Punch: Punch (91.1886)

42

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[July 24, 1886.

THE LISTS OF HURLINGHAM.

" how sweet abe looks that ladies bend on whom their favours fall ! "

(N'.B.—The Ladies are so far off that we have not been able to make their Looks quite as sweet as tee would have loislied.)

THE "OLD UMBRELLA" ! !

"Whoof ! What a Hast! Seems to thunder all round.
The Gingham was big and the Gingham seemed sound,
Guaranteed by its maker to hold well together,
A shelter at need in the wildest of weather.
That Grand Old Umbrella, admirers would say,
Might outlast e'en the Wonderful One Hoss Shay.
So strong and so tough, of such capital stuff,
What matter to it though the weather were rough ?
It had stood many gales without feeling the strain,
And had held waterproof through the heaviest rain.
Its backers would vaunt, unsuspected of fib,
Its fineness of silk and its stoutness of rib,
And everyone looked on its elegant form
As a beacon in tempest, a refuge in storm.

Alas, and alas, and yet once more alas!

For that Grand Old Umbrella! A piteous pass

It has come to at last. Oh, the storm thundered fast,

t wi ^ere never was known such a furious blast.

a j i every way all around and about,

wiT e? &ranli °ld Umbrella was soon inside out.

Whoof! bang go the ribs. Whoosh! Away goes the cover.

in t Pull it together p Alas ! 'tis all over.

In the storm's fullest stress you may yet furl a sail,

But a gingham to right in the midst of a gale,

When its silk like a burst-up balloon is all shattered,

Its ribs dislocated and stupidly scattered,

Its slide all a-jam and its ferrule askew,

Is a thing^ that cleverest never can do.

No, no, 'tis a case of " Umbrellas to Mend."

When the wind has gone down, and the storm's at an end,

The Grand Old Umbrella once more may be furled,

Its cover renewed, its rib-tangle untwirled;

But that must be left till this hurricane ceases,

At present the Gingham is gone all to pieces.

AUGMENTED TITLES.

[By the Grand Old Nonenclaturist.)

Assuming Aston.
Betraying Brighton.
Cheerful Carlisle.
Deceitful Dover.
Entertaining Edinburgh.
Faithful Fifeshire.
Graceless Glasgow.
Hateful Hastings.
Ignominious Islington.
Knavish Kidderminster.
Libellous London.

Mad Marylebone.
Notable Northampton.
Outrageous Oldham.
Pernicious Portsmouth.
Quiescent Queen's County.
Remarkable Rochdale.
Shortsighted Salford.
Treacherous Tower Hamlets.
Uproarious Ulster.
Worthy Wednesbury.
Yielding Yorkshire.

GREAT SCOTT!
Mr. H. T. Scott, Captain of the Australian Eleven, finished off
the second innings against Yorkshire the other day in a truly sensa-
tional style. The first ball of the last run he put away " for six,
the second he " dispatched" for four, the third he ' personally con-
ducted " over the seats beyond the cinder-path for six, and the
fourth—and last ball of the over and match—he smote clean " out of
the play" for yet another six! Twenty-two hits from one over!
That is Scott's lot with a vengeance. How pleasant for the bowler
and his " average! " Mr. Punch says, some way after Cowpbr, of
Johnny Gilpin fame,—

Now let's sing long live this last of Elevens,

Its Captain long live he!
And when he next is " at sixes and sevens,"
May I be there to see !

Good Thing to Ask after Leaving Folkestone.—Why may
Boulogne be considered a "parent city?" Because it is always
further described as Pas de Calais.