DOI issue:
April 19, 1884
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0191
April 19, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
185
“LOOK UPON THIS PICTURE AND ON THIS.”
Shakspeare (abridged).
(A Sunday Institution under two Aspects.)
First Aspect—Inside the Stud to.—Apartment equally suggestive
of a church, a ball-room, and a costumier's shop, filled with a
crowd of Visitors. Pictures intended for the Royal Academy
displayed to advantage. Buzz of polite conversation.
Genial Visitor (to Group of Acquaintances). Why, here we are
again ! We seem to have been playing a sort of game of hide-and-
seek all the morning and after-
{no SIR. pi_Ef.SE sif?h ' THOU t\tf/
1 "ica art!” 7 ~~
Academical Study.
noon ; Great fun !
Group of Acquaintances. Oh,
yes, great fun!
Genial Visitor. Isn’t it ? But
I do think they might give lunch.
You see it is rather an under-
taking from Kensington to St.
John’s Wood, and then via Hamp-
stead’to South Belgravia.
Group of Acquaintances. Aw-
fully trying!
Genial Visitor. Rather jolly
idea the arrangements here, eh ?
Prepares your mind for the
Pictures, and all that sort of
thing, eh ? Do you think it is
worth trying to push through
the ^;rowd to have a look at
them ?
Group of Acquaintances. Scarcely.
Genial Visitor. So I think. Sure to be the usual sort of thing,
I suppose.
Group of Acquaintances. Quite so.
Genial Visitor. By the way, which is our host ?
Group of Acquaintances. Haven’t the faintest idea.
Genial Visitor. Let’s be off, then.
Group of Acquaintances. Let’s!
[.Exeunt Genial Visitor and his Friends.
Influential Art Critic (who has fought his way to the pictures).
Ah, here they are !
Charles (his Friend). Hush! Somebody’s coming!
Talented Artist (with, of course, real heartiness). Glad to see you!
Very glad to see you, indeed ! (Looking admiringly at the result of his
labours.) Fancy I have successfully surmounted my difficulties. I
don’t mind telling you now, that l had a world of worry with that
rainbow. A world of worry ! You like it ?
Influential Art-Critic. Ah! (Puts his head on one side.) Quite
in your old style, too. Quite!
Charles (his Friend). Oh, beautiful! Really too, too lovely!
T<ilented Artist (ignoring Charles, and addressing his friend
confidentially). Now, candidly, can you suggest any improvement ?
Influential Art-Critic. Improvement! Impossible! Quite beyond
improvement! Oh, yes ; quite !
Charles (his Friend). Oh, yes; they really are too, too magnificent!
Splendid! Grand ! But don’t you think that perhaps the frames
might-
Distinguished Artist (ignoring Charles as before). I do so appre-
ciate your judgment. Now, candidly, as between friends, what do
you think of them ?
Influential Art-Critic (with hearty enthusiasm). That they are
pictures ! Yes, really and truly, they are pictures!
Distinguished Artist. I am so very glad to hear you say so. Have
you seen anything else anywhere ?
Influential Art-Critic. Oh, sad rubbish! sad rubbish! A very
t bad year.
Distinguished Artist. So they tell me. I hear it on all sides.
Influential Art-Critic. Yes, yes. But I have been amply com-
pensated by my visit Acre. (Heartily.) And now. good-bye!
[Cordial farewell, and Exeunt Influential Art-Critic and
Charles (his Friend).
Second Aspect—Outside the Studio.—In the Street. Enter from
the house of the Distinguished Artist, Eminent Art-Critic and
Companion.
Eminent Art-Critic. Thank goodness, that’s the last of them !
Charles (his Friend). But you liked his pictures ?
Eminent Art-Critic. Liked’em ! Why, what made you think that?
Charles (his Friend). But you said-
Eminent Art- Critic. Nothing ! What I do think is, that they are
| the wretchedest daubs 1 have ever seen ! Weak, bad colour, no
! drawing, utter want of composition ! Sir, they are simply beastly !
Charles (his Friend). Oh !
[As they retire, Genial Visitor and Group of Acquaintances
enter.
Genial Visitor. Well, come, at last we have got through them all!
Not such a bad way of killing a Sunday, after all. Eh ? Especially
as we have objections to the Sabbath opening of Art-Galleries. Eh ?
Group of Acquaintances. Quite so.
Genial Visitor. You see, going the rounds of the Studios you
meet your friends, the Ladies look at one another’s dresses, and the
men exchange Club-land rumours. Moreover, it’s quite the tiling to
do. Then there are the pictures-
Group of Acquaintances. Oh, hang the pictures !
Genial Visitor. Certainly. _ By all means, hang the pictures !
[And a month later the pictures are hung at the (Royal Academy.
*** Advice gratis.—Abolish Show Sunday and Private Views.
Why shouldn’t London wait till the pictures are in the Academy ?
ROBERT ON THE BILL !
So the fatal Nell is struck at larst! and Sir William Were ant
Arcourt, after giving two long ears to its considerashun, has struck
his fatal blow !
And in wot a artful way! Does he say as how as the sacred Cop-
perashun has bin and gone and got worn hout with age, and ard
work, and igh living ? No, not he ; but, on the contrary, he acshally
says as it’s sitch anobel and exstrawnery hinstitushun that it’s too
good for the little Citty, but just good enuff for all London. Well,
that seems to a pore Waiter, who orfen and orfen sees Common
Counselmen and Washupfool Haldermen at their very best, about
the rummest reeson for sending ’em all about their bizziness as ever
I heard on. But then think how hartfuRy as it’s all dun. He says
as they are sitch a nobel lot of chaps as it’s quite himpossible to do
without sum on ’em, jest to set the new set of hignoramuses a-going,
and to sho ’em how to do heverything of himportence, sitch as
hordering dinners, and making free with Kings and Neros and hillus-
trated swells of all sorts, and so about 40 of the werry best Common
Counselmen is to be sleckted for that pupuss, and as nat’rally every
man Jack on ’em thinks as he’s sure to be one of the helect, Sir
Werdant at wunce disharms the lot and sends ’em away smilin.
But there ’s jest one serious pint as amost brort tears to my eyes
when I erd it. He acshally has the hawdacity to habollish, at wunce
and for hever, all the nobel Harmy of Haldermen, 26 in number, who
has bin for about seven hundred ears, the pride, and glory, and
hadmurashun, and henvv of mankind in general, and Ladies in
partickleher. Wat has lent its grandest charm to our Citty per-
sesions ? wat has lited up with the bnlyansy of a Rain Bow our
nobel Citty Bankwets ? Wot has reminded all hobserwers of
Solyman in hall his glory ? Why, the jawgeous Scarlet Robes of
our rewered Aldermun. And now. all alike, weather they bes the
somewhat faded glorys of half a Sentry’s wear, or the brite dazzling
things of joy and buty that has been bort and paid for at enormus
corst within the last few munce, all alike is to be carst aside, like the
now useless Armer of the Nights of old !
That’s bad enuff, but, as the Poet says, “ wuss remanes behind.”
Not only is they depriwed of their gownds, and their power, but they
are acshally to loose their werry names, and the Court of Haldermen
will set no more ? Who ’s to take charge of the Citty Lunertics,
poor fellers, afterwards, is of coarse too small a matter for a Lordly
’Ome Secretary, but as the number will probberbly largely increase
if this terrybel Bill is past, it will have to be attended to.
The awful ideer cums across my mind, that wen the New Zeeland
hartist cums here sum five sentrys hence to sketch all the departed
wunders of the ruined Citty, he mite praps dig up the copse of a
fozzil Halderman buried in ms skarlet robe! and drop a new zeeland
tear over this rellick of long departed grateness, wen comparing it to
the mizzerabel cullerless substitoots of his native land.
I hopes as I ain’t quite sitch a fool as not to know that as other
things change so ewen Sacred Copperashuns must change, but surely,
surely, Sir Werdant, you mite have given us all, waiters included,
some sort of compensashun.
My nobel paytrons will nat’rally miss their ard work, and their
soshal injoyments, and wot in the name of all that’s dredful is to
become of hus !
My feelinx has reseived that shok by what I herd in the Ouse and
by what I have red out of it, that I cannot suffishently collect n.y
thorts to exhamin into the warious parts of the Bill, and so shall
resurve that for next week, but I cannot conclood without jest one
solium word of pitty for pore Sir James Mac Garrallous Hogg,
Cheerman of the Metropolis Bored of Works. He is at one swell
swoop not only deprived of his Chair and hi* Bored and his ansom
Sallery of £2,000 a year, but all the compensashun he gits for this
unansum conduk is, that he is made a Common Conselman for three
ears, and no more ! Robert.
Irish Melody with Variations.—“ The Harp that once through
Tara(diddle's) Halls."
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
185
“LOOK UPON THIS PICTURE AND ON THIS.”
Shakspeare (abridged).
(A Sunday Institution under two Aspects.)
First Aspect—Inside the Stud to.—Apartment equally suggestive
of a church, a ball-room, and a costumier's shop, filled with a
crowd of Visitors. Pictures intended for the Royal Academy
displayed to advantage. Buzz of polite conversation.
Genial Visitor (to Group of Acquaintances). Why, here we are
again ! We seem to have been playing a sort of game of hide-and-
seek all the morning and after-
{no SIR. pi_Ef.SE sif?h ' THOU t\tf/
1 "ica art!” 7 ~~
Academical Study.
noon ; Great fun !
Group of Acquaintances. Oh,
yes, great fun!
Genial Visitor. Isn’t it ? But
I do think they might give lunch.
You see it is rather an under-
taking from Kensington to St.
John’s Wood, and then via Hamp-
stead’to South Belgravia.
Group of Acquaintances. Aw-
fully trying!
Genial Visitor. Rather jolly
idea the arrangements here, eh ?
Prepares your mind for the
Pictures, and all that sort of
thing, eh ? Do you think it is
worth trying to push through
the ^;rowd to have a look at
them ?
Group of Acquaintances. Scarcely.
Genial Visitor. So I think. Sure to be the usual sort of thing,
I suppose.
Group of Acquaintances. Quite so.
Genial Visitor. By the way, which is our host ?
Group of Acquaintances. Haven’t the faintest idea.
Genial Visitor. Let’s be off, then.
Group of Acquaintances. Let’s!
[.Exeunt Genial Visitor and his Friends.
Influential Art Critic (who has fought his way to the pictures).
Ah, here they are !
Charles (his Friend). Hush! Somebody’s coming!
Talented Artist (with, of course, real heartiness). Glad to see you!
Very glad to see you, indeed ! (Looking admiringly at the result of his
labours.) Fancy I have successfully surmounted my difficulties. I
don’t mind telling you now, that l had a world of worry with that
rainbow. A world of worry ! You like it ?
Influential Art-Critic. Ah! (Puts his head on one side.) Quite
in your old style, too. Quite!
Charles (his Friend). Oh, beautiful! Really too, too lovely!
T<ilented Artist (ignoring Charles, and addressing his friend
confidentially). Now, candidly, can you suggest any improvement ?
Influential Art-Critic. Improvement! Impossible! Quite beyond
improvement! Oh, yes ; quite !
Charles (his Friend). Oh, yes; they really are too, too magnificent!
Splendid! Grand ! But don’t you think that perhaps the frames
might-
Distinguished Artist (ignoring Charles as before). I do so appre-
ciate your judgment. Now, candidly, as between friends, what do
you think of them ?
Influential Art-Critic (with hearty enthusiasm). That they are
pictures ! Yes, really and truly, they are pictures!
Distinguished Artist. I am so very glad to hear you say so. Have
you seen anything else anywhere ?
Influential Art-Critic. Oh, sad rubbish! sad rubbish! A very
t bad year.
Distinguished Artist. So they tell me. I hear it on all sides.
Influential Art-Critic. Yes, yes. But I have been amply com-
pensated by my visit Acre. (Heartily.) And now. good-bye!
[Cordial farewell, and Exeunt Influential Art-Critic and
Charles (his Friend).
Second Aspect—Outside the Studio.—In the Street. Enter from
the house of the Distinguished Artist, Eminent Art-Critic and
Companion.
Eminent Art-Critic. Thank goodness, that’s the last of them !
Charles (his Friend). But you liked his pictures ?
Eminent Art-Critic. Liked’em ! Why, what made you think that?
Charles (his Friend). But you said-
Eminent Art- Critic. Nothing ! What I do think is, that they are
| the wretchedest daubs 1 have ever seen ! Weak, bad colour, no
! drawing, utter want of composition ! Sir, they are simply beastly !
Charles (his Friend). Oh !
[As they retire, Genial Visitor and Group of Acquaintances
enter.
Genial Visitor. Well, come, at last we have got through them all!
Not such a bad way of killing a Sunday, after all. Eh ? Especially
as we have objections to the Sabbath opening of Art-Galleries. Eh ?
Group of Acquaintances. Quite so.
Genial Visitor. You see, going the rounds of the Studios you
meet your friends, the Ladies look at one another’s dresses, and the
men exchange Club-land rumours. Moreover, it’s quite the tiling to
do. Then there are the pictures-
Group of Acquaintances. Oh, hang the pictures !
Genial Visitor. Certainly. _ By all means, hang the pictures !
[And a month later the pictures are hung at the (Royal Academy.
*** Advice gratis.—Abolish Show Sunday and Private Views.
Why shouldn’t London wait till the pictures are in the Academy ?
ROBERT ON THE BILL !
So the fatal Nell is struck at larst! and Sir William Were ant
Arcourt, after giving two long ears to its considerashun, has struck
his fatal blow !
And in wot a artful way! Does he say as how as the sacred Cop-
perashun has bin and gone and got worn hout with age, and ard
work, and igh living ? No, not he ; but, on the contrary, he acshally
says as it’s sitch anobel and exstrawnery hinstitushun that it’s too
good for the little Citty, but just good enuff for all London. Well,
that seems to a pore Waiter, who orfen and orfen sees Common
Counselmen and Washupfool Haldermen at their very best, about
the rummest reeson for sending ’em all about their bizziness as ever
I heard on. But then think how hartfuRy as it’s all dun. He says
as they are sitch a nobel lot of chaps as it’s quite himpossible to do
without sum on ’em, jest to set the new set of hignoramuses a-going,
and to sho ’em how to do heverything of himportence, sitch as
hordering dinners, and making free with Kings and Neros and hillus-
trated swells of all sorts, and so about 40 of the werry best Common
Counselmen is to be sleckted for that pupuss, and as nat’rally every
man Jack on ’em thinks as he’s sure to be one of the helect, Sir
Werdant at wunce disharms the lot and sends ’em away smilin.
But there ’s jest one serious pint as amost brort tears to my eyes
when I erd it. He acshally has the hawdacity to habollish, at wunce
and for hever, all the nobel Harmy of Haldermen, 26 in number, who
has bin for about seven hundred ears, the pride, and glory, and
hadmurashun, and henvv of mankind in general, and Ladies in
partickleher. Wat has lent its grandest charm to our Citty per-
sesions ? wat has lited up with the bnlyansy of a Rain Bow our
nobel Citty Bankwets ? Wot has reminded all hobserwers of
Solyman in hall his glory ? Why, the jawgeous Scarlet Robes of
our rewered Aldermun. And now. all alike, weather they bes the
somewhat faded glorys of half a Sentry’s wear, or the brite dazzling
things of joy and buty that has been bort and paid for at enormus
corst within the last few munce, all alike is to be carst aside, like the
now useless Armer of the Nights of old !
That’s bad enuff, but, as the Poet says, “ wuss remanes behind.”
Not only is they depriwed of their gownds, and their power, but they
are acshally to loose their werry names, and the Court of Haldermen
will set no more ? Who ’s to take charge of the Citty Lunertics,
poor fellers, afterwards, is of coarse too small a matter for a Lordly
’Ome Secretary, but as the number will probberbly largely increase
if this terrybel Bill is past, it will have to be attended to.
The awful ideer cums across my mind, that wen the New Zeeland
hartist cums here sum five sentrys hence to sketch all the departed
wunders of the ruined Citty, he mite praps dig up the copse of a
fozzil Halderman buried in ms skarlet robe! and drop a new zeeland
tear over this rellick of long departed grateness, wen comparing it to
the mizzerabel cullerless substitoots of his native land.
I hopes as I ain’t quite sitch a fool as not to know that as other
things change so ewen Sacred Copperashuns must change, but surely,
surely, Sir Werdant, you mite have given us all, waiters included,
some sort of compensashun.
My nobel paytrons will nat’rally miss their ard work, and their
soshal injoyments, and wot in the name of all that’s dredful is to
become of hus !
My feelinx has reseived that shok by what I herd in the Ouse and
by what I have red out of it, that I cannot suffishently collect n.y
thorts to exhamin into the warious parts of the Bill, and so shall
resurve that for next week, but I cannot conclood without jest one
solium word of pitty for pore Sir James Mac Garrallous Hogg,
Cheerman of the Metropolis Bored of Works. He is at one swell
swoop not only deprived of his Chair and hi* Bored and his ansom
Sallery of £2,000 a year, but all the compensashun he gits for this
unansum conduk is, that he is made a Common Conselman for three
ears, and no more ! Robert.
Irish Melody with Variations.—“ The Harp that once through
Tara(diddle's) Halls."