Punch (98.1890)

January 18, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

33

Jenkmson (to M. F. S., who dislikes Icing bothered). "What no you think op this Hoese?" (No answer.) "Bred him myself,

you know ! "

M. F. H. (looking at Horse out of corner of his eye). " TJmph ! I thought you couldn't have been such a silly Idiot as to
have Bought him ! " _

OLD COLDS FOR NEW.

(A Fairy Tale of Anglo Russian Origin.)

, O-^ce upon a time there was a feeble little Ailment called " Cold-in-
tne-head," which, was treated in the most contemptuous fashion by its
relations. The nearest of its kith and kin-Measles and Scarlatina—
aosolutely laughed when its name was mentioned, and scarcely
recognised it as a connection. So Cold-in-the-head had rather a bad
time of it generally.

One day the feeble little Ailment was wandering aimlessly about
H^eaTC^ °t a restLng-place, when it came upon an enormous>8tab-
thr(mSed with thousands of working-men. When the
apoii3e* ?e desorioed as "working-men," it is not, however, quite

curate, lor at that moment they were not working,
tonenf Zare you idler1" sneezed out little Cold-in-the-head in a

i<Tt? coniPassion.

nothingatoSeHorePf1fed 0M of the «m?fcyes- rather gruffly, " there is
inquire at that office5"11 wan^ lurther information, you had better

Rotm"thThe1Doo?r?ttied*to a door bearinS the le&end- " Editor's
Gentleman seated in front .aPartment> a^und a

youSuhe7oorSd;o^dthe

littli A^ifCe.a6th?Xist T^0^ Naughts," explained the poor
helptyoi" ' speak rou^hly to me' as 1 wa^ t0

anTM? hel? ™e!" ex«iMmed the Editor-for the Gentleman was
an Sartor. " How can you do that ? "

|( I think I can give you a subject."
in +£°Vrf;veTy welc°?i? y°u.can do that," was the reply, " as
r7»Jt T/^0!1 of the year ideas are as scarce as coals; nay
ago ? »r" S y' y°U 0 something for the Press ages

"That was in the ' forties;' but I am quite different now."
tni'i? * e little AiIment related to the Editor stories of Russia, and
me iast, and all sorts ot wonderful things.

"Well," murmured the Editor, after some consideration, "I think
you may be useful, after all, if we are helped by the Doctors."

*#####

"What a fuss they are making about this new rival of ours!"
said Measles, angrily.

"Too absurd! " commented Scarlatina, in a tone of annoyance.

Then there was a grand procession. First came Correspondents,
then Interviewed Physicians, then the General Public. It was a
sight that had never teen seen before. In the midst of the excite-
ment an Ailment appeared.

" Why, bless me!" cried Measles. " Only fancy! "

" Can I believe my eyes ? " shouted Scarlatina. " Why, it's poor
little Cold-in-the-head, that no one used to care a jot about six
months ago!"

"Silence!" said the Ailment, with great dignity. "You must
learn to treat me with the respect due to my exalted station. And
please don't call me 'Cold-in-the-head,' for I am known as 'The
Russian Influenza!' "

Then the Ailment turned towards Mr. Punch, who (as was his
wont) was smiling, and bade him do homage.

" Not a bit of it," exclaimed the Sage of Fleet Street, raising a
glass of Ammoniated Tincture of Quinine to his lips, and quaffing
merrily a teaspoonful. "I defy you! You are puffed up with
eonceit, my poor little Illness, and when, in a few weeks' time, we
have another sensation to talk and think about, you will sink back
into your native obscurity."

And Mr. Punch (as the event will prove) was—as he always is—
entirely right!_______

At the Poete St. Maetijt.—If there were ever any question as
to the genius of Saea Beenhaedt, she has now settled it by appear-
ing as Jeanne d'Arc, and showing us what she is Maid of. By the
way, as of course she wears golden or auburn hair, Jeanne d'Arc
must appear as Jeanne Light. Irreverent scoffers may say this is
historically correct, as from their point of view Joan was rather
light-headed. Of course, Joan is coming over to London. Why not to
Mr. Hake's Theatre, and finish the evening with, a prime Garnck
Stake.