Punch (86.1884)

THE MAY MARTYR.

A Lay of the Art Season.

I never was artistic, and I often used to boast,

That I knew no more of pictures and of sculpture than a post;

But it happens that the Lady who has stolen all my heart,

Is remarkable for Culture, and especially for Art.

And she visits us in London in this merry month of May,

When the Galleries are open, and she takes me round all day,

Till my head and eyes are weary, and I ’d like to lay my bones—
Where I nevermore might listen to her raptures on Burne-Jones.

I have tried to be artistic, for she thought me quite a brute,

When I fied to get refreshment, from that weary Institute ;

And I ’in picking up their jargon, you can learn it all in time,
Though I caught it hot for saying Mr. Frith was “ quite sublime.”

Then she bade me worship Whistler, which was really quite absurd,
Though I found him when I met him an amusing sort of bird ;

But Ms picture at the Grosvenor, that did stagger me a bit,

For it looked just like the phantom of a Lady in a fit.

Then I muddle up the Painters in so terrible a way,

And attribute cows by Cooper to the efforts of Millais ;

While I hate myself for speaking when I hear her gentle groan,

As I vow that “ Ruth at Meal-time ” is the work of Marcus Stone.

Then she wished I was an Artist, and I said of course I ’d try,

Which avowal made her frantic, though I’m sure I don’t know why;
I must learn some Art to please her, why to win her I’d be willing—
To take photographic portraits ; case included, price one shilling !

The Bard eqr the Bookmakers.—A second Pindar ?
Another OsSian,

The Plague oe all Parties.—Late hours.

AMBITIOUS GREENWICH.

Greenwich wants a Corporation all to itself, and “ Why should
Greenwich wait ? ”

Her claims are various and irresistible. In the first place, Green-
wich contributes more than any other portion of the Metropolis,
always excepting the hospitable City, to the Corporations of Londoners
in general. She offers to the gaze of astonished mankind a splendid
three-decked ‘ ‘ Ship,” safely anchored on terra firma, and yet with the
steam always up, and her victualling department well supplied, and
her various courses, whether hard a-port or changed from East. India
produce to West India sherry, always apiproved of. She can also
show to country cousins and inquiring foreigners all that is left of
Nelson’s immortal victory, namely the “ Trafalgar,” and if any sea-
faring landsman wants a well-found “Yacht” for a few hours,
there he will always find one, with a beautiful view of the river at
high, and a lovely view of the mud at low, water.

It also boasts of two Parliamentary Representatives perhaps un-
equalled in the whole House for usefulness. The consequence is
that Greenwich is never troubled with de Worms nor Bored with its
spirited distiller.

Greenwich also supplies Gentlemen and Ladies with the finest fish
dinners in the world. The courses begin at any hour you like to
mention, and are continued until exhausted Nature cries “ Hold,
enough! ” “ Custom cannot stale their infinite variety,” and all for

the small charge of thirty shillings, including sparkling Polly Naris.

With such claims, Greenwich repeats the question, “ Why should
Greenwich wait ? ” and pauses in vain for a reply. _

If Greenwich succeed in her ambitious desire, it is said that her
first Mayor will be C. C. Woodeacon, Esq., one of the best-known
literary men in the City of London.

No!

PRESERVATION OE SIGHT.

The sight of a Statesman between seventy and eighty continues
so keen that he can see vdthout the help of spectacles, sufficiently
well to split the smallest hairs.

262

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 31, 1884.

RECIPROCAL*

Clerical Gent {alighting). “My Friend, how much shall I-

Cabby. “Well, Sir, my bare Fare’s Eighteenpemce. But as it’s ‘ Friends’—what shall we say ?—Half-a-crown ! ? ”