DOI Heft:
May 31, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17756#0260
SOME PEOPLE LIKE IT LAID ON WITH A TROWEL.
Mrs. Ponsoriby clc Tornkyns. “ Dear Lady Gulps, how charmingly Miss Gulps plays ! ”
Mrs. Soapley {who knows perfectly well). “What! is that lovely Child at the Piano your Daughter, Lady Gulps! To be
sure I ought to have guessed it from the Likeness ! But to think that you’ve already got a Daughter so grown up ! ”
Lady Gulps. “She’s my Grand-daughter, if you please! By the bye, Mrs Soapley, the Bishop and Lady Selina are
coming to Dine with me on Wednesday. It will give me so much pleasure if you,” &c., &c., &c.
\_Mrs. P. de T. not in it this time!
SIR CHARLES'S RIVER DIARY.
Morning.—No Parliament last night—feel fresh as a lark. Why
not a jolly day on the river ? Local Government Board can spare
me, I’m sure. I will.
Hour or Two Later.—Here I am. Told the Committee yesterday
that “I’d been in the habit of using Thames and its back-waters
since 1863, constantly, both sculling and rowing.” Question is, shall
I scull or row to-day ? Neither—punt instead, and fish !
Settled down to real enjoyment. Much better than Cabinet
Council. Poor old Glad- hullo ! What’s that puffing noise ?
London to Oxford steamer, as I live ! Terrific wash. Thrown up on
to an eyot, punt and all, and covered with mud. Think I told Com-
mittee that “ steamers had their advantages, because they wash the
mud off the banks.” Forgot to tell ’em they washed it on to me
instead. Bather disturbing.
Had a bite! Watching float intently, when feel sudden shock.
Party of “’Arries,” in pleasure-boat, run into me from behind.
Provoking. They don’t apologise at all. Ask ’em “if they know
who I am ? ” Say “ they don’t, and don’t want to.” Tell ’em I’m a
Cabinet Minister. They want to know “ why I’m wasting my time
here, then ?” Also inquire whether “ the G.O.M. knows I’m out,”
and “what’s the latest news from Gordon?” Very insulting.
Told Committee yesterday that “Public behave themselves very
well on the river, on the whole.” Not so sure about it now.
Hurrah! The “ ’Arries ” have left. Now I shall have some peace.
A bullet whizzes past my head! Party in a punt comes round a
corner. They ’re shooting at birds, I suppose. Shout to them—tell
them I’m a Minister, and they’ve nearly murdered me. Idea seems
to tickle them—I hear them saying something about a “ good bag.”
They explain politely that “ swallows will fly so low,” and that you
can’t hit them unless you “take ’em low down on the turn.” I
remark that I don’t want to be taken “ low down on the turn.”
Think I was right when I told Committee that “ river was a sort of
savage place—a circumstance which has its advantages and its draw-
backs.” Being shot “ low down on the turn ” is one of the drawbacks.
Withdrawal of pistol-party in pursuit of a pair of kingfishers.
What Vandals! At all events, pistol-people, if homicidal,_ were
polite. Told Committee that “occasionally on Bank Holidays,
rarely on other days, one hears a little bad language.” Haven t heard
any to-day—that’s one comfort.
Fancy, however, I hear some now. Yes, four hulking bargees
shouting to me ! I try to get out of their way—get entangled in
towing-rope—really, their language is very bad ! Tell them “I’m
a Cabinet Councillor.” Seems to make them still more furious.
“ You ’re the Hanked blanked bloke wot wants to shut up the publics
o’ Sundays, are yer ? ” they vociferate, and begin to hurl stones at
me. Try to dodge. Why aren’t the sides of punts higher ? Believe
these men take me for Sir Wilfrid Lawson. How foolish of him to
rouse popular feeling like this ! Bargees have stopped stone-throwing,
and are now simply swearing. They can swear. In fact, I wonder
if they can speak without swearing ? They probably don’t mean
anything by it; but it’s bad enough without any meaning, specially
when addressed to me personally. If it were in French, I dont
think I should mind it so much. Shall suggest this to Mundella.
He can bring in a School-Board Bargee Bill, to teach all Bargees to
swear in French. How will “Bargee Bill” like it ? Manage to
make my escape, leaving all my tackle behind, into one of the
convenient back-waters, which, as I told the Committee, “ I have
used frequently since 1863.” “Personally,” of course, “ I have
never been molested.” Lucky I got away now, _ however. Why
doesn’t Harcourt put a policeman or two on the Biver ?
Bacy Moral Buflections.—“ What’s the odds so long as you ‘re
happy ? ” Uncertain. But who can possibly be happy without know-
ing what the odds are ?
Mrs. Ponsoriby clc Tornkyns. “ Dear Lady Gulps, how charmingly Miss Gulps plays ! ”
Mrs. Soapley {who knows perfectly well). “What! is that lovely Child at the Piano your Daughter, Lady Gulps! To be
sure I ought to have guessed it from the Likeness ! But to think that you’ve already got a Daughter so grown up ! ”
Lady Gulps. “She’s my Grand-daughter, if you please! By the bye, Mrs Soapley, the Bishop and Lady Selina are
coming to Dine with me on Wednesday. It will give me so much pleasure if you,” &c., &c., &c.
\_Mrs. P. de T. not in it this time!
SIR CHARLES'S RIVER DIARY.
Morning.—No Parliament last night—feel fresh as a lark. Why
not a jolly day on the river ? Local Government Board can spare
me, I’m sure. I will.
Hour or Two Later.—Here I am. Told the Committee yesterday
that “I’d been in the habit of using Thames and its back-waters
since 1863, constantly, both sculling and rowing.” Question is, shall
I scull or row to-day ? Neither—punt instead, and fish !
Settled down to real enjoyment. Much better than Cabinet
Council. Poor old Glad- hullo ! What’s that puffing noise ?
London to Oxford steamer, as I live ! Terrific wash. Thrown up on
to an eyot, punt and all, and covered with mud. Think I told Com-
mittee that “ steamers had their advantages, because they wash the
mud off the banks.” Forgot to tell ’em they washed it on to me
instead. Bather disturbing.
Had a bite! Watching float intently, when feel sudden shock.
Party of “’Arries,” in pleasure-boat, run into me from behind.
Provoking. They don’t apologise at all. Ask ’em “if they know
who I am ? ” Say “ they don’t, and don’t want to.” Tell ’em I’m a
Cabinet Minister. They want to know “ why I’m wasting my time
here, then ?” Also inquire whether “ the G.O.M. knows I’m out,”
and “what’s the latest news from Gordon?” Very insulting.
Told Committee yesterday that “Public behave themselves very
well on the river, on the whole.” Not so sure about it now.
Hurrah! The “ ’Arries ” have left. Now I shall have some peace.
A bullet whizzes past my head! Party in a punt comes round a
corner. They ’re shooting at birds, I suppose. Shout to them—tell
them I’m a Minister, and they’ve nearly murdered me. Idea seems
to tickle them—I hear them saying something about a “ good bag.”
They explain politely that “ swallows will fly so low,” and that you
can’t hit them unless you “take ’em low down on the turn.” I
remark that I don’t want to be taken “ low down on the turn.”
Think I was right when I told Committee that “ river was a sort of
savage place—a circumstance which has its advantages and its draw-
backs.” Being shot “ low down on the turn ” is one of the drawbacks.
Withdrawal of pistol-party in pursuit of a pair of kingfishers.
What Vandals! At all events, pistol-people, if homicidal,_ were
polite. Told Committee that “occasionally on Bank Holidays,
rarely on other days, one hears a little bad language.” Haven t heard
any to-day—that’s one comfort.
Fancy, however, I hear some now. Yes, four hulking bargees
shouting to me ! I try to get out of their way—get entangled in
towing-rope—really, their language is very bad ! Tell them “I’m
a Cabinet Councillor.” Seems to make them still more furious.
“ You ’re the Hanked blanked bloke wot wants to shut up the publics
o’ Sundays, are yer ? ” they vociferate, and begin to hurl stones at
me. Try to dodge. Why aren’t the sides of punts higher ? Believe
these men take me for Sir Wilfrid Lawson. How foolish of him to
rouse popular feeling like this ! Bargees have stopped stone-throwing,
and are now simply swearing. They can swear. In fact, I wonder
if they can speak without swearing ? They probably don’t mean
anything by it; but it’s bad enough without any meaning, specially
when addressed to me personally. If it were in French, I dont
think I should mind it so much. Shall suggest this to Mundella.
He can bring in a School-Board Bargee Bill, to teach all Bargees to
swear in French. How will “Bargee Bill” like it ? Manage to
make my escape, leaving all my tackle behind, into one of the
convenient back-waters, which, as I told the Committee, “ I have
used frequently since 1863.” “Personally,” of course, “ I have
never been molested.” Lucky I got away now, _ however. Why
doesn’t Harcourt put a policeman or two on the Biver ?
Bacy Moral Buflections.—“ What’s the odds so long as you ‘re
happy ? ” Uncertain. But who can possibly be happy without know-
ing what the odds are ?