DOI Heft:
May 3, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0212
PERIL !
Gruff Voice (behind her—she thought she heard her own Name). “ She’s a qettin’ old, Bill, and she sartain’y ain’t no Beauty !
But you and I ’ll smarten her up ! Give her a good Tarrin’ up to the Waist, and a Streak o’ Paint, and they ’ont
KNOW HER AGAIN WHEN THE FOLKS COME DOWN a’ WHITSUN’. COME ALONG, AND LET ’s KETCH ’OLD OF HER, AND SHOVE HER INTO
the Water fust of all!! ”
Miss Isabella. “Oh' the horrid Wretches! No Policeman in sight 1 Nothing for it but Flight! ” [Is oft like a Bird!
THE WAY OUT OF IT.
In the face, on the one hand, of the enigmatic silence of
Mr. Gladstone in the Commons, and on the other of the mysterious
reticence of Earl Granville in the Lords, there are, naturally
enough, many sinister rumours rife as to the nature of the, as
vet secret, but significantly foreshadowed means to which the
Government shortly purpose resorting, for the ultimate rescue of
General Gordon. The following, however, may be relied on as
among the most encouraging and accurate
1. To send to the surrounding Arab forces, by Parcels Post, a hand-
somely bound copy of the recent debates, with an intimation to General
Gordon that while they are occupied in reading them and being
impressed with the determination and dignity of Parliamentary utter-
ances, he shall effect his departure and come home as soon as he likes.
2. To make arrangements with Messrs. Sangers’ travelling Mena-
gerie for a provincial tour in the Soudan on the understanding that
he be allowed to join the Company without a salary, and effect his
escape with them, when their engagement at Khartoum terminates,
disguised as a member of their talented troupe.
3. To offer the Mahdi in cipher a place in the Cabinet.
4. To get Mr. Labouchere to go alone to Khartoum, for the pur-
pose of explaining to General Gordon the simple and easy way back,
and, if he will undertake the matter, charge him nothing for his camel.
5. To confer with M. de Lesseps as to the feasibility of eventually
draining the Nile, and, by so doing, diverting the attention of the
^surrounding hordes, within a given course of years, from the imme-
diate business at Khartoum.
6. To send Mr. Ashmead-Baiitlett, in a sack, with the compli-
ments of the Government to the Sultan, and request his active sym-
pathy and advice.
7. To induce Sir William Harcourt to disguise himself as a
pantomime ostrich, and get as near to Khartoum as he can, with a
view to delivering a secret despatch to Colonel Gordon, assuring him
of Her Majesty’s Government’s support.
8. To wait until the situation becomes a little more complicated
and acute, and then concert measures for the purpose of considering
what steps ought to have been taken before it became too late to
take any at all. _ __
EARTHQUAKE STARTLERS.
Some curious results of the Earthquake:—We know, from a
report in the P.M. Cf., that a certain Theatrical Manager, residing in
Russell Square, doesn’t rise till after 9T5 a.h., and that his wife has
been in South America, where she was accustomed to Earthquakes.
Mr. Carte, of the Savoy Theatre, was so alarmed that he thought
his Partner, Mr. Gunn, had gone off.
In the Strand numbers of persons who had been taking their morn-
ing draught at various favourite liquidational establishments, rushed
out of these places in so great a hurry that they forgot to pay for the
refreshments they had consumed. This has fixed the time of the
event on the minds of the proprietors of these places.
We learn also the habits of a Times' Correspondent at Coldharbour
Lane, Brixton. He doesn’t get up till past nine ; he has a cup of tea
brought to him in bed ; he sleeps at the top of the house ; and break-
fasts after the rest of the household have finished. This is interesting.
Among other incidents, the Earthquake has resuscitated Cato, who
now appears to be a Clergyman residing at Colchester. Cato wrote
to the Times in English. His habits are apparently more of the Modern
Englishman’s than that of the Antique Roman’s. Anyone visiting
Colchester may be glad to know that Cato breakfasts at about 9T5,
and lives in a large substantially-built house, with pictures in the
drawing-room, lots of bells, and plenty of lamps.
Neither Mr. Wilson Barrett norMr. J. L. Toole wrote to the papers
disclaiming all connection with the Earthquake ; probably, being so>
accustomed to Earthquakes, they didn’t notice anything remarkable.
It must have been tremendously felt at Westminster, as, after the
Earthquake, Lord Randolph Churchill found himself in the same
lobby with the Ministerial Minority on the Cattle Bill.
Sir Werdant Harcourt denies that the Earthquke was caused by
his Municipality Bill, though he admits that he hopes London Gov-
ernment is “ on the heave of a great change! ”
Gruff Voice (behind her—she thought she heard her own Name). “ She’s a qettin’ old, Bill, and she sartain’y ain’t no Beauty !
But you and I ’ll smarten her up ! Give her a good Tarrin’ up to the Waist, and a Streak o’ Paint, and they ’ont
KNOW HER AGAIN WHEN THE FOLKS COME DOWN a’ WHITSUN’. COME ALONG, AND LET ’s KETCH ’OLD OF HER, AND SHOVE HER INTO
the Water fust of all!! ”
Miss Isabella. “Oh' the horrid Wretches! No Policeman in sight 1 Nothing for it but Flight! ” [Is oft like a Bird!
THE WAY OUT OF IT.
In the face, on the one hand, of the enigmatic silence of
Mr. Gladstone in the Commons, and on the other of the mysterious
reticence of Earl Granville in the Lords, there are, naturally
enough, many sinister rumours rife as to the nature of the, as
vet secret, but significantly foreshadowed means to which the
Government shortly purpose resorting, for the ultimate rescue of
General Gordon. The following, however, may be relied on as
among the most encouraging and accurate
1. To send to the surrounding Arab forces, by Parcels Post, a hand-
somely bound copy of the recent debates, with an intimation to General
Gordon that while they are occupied in reading them and being
impressed with the determination and dignity of Parliamentary utter-
ances, he shall effect his departure and come home as soon as he likes.
2. To make arrangements with Messrs. Sangers’ travelling Mena-
gerie for a provincial tour in the Soudan on the understanding that
he be allowed to join the Company without a salary, and effect his
escape with them, when their engagement at Khartoum terminates,
disguised as a member of their talented troupe.
3. To offer the Mahdi in cipher a place in the Cabinet.
4. To get Mr. Labouchere to go alone to Khartoum, for the pur-
pose of explaining to General Gordon the simple and easy way back,
and, if he will undertake the matter, charge him nothing for his camel.
5. To confer with M. de Lesseps as to the feasibility of eventually
draining the Nile, and, by so doing, diverting the attention of the
^surrounding hordes, within a given course of years, from the imme-
diate business at Khartoum.
6. To send Mr. Ashmead-Baiitlett, in a sack, with the compli-
ments of the Government to the Sultan, and request his active sym-
pathy and advice.
7. To induce Sir William Harcourt to disguise himself as a
pantomime ostrich, and get as near to Khartoum as he can, with a
view to delivering a secret despatch to Colonel Gordon, assuring him
of Her Majesty’s Government’s support.
8. To wait until the situation becomes a little more complicated
and acute, and then concert measures for the purpose of considering
what steps ought to have been taken before it became too late to
take any at all. _ __
EARTHQUAKE STARTLERS.
Some curious results of the Earthquake:—We know, from a
report in the P.M. Cf., that a certain Theatrical Manager, residing in
Russell Square, doesn’t rise till after 9T5 a.h., and that his wife has
been in South America, where she was accustomed to Earthquakes.
Mr. Carte, of the Savoy Theatre, was so alarmed that he thought
his Partner, Mr. Gunn, had gone off.
In the Strand numbers of persons who had been taking their morn-
ing draught at various favourite liquidational establishments, rushed
out of these places in so great a hurry that they forgot to pay for the
refreshments they had consumed. This has fixed the time of the
event on the minds of the proprietors of these places.
We learn also the habits of a Times' Correspondent at Coldharbour
Lane, Brixton. He doesn’t get up till past nine ; he has a cup of tea
brought to him in bed ; he sleeps at the top of the house ; and break-
fasts after the rest of the household have finished. This is interesting.
Among other incidents, the Earthquake has resuscitated Cato, who
now appears to be a Clergyman residing at Colchester. Cato wrote
to the Times in English. His habits are apparently more of the Modern
Englishman’s than that of the Antique Roman’s. Anyone visiting
Colchester may be glad to know that Cato breakfasts at about 9T5,
and lives in a large substantially-built house, with pictures in the
drawing-room, lots of bells, and plenty of lamps.
Neither Mr. Wilson Barrett norMr. J. L. Toole wrote to the papers
disclaiming all connection with the Earthquake ; probably, being so>
accustomed to Earthquakes, they didn’t notice anything remarkable.
It must have been tremendously felt at Westminster, as, after the
Earthquake, Lord Randolph Churchill found himself in the same
lobby with the Ministerial Minority on the Cattle Bill.
Sir Werdant Harcourt denies that the Earthquke was caused by
his Municipality Bill, though he admits that he hopes London Gov-
ernment is “ on the heave of a great change! ”