DOI Heft:
April 26, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0200
194
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 26, 1884.
DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS.-THE PHYSICIANS.
The Major {who takes an intelligent interest in Science). “I sometimes feel—
A—ALMOST HALF INCLINED TO—ER SUSPECT THAT POSSIBLY—THE DISEASE YOU
MENTION MAY—ER—MAY, UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, NOT BE ABSOLUTELY
NON-INFECTIOUS—AT LEAST, I-”
Sir Rupert Fillington (M.D., F.R.S., die.). “The self-confidence of these
Amateurs ! Eh, Sir Malcolm * Why, I ’ye given my whole Life to the
Question !—and I pronounce that it is not Infectious ! ”
Sir Malcolm MlCure {ditto, ditto). “ Well ! It’s a matter to which I have
DEVOTED MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE—AND I EMPHATICALLY DECLARE IT IS ! ”
[ The Major gets quite unsettled in his convictions on the subject.
“ ROBERT ” ON TIIE BILL!
I returns to my sad tarsk with feelinx more hesely discribed than emaginned,
but Ingland expecs us all to do our dooty, weather Waiters or Wetterans,
and I for one won’t disappint her. Me and Brown bort a coppy of the Fatal
Act, for witch Parlymint charged us a shilling and a penny. We both thort as
the hextra penny was rayther shabby of Parlymint, but they is rayther a
meen lot, sum on ’em is, as we Waiters werry well nose. Me and Brown
then stood a bottel of wine to a frend of ours who ’s a lawyer’s dark, if a
Lawyer can be a frend, to git him to egsplain to us all about the Bill. We alius
gits our wine at holesale prise, and rayther thinks as we nose wot’s wot as
regards wine. It fact it has crossed our minds more than wunce, that, if this
owdacious Bill passes, we mite turn Wine Merchants. Robert, Brown, & Co.
wooden’t look so bad over our Seller, and the nat’ral arangement wood he as I
shood taste the Wines and Brown shood sell ’em. But this is buy the whey.
Our lawyer frend says as how it’s the most egstrawnery Bill as he ever
seed! Wot it says in wun place it unsays in another, wot it gives here it takes
away there, and amost all the clawses pints to some other clawses that skratches
’em all out, so to speak. Take for instans the most himportent pint of all, The
horsepitalluty of the New Copperashun, witch of course was the fust thing as
we looked for. It says as the New Copperashun may, like the Old One, spend
their money in entertaining dist.ingwished persons, but whose to deside who is
a distingwished person enuff to be so entertained ? In course they ’ll take jolly
good care not to draw the line too sewerely, and, if they keeps a sharp look out,
they ’ll never be long at a loss for a distingwished Jest or two.
1 think praps I may clame sum credit for this, from a nint I gave Sir Wer-
dant won day, wen he was a chaffing me over his dinner about his cumming
Bill, I wentured to remark as I thort as the aberlition of the Gildhall and
Manshun House Bankwets wood raze sitch a feeling of hindignashun amung the
New Common Counselmen, as that was the principalest
thing as they was all a looking forrard to, that he acshally
sed, “Ah, ^there’s reelly sumthink in wot you says,
Robert. No one can no better than you,” says he, with
his nice quiet smile, “ how cross and bad temperd a man
is wen he loses his dinner. I must thmk it hover.” And
so he ewidently did do, and we sees the seekwell.
If there’s one Gent as I pities more than another, it’s
the pore broken-arted Cheerman of the New Counsel
Chamber as is to be hopened m Jewly. I allers prosefied
as wot wood appen, wen they torked of building a new
Counsel Chamber. Wunce you begins to change, sed I,
who nose where it’s right for to stop, or what will be
left ? It’s like changing a soverain, how it all seems to
melt away, and, as the Poet says, leaves not a rail behind !
According to what we learns from our lawyer frend, the
30th of April next year will be won of the sollemest and
most affectingest days as the Sun ever shined on—and it
don’t shine werry offen—in all the grand history of the
grand old Copperashun ! On that fatal day, the Court of
Common Counsel will meat for the last time, as it has
met for 700 years, and, at the hend of its proseedings,
they will diwide thereselves into two onequal parts, the
minorretty will stop behind to kindly coach hup the
hignerant rabble as will henter Gildhall for the first
time to take possession of wot don’t belong to ’em.
But how about the 200 others, or thereabouts ? After
about 700 years of public dooty, so well done that even the
chaffing Minister can find nothink to say against ’em, they
are told their ungrateful fellow Citizens wants ’em no
longer, and they must go! Ah ! my Lord Tennyson,
if you shoud appen to be present on that sad day, I thinks
as I can fancy the thorts as wood flow from your frute-
f ul pen : —
“ Scoffers to right oil ’em !
Scoffers to left on ’em !
Scoffers in front on ’em !
Out of their native Gildhall
Walked the Two Hundred ! ”
******
The werry next day being Friday the fust of May—
Friday ! habsent Amen, as Brown says,—is called in "the
Bill “the appointed day,”—wot a name!—for making a
clean sweep of all wot’s past, and beginnin again with a
bran new performance. Praps the fust of April mite
a’ bin a more apropriate day for apropriatin other people’s
propperty. I thinks as they calls it codfishcation, but
wunce you begins that little game, my nobel Ministers,
he must have the branes of a cod’s head and shoulders as
thinks as it ’ill stop at Gildhall. No, No, it’s mutch more
likely to take a walk westerd, to Bloomsberry, say, my
lord Dook, or heven to Pimlico, your Grace!
I don’t feel werry much for the Bored of TVorks,
they don’t lose much, they ony dined wunce a year, pore
fellers, and ewen that the pore Cheerman had to pay for
out of his hone Celery. Sir Werdjnt will have his joke,
even in the most sollemest things, so he fixes the election
of all future Lord Mares for the 5th of November, Guy
Fox Day ! wot a charnce for the ribbled jester !
Sum of my old trends takes it werry* good naturedly,
speshally them as does all the ara work ; but sum of the
others does go on wunderfool!
It isn’t quite settled weather the Park railings is to
cum down, but sumthink dredful will be dun before the
gallant and jolly^ old Copperashun strikes them Cullers as
they has determind to nail to their mast when they gits
one. The March of the Match Box Makers is.not yet for-
gotten ! and shood the hinsulted Haldermen in full skar-
let dress, and the Citty Left Tennants in full skarlet
unyform, march Westward, with all the honners of War,
I thinks as I nose who will have caws to trembel in his
shoes, as they approches the Offis, as he calls his Home.
Robert.
New Reading- for Primrose-Day.
“ A Primrose by a river’s brim,
A yellow primrose was to him—
But it was something more ! ”
And something considerably more Mr. Peter.Masher
Bell found it was, when his Florist’s bill came in !
A Correspondent writes to say,, “ I have heard the
Cuckoo every night in the house where I am now staying.
It said ‘ Cuckoo ! ’ twelve times distinctly at midnight.”
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[April 26, 1884.
DISTINGUISHED PROFESSIONALS.-THE PHYSICIANS.
The Major {who takes an intelligent interest in Science). “I sometimes feel—
A—ALMOST HALF INCLINED TO—ER SUSPECT THAT POSSIBLY—THE DISEASE YOU
MENTION MAY—ER—MAY, UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, NOT BE ABSOLUTELY
NON-INFECTIOUS—AT LEAST, I-”
Sir Rupert Fillington (M.D., F.R.S., die.). “The self-confidence of these
Amateurs ! Eh, Sir Malcolm * Why, I ’ye given my whole Life to the
Question !—and I pronounce that it is not Infectious ! ”
Sir Malcolm MlCure {ditto, ditto). “ Well ! It’s a matter to which I have
DEVOTED MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE—AND I EMPHATICALLY DECLARE IT IS ! ”
[ The Major gets quite unsettled in his convictions on the subject.
“ ROBERT ” ON TIIE BILL!
I returns to my sad tarsk with feelinx more hesely discribed than emaginned,
but Ingland expecs us all to do our dooty, weather Waiters or Wetterans,
and I for one won’t disappint her. Me and Brown bort a coppy of the Fatal
Act, for witch Parlymint charged us a shilling and a penny. We both thort as
the hextra penny was rayther shabby of Parlymint, but they is rayther a
meen lot, sum on ’em is, as we Waiters werry well nose. Me and Brown
then stood a bottel of wine to a frend of ours who ’s a lawyer’s dark, if a
Lawyer can be a frend, to git him to egsplain to us all about the Bill. We alius
gits our wine at holesale prise, and rayther thinks as we nose wot’s wot as
regards wine. It fact it has crossed our minds more than wunce, that, if this
owdacious Bill passes, we mite turn Wine Merchants. Robert, Brown, & Co.
wooden’t look so bad over our Seller, and the nat’ral arangement wood he as I
shood taste the Wines and Brown shood sell ’em. But this is buy the whey.
Our lawyer frend says as how it’s the most egstrawnery Bill as he ever
seed! Wot it says in wun place it unsays in another, wot it gives here it takes
away there, and amost all the clawses pints to some other clawses that skratches
’em all out, so to speak. Take for instans the most himportent pint of all, The
horsepitalluty of the New Copperashun, witch of course was the fust thing as
we looked for. It says as the New Copperashun may, like the Old One, spend
their money in entertaining dist.ingwished persons, but whose to deside who is
a distingwished person enuff to be so entertained ? In course they ’ll take jolly
good care not to draw the line too sewerely, and, if they keeps a sharp look out,
they ’ll never be long at a loss for a distingwished Jest or two.
1 think praps I may clame sum credit for this, from a nint I gave Sir Wer-
dant won day, wen he was a chaffing me over his dinner about his cumming
Bill, I wentured to remark as I thort as the aberlition of the Gildhall and
Manshun House Bankwets wood raze sitch a feeling of hindignashun amung the
New Common Counselmen, as that was the principalest
thing as they was all a looking forrard to, that he acshally
sed, “Ah, ^there’s reelly sumthink in wot you says,
Robert. No one can no better than you,” says he, with
his nice quiet smile, “ how cross and bad temperd a man
is wen he loses his dinner. I must thmk it hover.” And
so he ewidently did do, and we sees the seekwell.
If there’s one Gent as I pities more than another, it’s
the pore broken-arted Cheerman of the New Counsel
Chamber as is to be hopened m Jewly. I allers prosefied
as wot wood appen, wen they torked of building a new
Counsel Chamber. Wunce you begins to change, sed I,
who nose where it’s right for to stop, or what will be
left ? It’s like changing a soverain, how it all seems to
melt away, and, as the Poet says, leaves not a rail behind !
According to what we learns from our lawyer frend, the
30th of April next year will be won of the sollemest and
most affectingest days as the Sun ever shined on—and it
don’t shine werry offen—in all the grand history of the
grand old Copperashun ! On that fatal day, the Court of
Common Counsel will meat for the last time, as it has
met for 700 years, and, at the hend of its proseedings,
they will diwide thereselves into two onequal parts, the
minorretty will stop behind to kindly coach hup the
hignerant rabble as will henter Gildhall for the first
time to take possession of wot don’t belong to ’em.
But how about the 200 others, or thereabouts ? After
about 700 years of public dooty, so well done that even the
chaffing Minister can find nothink to say against ’em, they
are told their ungrateful fellow Citizens wants ’em no
longer, and they must go! Ah ! my Lord Tennyson,
if you shoud appen to be present on that sad day, I thinks
as I can fancy the thorts as wood flow from your frute-
f ul pen : —
“ Scoffers to right oil ’em !
Scoffers to left on ’em !
Scoffers in front on ’em !
Out of their native Gildhall
Walked the Two Hundred ! ”
******
The werry next day being Friday the fust of May—
Friday ! habsent Amen, as Brown says,—is called in "the
Bill “the appointed day,”—wot a name!—for making a
clean sweep of all wot’s past, and beginnin again with a
bran new performance. Praps the fust of April mite
a’ bin a more apropriate day for apropriatin other people’s
propperty. I thinks as they calls it codfishcation, but
wunce you begins that little game, my nobel Ministers,
he must have the branes of a cod’s head and shoulders as
thinks as it ’ill stop at Gildhall. No, No, it’s mutch more
likely to take a walk westerd, to Bloomsberry, say, my
lord Dook, or heven to Pimlico, your Grace!
I don’t feel werry much for the Bored of TVorks,
they don’t lose much, they ony dined wunce a year, pore
fellers, and ewen that the pore Cheerman had to pay for
out of his hone Celery. Sir Werdjnt will have his joke,
even in the most sollemest things, so he fixes the election
of all future Lord Mares for the 5th of November, Guy
Fox Day ! wot a charnce for the ribbled jester !
Sum of my old trends takes it werry* good naturedly,
speshally them as does all the ara work ; but sum of the
others does go on wunderfool!
It isn’t quite settled weather the Park railings is to
cum down, but sumthink dredful will be dun before the
gallant and jolly^ old Copperashun strikes them Cullers as
they has determind to nail to their mast when they gits
one. The March of the Match Box Makers is.not yet for-
gotten ! and shood the hinsulted Haldermen in full skar-
let dress, and the Citty Left Tennants in full skarlet
unyform, march Westward, with all the honners of War,
I thinks as I nose who will have caws to trembel in his
shoes, as they approches the Offis, as he calls his Home.
Robert.
New Reading- for Primrose-Day.
“ A Primrose by a river’s brim,
A yellow primrose was to him—
But it was something more ! ”
And something considerably more Mr. Peter.Masher
Bell found it was, when his Florist’s bill came in !
A Correspondent writes to say,, “ I have heard the
Cuckoo every night in the house where I am now staying.
It said ‘ Cuckoo ! ’ twelve times distinctly at midnight.”