Punch (98.1890)

Maeoh l, 1890.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 97

UNTILED; OR, THE MODERN ASMODEUS.

ers,"
XXI.

" Tres volontiers," repartit le demon. " Yous aimez lea tableaux changeans: je veux vous contenter."

Le Diable Boiteux.

"Though cold the coxcomb,
and though coarse the
boor,

Though dulness haunts the
rich and pain the
poor,

In this colossal city,
Yet London is not Rome, 0
(( Shade ! » I said.

A later Juvenal should
not find her dead

To purity and pity."

" Satire, of shames and

follies in sole quest,
Is a one-eyed divinity at

best,"

My guide responded,
slowly.

"The tale of Zoilus hath

its moral still.
Such critics are but blow-
flies, their small skill
To carrion given wholly.
" Not all the Romans of Dohitian's days
Were such as live in Juvenal's savage lays;

Not all the Latian ladies
Were Hippias or Collatias. Neither here
May all be gauged by satire's rule severe,
Or earth would be a Hades.

" The scalpel hath no terrors for the sound,
Nor is the hand that wields it harshly bound

To ceaseless vivisection.
The Cynic sharply sees, but sees not far;
The eye that hunts the mote may miss the star

Too great for scorn's detection.

" Dream not, oh friend, because I let the light
On lurid London through the cloak of night

(As was my undertaking.)
That I've a spirit wholly given to scorn,
Or blind to all, save sin, that with the morn

Will see a bright awaking.

" Yet could the freedman's son but wield his

T T flail [Pale

J-n .London, there are those might shrink and

As did Domttian's minion.
qriiI?!lives yet' Pander and parasite
bull flaunt in bold impunity, despite

A custom-freed opinion.
Dull in the drawing-room, our beardless boys
^an sparkle in the haunts of coarser joys,
Wl, Coldness and muteness vanish

Tullia dances or when Pollio sings.
w ith riotous applause the precinct rings,

There chill restraint they banish.
"Behold Lord Limpet in his gilded Box,
His well-gloved palms and scarlet silken socks

Actively agitated;
He who erewhile about the ball-room stood
A solemn, weary, whispering thing of wood

And sneered, and yawned, and waited."

"Wondrous!" I cried. "The youngster's

cheeks flush red.
Wide laugh his lips, and swiftly wags his head

He cheers, he claps, he chuckles. '
Can he, the languid lounger limp and faint
Give way to mirth with the mad unrestraint

Of boys with ribs and knuckles ?
"Frankly canaille is that dancing chit
Slang and suggestiveness serve her for wit,

And impudence for beauty.
Yet frigid ' Form' melts at her cockney spell,
Form,' which votes valsing with the reigning

An undelightful duty. [belle

"Bounds on the arch-buffoon, with flexile face,
With bagman smartness andbatrachian grace.
Is he not sweet and winning ?

Mime of the gutter, mimic of the slum.
Muse of the haunts unspeakable, else dumb,
A satyr gross and grinning ?

"Limpei smiled," he said. " Shakspeare's

boldest wit
Leaves Limpet listless,_but each feature lit

At that last comic chorus.
London is full of Limpets ; clownings please
The well-groom'd mob, though Aristophanes
Would miserably bore us.
Untile the Town entirely? Nay, good
friend,

That were to affright the timid, and offend

The tender and the trustful.
Unfitted yet must lie the dusky screen
That veils the viler features of the scene,
t The dread and the disgustful."

" Shadow! " I said, " Civilisation fails,
While surfeits Idleness, and Labour pales.

For all its spread and glitter,
The Titan City lacks its crowning grace
And glory, whilst its pleasure is so base,

Its bondage is so bitter."
"True! " sighed the Shadow, and a softened
smile

Seemed to illume the coldness, void of guile,

Of those phantasmal features.
"When from the City's gloom shall flash to
light

This truth : The sleek and selfish sybarite

Is meanest of God's creatures ? "
"Shadow!" I cried. But in the darkness dim
Those lineaments did waver and dislimn

Like clouds at the sun's waking.
Alone I stood ; fled was the night, the dream,
And o'er the sleeping City's sullen stream
Babylon's grey dawn was breaking.
The End.

THE CHAMELEON " EEPOET."

Entirely New Version.
(" The bearings of it lie in the application,"—to a
certain Eeport.)

Time to the eager seems to lag,

Howe'er his glass be shaken ;
Yet struck the hour when from the bag

The Creature should be taken.

Three Judges sage had cooped it there
Three Judges wise, three Judges fair,
At him Society will ejaculate
Who hints a Judge is not immaculate.
The Judge's ermine none dares dim.
(Unless the Judge differs from him).

Now men discussed, with glee or dolour,
The question of the Creature's colour.
".Black as my hat," cries one, " /know."
" Nay! " shouts another, " white as snow!"
Whether the thing revealed should prove
To ape the Raven or the Dove.
Was matter of dispute most furious ;
Angry were most, and all were curious.
At last arrived the eventful day

When from the bag the thing must crawl,
And lo! the Creature's tint was grey,

Which disappointed all.
But though Truth brings a brief confusion
To obstinate foregone conclusion,
Prejudice, routed most dismally,
Will quickly to Unreason rally.
And so the one side would remark
That for a grey 'twas wondrous dark ;
The other side did more than hint
They never saw so light a tint;
" Deep iron-grey! " said one, " Oh, stuff!"
Another cried at most a buff!
"In tint below, in hue above,
'Tis little deeper than a Dove!
In fact, looked at in a strong light,
'Tis scarce distinguishable from white! "
" White!" yelled a third, with rage half
throttled,

" With jet-black streaks 'tis thickly mottled.
If not pure Raven, all must own
No Magpie hath a sootier tone !"

And so the rival parties raged and wrangled;
Judgment considered whilst the bigots
jangled,

And the great bulk of them 'twas sad to find,
Wore party-coloured specs., or else were
colour-blind!

A Diag-nose-is op Wine.—The Case of
Champagne set before Mr. Alderman and
Sheriff Davies. Of course, the worthy Alder-
man, who is a judge of wine, needed only to
raise the glass to his nose. He smelt it to see
if it was Corke'd. But in answer to the
charge of false labelling, it should have been
simply pleaded that, at the manufactory, the
labels were not simply put on, but Clapt-oii.
Whether this defence would have gone to
mitigate the fine of twenty pounds, is another
matter. The Alderman's decision was Riven,
much as the public generally pay for Cham-
pagne,—good or bad,—that is, through the
nose."

GARRICK THEATRE.

The Hare Apparent in a New Pair of Spectacles.

(IF

vol. xcvhi.