DOI Heft:
May 10, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0233
May 10, 1884.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
2 27
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, April 28.—“ Don’t know how you
bear it, Toby,” said Onslow just now, “but I find Parliamentary
life very exhausting. There’s the Tizer first thing in the morning.
Must read something, you know. Get up facts, catch drift of public
opinion, and that sort of thing. Tizer wonderful paper, though
takes a good deal out of you unless you ’re in training. Always
after reading leader take quiet stroll through advertisements, public-
houses to let, or barmen wanting places, which puts me right. Saves
strain on mind. In addition to morning paper, got two Questions in
charge. There’s Harcourt’s Nosegays and the Yote of Thanks to
Army of Soudan. Settled nosegay business; must look up precedents
of Votes of Thanks. Rather think the Army would like it. Must
have heard of me sometimes. Gallant fellows, glad to do them any
little service, but, egad! mental strain tremendous. Can’t keep up
the pace long. Shall knock off Tizer for day or two.”
Another really useful evening. Seven cheerful nights we had on
Lord John Manners’ Amendment to Franchise Bill. Conservatives
so greedy for Parliamentary Reform, can’t get enough of it. So
Raises to-night brings up Lord John’s Amendment slightly disguised,
and agreeably proposes to commence debate “ de novo," as Lord
Mayor says.
“ Very well,” says Gladstone; “seems we can’t help that, but
you shall have all the talk yourselves.”
Wild indignation on Conservative side. “ Cloture in most bar-
barous shape ! ” cries Randolph, preserving grave face.
“ What! ” gasps Edward Clarke, holding on to rail of benches
before him. “ Mean to say you aren’t going to make any speeches ?
Can’t be true. Thought and said many bad things of you. Won’t
believe this.”
True, nevertheless, with slight exception. Harcourt, in speech
fifteen minutes’ long, protests that he will remain silent. Seven
times over, in almost precisely identical words, states actual position
already defined by the Premier. Then Gladstone gets up, and, also
confining himself to quarter of an hour, repeats that he will not play
game of Opposition, and will stubbornly hold his tongue. So Con-
servatives have it all to themselves, and drearily keep the mill going.
Success of evening Tom Collins, who unfurls umbrella, and
sitting down under it, carefully parting coat-tails so as not further
to crush garment, occupied an hour and quarter in reciting speech
prepared for Second Reading.
Business done.—None. “ How long ! how long ! ” cries Claud tan
Gladstone, throwing up his hands, with despairing gesture, towards
gaslit roof.
Tuesday.—Duke of Marlborough favoured House of Lords with
his company. Took the Oath without slightest compunction. Met
him later coming out of Robing-Room, whistling “ Marlbrook s'en
va-t-en guerre."
“With whom ? ” I asked.
“ Ah ! that depends,” his Grace answered. “ Never be in a hurry
in these matters, Toby. My case, I know, is a little peculiar. Quite
a rush on Conservative side to get me as recruit. Liberals equally
anxious ; so I wait. Think of forming Fourth Party in Lords.
People believe Randolph’s got all the family cleverness. Mean to
show they’re mistaken. Wemyss shall be my Wolff, and Bra-
bourne my lamb—I mean my Gorst. True Brabourne not brought
up to Law, but naturally has a pettifogging manner. As for Wemyss,
shall have trouble with him, 1 know. Will want to boss the con-
cern ; but he’ll get over that in time. Not as fortunate as Randolph
in my materials. His opportunity unique; but must do the best
with what I have got. Mean to make Salisbury sit up, and Gran-
ville growl.”
Fresh trouble for the Ministry, domestic rather than foreign.
Appears there’s a revolt in the kitchen and butler’s pantry.
Premier’s young footman wants to know why Home-Secretary’s
young man should have been mentioned in Parliament whilst he
remains comparatively obscure ? Fitzmaurice’s second housemaid
has given a month’s notice that unless Lord Edmond will bring in a
reference to her next time he answers Ashmead-Bartlett, she will
leave.
“ I’m sure his Lordship wouldn’t have no difficulty,” said Mary
Ann, addressing the meeting. “Nex time he says, ‘ Praps the
Hon. Member will give notice of that question,’ what’s easier than to
go on to say, ‘ as I deeply regret to mention my second housemaid
has save me notice.’ ”
This all comes of Harcoubt’s persistent humour in answering
Onslow on the Nosegay Question. Ministers had quite enough on
their minds without this.
Business done.—Two Clauses of Cattle Diseases Bill agreed to.
Wednesday.—“ How wonderful are the resources of Science!”
Lyon Playfair exclaimed, gazing reflectively at Farquhakson
seated below the Gangway. “No one regarding Farquharson,
noting the thoughtful droop of his moustache, the massive forehead,
home of high intellect, would suspect that he had a cow in his waist-
coat pocket. I once brought down to illustrate my lecture on Oleo-
margarine a few sample pots of grease ; but I never went the whole
hog as Farquharson does.”
Quite true, though a little startling at first hearing, r arquharson
seconding Cameron’s Motion for Second Reading of Cremation Bill,
incidentally produced cow out of his waistcoat pocket. All that was
mortal went into small phial, size of little finger.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI,
2 27
EXTRACTED FROM
THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.
House of Commons, Monday, April 28.—“ Don’t know how you
bear it, Toby,” said Onslow just now, “but I find Parliamentary
life very exhausting. There’s the Tizer first thing in the morning.
Must read something, you know. Get up facts, catch drift of public
opinion, and that sort of thing. Tizer wonderful paper, though
takes a good deal out of you unless you ’re in training. Always
after reading leader take quiet stroll through advertisements, public-
houses to let, or barmen wanting places, which puts me right. Saves
strain on mind. In addition to morning paper, got two Questions in
charge. There’s Harcourt’s Nosegays and the Yote of Thanks to
Army of Soudan. Settled nosegay business; must look up precedents
of Votes of Thanks. Rather think the Army would like it. Must
have heard of me sometimes. Gallant fellows, glad to do them any
little service, but, egad! mental strain tremendous. Can’t keep up
the pace long. Shall knock off Tizer for day or two.”
Another really useful evening. Seven cheerful nights we had on
Lord John Manners’ Amendment to Franchise Bill. Conservatives
so greedy for Parliamentary Reform, can’t get enough of it. So
Raises to-night brings up Lord John’s Amendment slightly disguised,
and agreeably proposes to commence debate “ de novo," as Lord
Mayor says.
“ Very well,” says Gladstone; “seems we can’t help that, but
you shall have all the talk yourselves.”
Wild indignation on Conservative side. “ Cloture in most bar-
barous shape ! ” cries Randolph, preserving grave face.
“ What! ” gasps Edward Clarke, holding on to rail of benches
before him. “ Mean to say you aren’t going to make any speeches ?
Can’t be true. Thought and said many bad things of you. Won’t
believe this.”
True, nevertheless, with slight exception. Harcourt, in speech
fifteen minutes’ long, protests that he will remain silent. Seven
times over, in almost precisely identical words, states actual position
already defined by the Premier. Then Gladstone gets up, and, also
confining himself to quarter of an hour, repeats that he will not play
game of Opposition, and will stubbornly hold his tongue. So Con-
servatives have it all to themselves, and drearily keep the mill going.
Success of evening Tom Collins, who unfurls umbrella, and
sitting down under it, carefully parting coat-tails so as not further
to crush garment, occupied an hour and quarter in reciting speech
prepared for Second Reading.
Business done.—None. “ How long ! how long ! ” cries Claud tan
Gladstone, throwing up his hands, with despairing gesture, towards
gaslit roof.
Tuesday.—Duke of Marlborough favoured House of Lords with
his company. Took the Oath without slightest compunction. Met
him later coming out of Robing-Room, whistling “ Marlbrook s'en
va-t-en guerre."
“With whom ? ” I asked.
“ Ah ! that depends,” his Grace answered. “ Never be in a hurry
in these matters, Toby. My case, I know, is a little peculiar. Quite
a rush on Conservative side to get me as recruit. Liberals equally
anxious ; so I wait. Think of forming Fourth Party in Lords.
People believe Randolph’s got all the family cleverness. Mean to
show they’re mistaken. Wemyss shall be my Wolff, and Bra-
bourne my lamb—I mean my Gorst. True Brabourne not brought
up to Law, but naturally has a pettifogging manner. As for Wemyss,
shall have trouble with him, 1 know. Will want to boss the con-
cern ; but he’ll get over that in time. Not as fortunate as Randolph
in my materials. His opportunity unique; but must do the best
with what I have got. Mean to make Salisbury sit up, and Gran-
ville growl.”
Fresh trouble for the Ministry, domestic rather than foreign.
Appears there’s a revolt in the kitchen and butler’s pantry.
Premier’s young footman wants to know why Home-Secretary’s
young man should have been mentioned in Parliament whilst he
remains comparatively obscure ? Fitzmaurice’s second housemaid
has given a month’s notice that unless Lord Edmond will bring in a
reference to her next time he answers Ashmead-Bartlett, she will
leave.
“ I’m sure his Lordship wouldn’t have no difficulty,” said Mary
Ann, addressing the meeting. “Nex time he says, ‘ Praps the
Hon. Member will give notice of that question,’ what’s easier than to
go on to say, ‘ as I deeply regret to mention my second housemaid
has save me notice.’ ”
This all comes of Harcoubt’s persistent humour in answering
Onslow on the Nosegay Question. Ministers had quite enough on
their minds without this.
Business done.—Two Clauses of Cattle Diseases Bill agreed to.
Wednesday.—“ How wonderful are the resources of Science!”
Lyon Playfair exclaimed, gazing reflectively at Farquhakson
seated below the Gangway. “No one regarding Farquharson,
noting the thoughtful droop of his moustache, the massive forehead,
home of high intellect, would suspect that he had a cow in his waist-
coat pocket. I once brought down to illustrate my lecture on Oleo-
margarine a few sample pots of grease ; but I never went the whole
hog as Farquharson does.”
Quite true, though a little startling at first hearing, r arquharson
seconding Cameron’s Motion for Second Reading of Cremation Bill,
incidentally produced cow out of his waistcoat pocket. All that was
mortal went into small phial, size of little finger.