Punch (98.1890)

Mat 24, 1890.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.__241

Yes, there was lots Of boats and yachts, Of timber and of tin, too•
But one and all Was far too small For a doll o' my size to get into!
I was too big- On any brig To ship without disas-ter,
And it wouldn't never do When the cap'n and the crew Were a set
o' little swabs all plas-ter!

Chorus—So to navigate the Serpentine, &c.
An Ark is p'raps The berth for chaps As is fond o' Natural Hist'ry.
But I sez to Shem And the rest o' them, "How you get along at
all's a myst'ry!

With a Wild Beast Show Let loose below, And four fe-males on
deck too!

I never could agree With your happy fami-lee, And your lubberly
ways I objeck to."
[Chorus. Hornpipe by the'company, after which the Soldier
Doll advances condescendingly to Miss Jenny.
The Sold. D. Invincible I'm reckoned by the Ladies.

But yield to you—though conquering my trade is!
Miss J, {repulsing him). Oh, go away, you great conceited thing, you!

[ The Sold. I), persists in offering her attentions.
Hiss P. (watching them bitterly). To be deserted by one's doll does
sting you! [ The Sailor D. approaches.

The Sailor D. (to Miss P.) Let me console you, Miss, a Sailor Doll
As swears his 'art was ever true to Poll !

(N.B.— Good opportunity for Song here.)
\_Kisse8 his hand to Miss J., who shrinks back, shocked and] Miss P. (indignantly to Miss J.) Tour Sailor's teasing me to be
alarmed. his idol!

Miss J. Oh, Polly, did you hear ? Ifeelsoshy! I] 11 ,i ,Do make him stop—(spete/wMy)—When you've

The Soldier D. (with mild se/f-assertion). I can k | | i M | Mil |! | ' , 1 quite done with my doll!

say " Pa " and " Ma "—and wink my eye. U | P ' IJliL ,||['r H ! I II Miss J- (scornfully). If you suppose Jwant your

[Does so at Miss P., who runs in terror to || JtfWs&. 'Tj ~? ■ l| I J wretched warrior,

Miss J.'s side. \\ !! I 1 I I'm sorry/or you!

Miss J. Why, both are showing signs of anima- H§§a ' 3 | | t Miss P. I for you am sorrier.

,,. toon! [gmation! ' ' A ''- '!' Miss J. (weeping, e.). Polly preferred to me—

Miss P. Who'd think we had such strong una- /SSKSk. ~ what ignominy!

The Soldier Soil (aside to the Sailor D ). I say, , MM/\ UBL*~J Miss P. (weeping, lj." My horrid Sailor jilting
old fellow, we have caught their fancy— M glF M ■ WHSbLVC me for Jfnny '

In each of us they now a real man see! S^Hk, Hi - j*b^7tX iliii rm . ' 7-, ,; ^ ,,

Tet's kept) it nn 1 uiau acc. f mm V \ cF^i I Ik , | [The two Dolls face one another, C.

Tl7«,vn u,V„,n -ni ,v, A MMk\ '■■'/%) t\ T -\ II \ Sailor 2). (fo Soldier D.). You've made her sluice

The Sailor 1) (dubiously). D 'ye think as we ; 1 lf^ ;#/ 1 I 1 her skylights now, you swab !

MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS.

No. XL—THE RIVAL DOLLS.
"Miss Jbnny and Polly Had each a new dolly."— Vide Poem.

CHABACTEKS.

Miss Jenny ) By the Sisters Leamas.

Miss Polly )

The Soldier Doll i By the Two Aemsikongs.

The Sailor Doll J J

Scene—A Nursery. Enter Miss Jenny and Miss Polly, who
perform a blameless step-dance with an improving chorus.

Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly,
And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar !
We 're fully contented with what's been presented,
Such good little children we both of us are!
{They dance up to a cupboard, from which they bring out two
large Dolls, which they place on chairs.
Miss J. Don't they look nice! Come, Polly, let'us strive

To make ourselves believe that they 're alive!
Miss P. (addressing Sailor D.). I'm glad you're mine. I dote on

all that's nautical.
The Sailor D. (opening his eyes suddenly). Excuse me, Miss, your
sister 's more my sort 0' gal!

candoitr ill 111 ^IP^^^^J-ife! i Soldier D. (to Sailor D.). As you have broke her

The Soldier D. I ou stick by me, and I will see ,| |||[ A^ffliP I;I I heart, I '11 break your nob ! [Hits him.

you through it. M\%\, M9V Jl^PWlfl Sailor D. (in a pale fury). This insult must be

Sit up, and turn your toes out,-don't you loll; |Hi |/AMU^ W'^ilOTO MM blotted out in bran!

Put on the Man, and drop the bloomin'Doll! Mjfi MKLmX :,y4^m&m Soldier D. (fiercely). Come on, I'll shed vour

[The Sailor Doll pulls himself together, and ^^WjPHSijPl fB#NSlllll sawdust—if I can !

rises from chair importantly. ^TW^KmL IfltW 'tfw'm^^E [Miss J. and P. throw themselves between the

The Sailor D. (in the manner of a Music-hall />£fW' JlivUi< W^w%l5i combatants. [scolded,

Chairman)— >Ah*l I r*H ^lli? ^*ss ^' For any mess you make we shall be

Ladies, with your kind leave, this gallant gent M/J/i'/;,// / jL So wait until a drugget we've unfolded!

Will now his military sketch present. f'f '/,('/f/l ji ^^Hl wA \\\^Ns^J% [They lay down drugget on Stage.

[Miss J. and P. applaud; the Soldier D., //jap li MwMv'Xj^VW- ^e Soldier D. (politely). No hurry, Miss, we

after feebly expostulating, is induced to ' , nrMi/l iliWI I \\ te\\WKU\\\^\\v don't object to waiting.

sing. %///////'/l/llll « The Sailor D. (aside). His valour —like my

Song, by the Soldier Doll. own—'s evaporating!

' (Defiantly to Soldier D.). On guard 1 You '11 see how soon I '11 run

When I used to be displayed In the Burlington Arcade, With

artillery arrayed Underneath. Shoulder Hump!

I imagine that I made All the Lady Dolls afraid, I should draw my

battle-blade From its sheath, Shoulder Hump!

For I'm Mars's gallant son, And my back I've shown to none, Nor

was ever seen to run From the strife ! &e.
Oh, the battles I 'd have won, And the dashing deeds have done, If

I'd ever fired a gun In my life! &e.

lief rain (to be sung marching round Stage).

By your right flank, Wheel! Let the front rank kneel! With the

bristle of the steel To the foe.
Till their regiments reel, At our rattling peal, And the military zeal

We show!

[Itepeat, with the whole company marching round after him.
The Soldier Doll. My friend will next oblige—this jolly Jack Tar
Will give his song and chorus in charack-tar!

[Same business with_&&\\ox D.
Song, by the Sailor Doll.
In costume I'm So maritime, You'd never suppose the fact is,
That with the Fleet In Kegent Street, I'd precious little naval
practice!

There was saucy craft, Rigged fore an' aft, Inside 0' Mr. Gre-mek's.
From Noah's Arks to Clipper-built barques, Like-wise mechanicai
stea-mers.

But to navigate the Serpentine, Yeo ho, mv lads, ahoy !
With clockwork, sails, or spirits of wine, Yeo-ho, my lads ahoy I
I did respeckfnlly decline, So I was left in port to pine, '
Which wasn't azaetually the line Of a rollicking Sailor Boy,
Yeo-ho! Of a rollicking Sailor Bo-oy !

you through!

(Confidentially). (If you will not prod me, I won't pink you.)
The Soldier D. Through your false kid my deadly blade I '11 pass!
(Confidentially). (Look here, old fellow, don't you be a hass !)

[ They exchange passes at a considerable distance.
The Sailor D. (aside). Don't lose your temper now!
Sold. D. Don't get excited.

Do keep a little farther off!
Sail. D. Delighted!

[ Wounds Soldier D. by misadventure.
Sold. D. (annoyed). There now, you've gone and made upon my wax
Sail. D. Excuse me, it was really quite an accident. [a dent!

Sold. D. (savagely). Such clumsiness would irritate a saint!

[Stabs Sailor Doll.

Miss J. and P. (imploringly). Oh. stop ! the sight of sawdust turns
us faint! [They drop into chairs, swooning.

The Sailor D. I '11 pay you out for that! [Stubs Soldier D.

Sold. D. Right through you've poked me!
Sailor D. So you have me !

Sold D. You shouldn't have provoked me ! [They fall transfixed.
Sailor D. (faintly). Alas, we have been led away by vanity.

Dolls shouldn't try to imitate humanity ! [ Dies.

Soldier'D. For, if they do, they'll end like us, unpitied,

Each on the other's sword absurdly spitted !
[Dies. Miss J. mid P. revive, and bend sadly over the corpses.
Miss Jenny. From their untimely end we draw this moral,

How wrong it is, even for dolls, to quarrel!
Miss Polly. Yes, Jenny, in the fate of these poor fellows see

What sad results may spring from female jealousy! _

[They embrace penitently as Curtain falls.

vor. xctiii,

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