Punch (86.1884)

278 PUNCH, cm THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June h, 1884.

“A PROPOS!”

Sententious Old Bachelor [in the course of conversation). “As the ‘Old Saw’ has it, my dear Madam, ‘Man proposes, but-

Widow [promptly). “Yes; but that’s just what he doesn’t do!” [Tableau!

NOTHING IF NOT PRACTICAL ;

or, what, no doubt, it will come to.

In the great reading-room of the British Museum, which was again
yesterday afternoon, as on a previous occasion, forcibly seized for the
ourpose, Mr. Northumberland Dean gave some further illustra-
tions of the process now generally known as Happy Thought reading.
It will be remembered that, some years since, two gentlemen fore-
shadowed, hut only by some trivial and fruitless experiments, the
great development that has taken place in the manifestation of this
useful power to-day. The area in front of the Museum, as indeed
every nook and cranny of the vast interior, was crowded with a
surging and seething mass of the representatives of law, literature,
science, calisthenics, art, wire-pulling, medicine, tight-rope dancing,
steeple-chasing, and. other kindred callings interested in the new
discovery.

At the request of Mr. Northumberland Dean, a Committee of
Management was soon formed. The Lord Chief Justice of England,
Messrs. Crosse and Blackwell, the Proprietor of the Canterbury
Hall, the Archbishop of York, the Beadle of the Lowther Arcade,
i and several other distinguished personages, who, having never seen
I or heard of the performer before, were above all suspicion of collu-
| sion, politely but eagerly volunteered for the office. Mr. Northum-
berland Dean, having briefly explained that his system, which was
conducted entirely by the sinews, the larger bones, and the aid of a vein
or two, could only succeed when there was some practical purpose to
| serve, the first experiment, the hiding of a red-hot poker among a
! pile of mediaeval manuscripts, was tried to the entire satisfaction of
all present,—though Professor Colvin, who happened to come in at
1 the moment, and had not helped to place the article himself, was a
little sceptical on the subject. He was, however, speedily, hut good-
humouredly, howled down. Some of the next essays were similar to
those attempted on the previous day, though one of the subjects
! proved impracticable. The experimentalist having requested that
I some one might be selected to go out into Little George Street and
| fell the first policeman he met with a coal-hammer, and the choice of
the Committee falling on the Lord Chief Justice, he showed no sign

I of moving, and the matter came to a standstill. The medium being
unable therefore to detect the crime, the commission of which was thus
“ unsympathetically ” frustrated, a similar result followed with a
Loyal Duke, who declined to get into a Bayswater omnibus and leave
it without paying after stealing a fellow passenger’s umbrella. The
refusals led to some protest on the part of the principal, who
remarked hotly once or twice, waving his arms about as if in deep
grief, ‘ ‘ If these gentlemen go against me in this fashion, I cannot
possibly do it. I have no effect on stones.” A third trial was how-
ever made, and with marked success. The Proprietor of a Travelling
Circus, who subsequently requested his name might he suppressed,
proved more “sympathetic.” For relieving one of the Committee
suddenly of his watch, purse, and handkerchief, without any warn-
ing, he was quickly detected by the experimenter, and given into
custody on the spot, amidst the vociferous cheers of the audience.

But now came the chief experiment of the day. The trial which
excited the greatest interest, though in its ultimate results not so
satisfactory as many of the others, was the discovery of half-a-
hundredweight of dynamite within a radius of five miles of the
Museum. It was agreed that the Lord Chancellor, being a good
subject, should secrete the explosive, Professor Holderness and a
well-known Conservative Member of Parliament accompanying him,
rather reluctantly, as witnesses. On their return, which occasioned
some surprise and a srood deal of merriment, a coal-sack was put
over the head of Mr. Northumberland Dean, and he was forthwith
attached to the Lord Chancellor—who, to lend eclat and respecta-
bility to this curious manifestation, kindly consented to put on his
official robes—by a hundred and fifty yards of one-inch steel-rope. ;
With a sudden and almost frightening rapidity of movement, that
at first several times repeatedly pulled the Lord Chancellor off his
legs, the experimenter made a dash straight in the direction of New
Oxford Street, followed by the whole of the scientific assemblage,
yelling with delight, and in his course catching the legs and tripping
up the casual wayfarers, who seemed too astonished at the novel i
proceeding to call a policeman to their assistance.

But now the most exciting part of the proceedings had arrived ;
for, tearing down Regent Street in the direction of the House of
Commons, the entangling coils of the steel-rope, seriously at