by political exigences. Never liked Reform.
Doesn’t like it now., and no kicking-strap will keep his heels off the
splash-board. Having something definite to say, he says it; perhaps
not always accurately but vigorously, and with contagious cheerful-
ness. No racing in false colours for James. No pulling on the course.
Ge runs straight both at Newmarket and Westminster, and the
people he runs up against don’t like him the less for it.
Business done.—First night’s debate on Franchise Bill.
Tuesday.—Another day absolutely wasted. Randolph came up
fresh with old inquiry, “What’s your policy in Egypt?” This
goes on till Five. Then Cattle Plague Bill on. Speeches made by
friends of the Bill up to almost last moment, when Joseph Gillis
stepped in, and blandly talked Bill out. Pretty plain to me country
won’t stand this much longer. If House doesn’t dissolve itself, will
be done for them. Shall have, instead of Pride’s Purge, the People’s
Purge. Been getting my Election Address ready. Here’s the first
draft:—
“To the Electors of Barks.—Gentlemen, when I first solicited
your suffrages, I followed long-established, usage, describing my
political principles and alluding to questions of the day. But oter
tong oter merce, as they say on le Continong. The old times when
the House of Commons was a political assembly governed by rules of
conduct acceptable among Gentlemen are gone by, and learning,
culture, and eloquence are no longer of account. I move with the
times, and I trust I shall feel equal to their present requirements.
“ Whilst, Gentlemen, I therefore say nothing on political questions,
I assure you that my health is good, my voice unimpaired, and as to
considerations of what is due to public service and to the dignity of
the House, I have carefully eliminated them. I can sit up all night
without any refreshment save of a liquid nature, and I am good for
howling through the following day if necessary. I will make alliances
with any political party in the House in order to worry the Govern-
ment. I will load the paper with questions of which I am careful to
give oral notice, reading out every word. When a Minister answers,
I wrangle with him and finally give notice to repeat the question
on another day. All of -which you will perceive takes up time and
prevents business being done. When a Bill is before the House on a
Wednesday, or at a Morning Sitting, and some hours’ Debate has
taken place, I come in at the last moment and talk it out, causing the
whole sitting to go for nothing. I move the adjournment of the House
in order to ask the Government who is responsible for Osman Digna’s
hair being cut. I bawl interruptions when Mr. Gladstone is on his
feet, which irritates him and leads to a scene.
‘ ‘ In short, whilst originally I went to Parliament to help to get busi-
ness done, I now ask your suffrages in order that I may be returned
to prevent its accomplishment. What is now wanted as a proper
recommendation for a Member of Parliament is a cast-iron constitu-
tion and a thorough contempt for the old traditions of Parliamentary
life. These, Gentlemen, are mine, and I am yours to command,
“Toby.”
Fancy that ’ll fetch ’em.
Wednesday.—Been quite in the nursery line to-day. Warton
got on his Patent Medicines Bill, and Bryce his Infants (in Arms)
Bill. This last a useful practical measure, in striking contrast with
many crotchets House asked to consider. Clause One makes it a
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
167
PAi&M&mKM’mR.y riws n&7:kii±wq rt^ iwrm
SSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday Night, March 24.—Debate on Fran-
chise Bill opened by Lord John Manners. Most ladylike speech.
Full of italics, notes of admiration, and several postscripts, con-
cluding' by Greek quotation done into English, imploring House, if
they must kill him, might he ask that he should at least see his fate,
and die in the open face of day ?
Lord Fitzmatjrice soothed to sleep by Manners’s manner. "Woke
up just in time to hear the peroration. Rising hurriedly, and rubbing
his eyes, he said, “ Perhaps the Noble Lord will give notice of that
question.”
John Bright sitting in old corner-seat below Gangway, ready for
another tussle with opponents of Parliamentary Preform. House
tilled up to hear him. Curious to see him sitting there as nervous as
if the clock had been put back forty years, and he were about to
make rnaiden speech. Face Hushed, lips dry, and hand fitfully
clutching at paper. Liberals gave him good hearty cheer when oil
his legs. This seemed to do him good, but he faltered through open-
ing sentences. These bore directly upon Lord John’s speech, and
proved to be the best part of his oration. On the whole, a woeful
falling off from old times. As positive as ever, but so pointless!
Once protested that he “ could not turn his back on himself,” but
goes back on himself in pitiful poverty-stricken way. The Cave,
long ago worn out, brought on Stage again ; also the quotation from
himself about the alternative of Ireland being unmoored and set
again in the sea two thousand miles to Westward.
House listened respectfully but not without sorrowful disappoint-
ment, and as dinner-time came, Members, whom Gladstone on same
subject held in thrall till the soup was cold and fish spoiled, openly
dropped off in twos and threes. Fact is, there is no fight in the
business.. Conservatives don’t dare meet Reform Bill with negative.
Go blowing on it harmless side wind that means nothing. House
naturally depressed on threshold of six nights’ talk leading up to
inevitable and unalterable conclusion.
Best speech of night Jemmy Lowther’s. James not to be tied
and bound down by political exigences. Never liked Reform.
Doesn’t like it now., and no kicking-strap will keep his heels off the
splash-board. Having something definite to say, he says it; perhaps
not always accurately but vigorously, and with contagious cheerful-
ness. No racing in false colours for James. No pulling on the course.
Ge runs straight both at Newmarket and Westminster, and the
people he runs up against don’t like him the less for it.
Business done.—First night’s debate on Franchise Bill.
Tuesday.—Another day absolutely wasted. Randolph came up
fresh with old inquiry, “What’s your policy in Egypt?” This
goes on till Five. Then Cattle Plague Bill on. Speeches made by
friends of the Bill up to almost last moment, when Joseph Gillis
stepped in, and blandly talked Bill out. Pretty plain to me country
won’t stand this much longer. If House doesn’t dissolve itself, will
be done for them. Shall have, instead of Pride’s Purge, the People’s
Purge. Been getting my Election Address ready. Here’s the first
draft:—
“To the Electors of Barks.—Gentlemen, when I first solicited
your suffrages, I followed long-established, usage, describing my
political principles and alluding to questions of the day. But oter
tong oter merce, as they say on le Continong. The old times when
the House of Commons was a political assembly governed by rules of
conduct acceptable among Gentlemen are gone by, and learning,
culture, and eloquence are no longer of account. I move with the
times, and I trust I shall feel equal to their present requirements.
“ Whilst, Gentlemen, I therefore say nothing on political questions,
I assure you that my health is good, my voice unimpaired, and as to
considerations of what is due to public service and to the dignity of
the House, I have carefully eliminated them. I can sit up all night
without any refreshment save of a liquid nature, and I am good for
howling through the following day if necessary. I will make alliances
with any political party in the House in order to worry the Govern-
ment. I will load the paper with questions of which I am careful to
give oral notice, reading out every word. When a Minister answers,
I wrangle with him and finally give notice to repeat the question
on another day. All of -which you will perceive takes up time and
prevents business being done. When a Bill is before the House on a
Wednesday, or at a Morning Sitting, and some hours’ Debate has
taken place, I come in at the last moment and talk it out, causing the
whole sitting to go for nothing. I move the adjournment of the House
in order to ask the Government who is responsible for Osman Digna’s
hair being cut. I bawl interruptions when Mr. Gladstone is on his
feet, which irritates him and leads to a scene.
‘ ‘ In short, whilst originally I went to Parliament to help to get busi-
ness done, I now ask your suffrages in order that I may be returned
to prevent its accomplishment. What is now wanted as a proper
recommendation for a Member of Parliament is a cast-iron constitu-
tion and a thorough contempt for the old traditions of Parliamentary
life. These, Gentlemen, are mine, and I am yours to command,
“Toby.”
Fancy that ’ll fetch ’em.
Wednesday.—Been quite in the nursery line to-day. Warton
got on his Patent Medicines Bill, and Bryce his Infants (in Arms)
Bill. This last a useful practical measure, in striking contrast with
many crotchets House asked to consider. Clause One makes it a